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Rate the joke above

9/10 :lol:

So, 104 passengers board a plane heading from New York to Hawaii. The plane has to make a stop at Sacramento for refueling, so the captain comes over the intercom and says that if the passengers would like a break, then they have 40 minutes and can get off and walk around a bit.

Just as the last man was about to leave the plane, he noticed an old blind woman. He knew she was blind because she had a blind seeing eye dog that was sitting beneath her seat. And he knew she must travel on this plane often because he overheard the captain calling her Kathy.

So, the captain asked her if she would like to get off the plane, and walk around a bit. She responded "No, but buddy might want to". So, the captain took the dog and walked off where the passengers were all hanging around. The passengers were shocked when they saw the captain leave the plane with dark glasses on, and a blind seeing eye dog.
 
Made me giggle. 7/10.

What about internal humour?
How many CF-ers does it take to change a lightbulb?

- Hyde244, to find out that a ligthbulb is going to be changed
- Cedarpoint6, to start a "changing topic"
- A-Kid, to provide the topic with updates every now and then
- The Undead Creature, to do the changing
- Martyn, to take pics of it
- Intaminfanatic, to complain that it's not Intamin
- SnooSnoo, to explain Intaminfanatic that it might still be good
- Joey, to start a debate of which colour it is
- Ultimate Coaster, to debate back with SnooSnoo and Joey
- gavin, to 24hr ban UC and Joey
- Sam, to stop the arguments
- LiveForTheLaunch, to ask how this bulb is different from the previous one
- loefet, to explain in detail how it works
- Crazycoaster, to recreate it in NL
- Xpress, to help Crazycoaster
- kimahri, to lol at it and wanting the other one back
- Ian, to write a guide for it
- Pokemaniac, to whine about it being too far away
- themeparkmad, to make a poll about which bulb is better
- furie, to fight for putting the old bulb in a "heritage lamp"
- Eastcoast(er) General, to make a PTR of it
- CanobieFan, to go there and see the bulb (and tell us how much it sucked)
- Rach, to make sets of it.
- Mark, to make a song about it
- Screaming Coasters, to make an over-18 ligthbulb joke

But where is Dan Farrell?
Well, who do you think ordered the lightbulb change?

Sorry if any of you are offended by this. Then I'll edit it.
 
Aha, that was cute! 8.5/10

So I just kinda copy and pasted a joke from Google:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Click to expand...
 
Excellent stuff, 7/10.

I saw an add in the paper the other day, the police were looking for a racist attacker, I gave them a call, but apparently it isn't a job vacancy....
 
^ LOL oh dear! 7/10.

In the news this week, a dwarf and a very tall man were seen robbing a jewelery store, the police are searching high and low to find the culprits.
 
5/10, wasn't laugh out loud funny, but I still understand it.

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

"**** me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"
Click to expand...

Another random Google :p .
 
8/10. Pretty funny but you didn't like my joke so you get penalized :p

More robberies this week: thieves broke into the local police department and stole all the toilets - the police have nothing to go on.
 
Um... I'm not that fond of puns. 7/10, though. Long stories FTW!

One day, a man was out strolling in the woods when he suddenly stumbled over something. He examined it, and found out that it was an old-fashioned lamp.
"What happen if I...", he said to himself, an chuckled as he polished it. Seconds later, he threw himself back in surprise, letting out a loud "WTF!?!?"
Because huge amounds of smoke was billing from the lamp, and suddenly, a genie was standing before him.
"Wow... a-a genie? Can I have three wishes now?", he said.
"You appearently haven't heard about the credit crunch", the genie answered. "And fewer and fewer magical lamps are being made, people won't believe in us, and there hasn't been one good genie film made since Aladdin, which was rubbish. I think one wish should be enough."

The man thought that the genie was wrong about Aladdin, but nodded and said:
"OK then, I want peace in the Middle East".
"Middle What?", the genie replied. "You see, I have been trapped in this lamp for 5000 years, and a lot of places have got new names since then. Show me on this map, if you will."
After the man had done so, the genie exclaimed:
"Aladdin's beard, those countries have been fighting each other since the dawn of time! You see, I'm skilled, oh yeah, but not that skilled! No, give me an other request, and I'll do it."
"OK then, then I want to understand women!"
"For the sake of...(grumble). Let me see that bloody map again..."
 
^ I honestly don't get that one, so like, 3/10.

a little boy and a little girl were playing together in the sand pit at the park, the little boy decides he has to pee and decides to go over to the bushes to use it. the little girl follows. she sees his penis and exclaims "what is that your playing with?!!!!" "my weenie cant you see?" the little guy replied. "well", the little girl said "can i play with it?" "HELL NO !" the little boy shouts.. "YOU ALREADY TORE YOURS OFF!"
Click to expand...
 
Meh, 4/10.

A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.

The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed.

So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Iron this."
 
Lol 9/10

This is Jimmy Carrs favourite joke:

A man walks into a Library and says "Can I have some fish and chips please", The man at the counter says "Excuse me, this is a library" so the man says "Im sorry *whispers* Can I have fish and chips please"
 
LOL I liked Ollie's joke.

Eight for the joke above too; it was cute.

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
Click to expand...
 
That's a 9/10 for me.

A man finds a bottle and when he rubs it a genie comes out, "Behold! I am the Lawyer Genie! Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will get double the wish." The man is first stunned by this but quickly thinks of some wishes. "I want a million dollars" says the man and he does along with every lawyer in the world getting two-million dollars. "I want a Ferrari" says the man and he does along with every lawyer in the world getting two Ferraris. Now when he came to his third wish he thought about for a long long time until he decided he thought of the ultimate wish. "Lawyer Genie, I wish I donated a Kidney!"
 
Thanks Taylor, you had to post a joke that makes me laugh out loud in the middle of the college library so that everyone looks at me. :lol:

*very quitley contains uncontrollable laughter*

This is actually my own joke and I thought it was pretty cool.

What do you get when you tie a diabetic kid to a baloon.

Hyper Inflation
 
^ Haha that's pretty clever - 8/10.

My dad told me this one a while back - What does a person who's Dyslexic, Insomniac and Agnostic do?

Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog!
 
0/10. Because you didn't post a joke. :p


A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.

So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.

The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.

"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.

"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."
 
That is one of the most vile and distasteful jokes I have ever heard...8/10.

A women walks into a bar and asks for a double enterdre

The bar man gave her one.
 
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