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"Pass the Duchy" Trip Reports


CF Legend
^RUN AWAY *girlish screams*

Right, on with day 2, or day 1 of the official Live at Toverland!

I'd been to Toverland before in November 2009 and the whole time I was there I couldn't help thinking how much we NEEDED a Live at this place, so when it was finally decided I knew it was going to be a bloody good day =]

It was Queen's Day on the Saturday we went and if this were England that would mean a public holiday which in turn would mean a nightmarishly busy park. But in Holland it means everyone stays home and gets drunk which means WE get to whore the coasters and kiddie stuff <3

When we arrived we were early so had to wait outside the glass doors whilst the grotesque park mascot teased us from inside. Once we got in there was much faffage over how much the bloody tickets actually were to get in! I think it ended up only being 18euros or something ridiculously cheap so happy times were had. We'd been making jokes about how Toverland looks like Homebase or similar from the outside so I was laughing when we got into the entrance to be greeted by the smell of plywood hehe =]

The first shed is full of cheaper looking kiddie climby stuff and flat rides and things. It's funny how much the theming improves the further you delve into the park. That's not to say the first shed is crap, but it's much more like a standard Wacky Warehouse (or whatever the one YOU used to go to as a kid was called) sort of thing, just some climbing frames and inflatables in a box. Still, you can imagine what the sight of said things does to CFers and as soon as we were through the door we were scrambling up the pyramid slidy thing, it was much fun.

After this I think we did the wand house, which I absolutely LOVE! It's basically like those things in a shed at Paulton's Park where you press buttons and animatronics come to life, except you have a wand and swish it at things to makes stuff happen. There were many Harry Potter jokes =]

After this we minced over to the kiddie cred, which I am always quite impressed with. Vadge sat in front of me and was making me laugh every time she giggled hysterically at the bell dinging as we went around the track XD I always feel like they could at least send the train around again, there wasn't a queue and it's not the longest thing in the world. Whatever, it's ok for a kid's rollercoaster.

There were still some flats and dinghy slides to do in Shed1 but we saved them for later and made our way through the the tunnel to Shed2, where the theming begins to get awesome <3 I really like the little tunnel, it's really magical and feels like you're walking through to a magical fairy world or something, yay! And it has that lovely theme park water smell =]

I think we went on the boring bobsleds next. They're really misleading as you go straight into a tunnel and they play soundtracks of people screaming/yodelling and it makes you think 'Oh my god this is going to be so awesome!' Then you exit the tunnel and realise how slow, boring and damn uncomfortable the thing is to ride. Whoever designed it had a really bad misconception of the length of people's arms, you have to spend the whole ride hunched over just so you can push the lever all the way down!

After this I believe the Booster Bike happened. For someone who loves launchy things as much as I do it's weird to admit how much I HATE this pieces of crap. They just don't do anything, the launch is lackluster, the restraints are uncomfortable and they're just generally a bit pants. I did however get to ride the front which was a bit of a plus and I suppose I should note the theming of the station. It's got giant leaves and vines crawling and wrapping all around it which looks fairly cool. I don't know if they could have gotten differently themed trains though because the motorbikes don't really make sense with the rest of the general theme of Toverland.

I think after this we finally went over to Troy (TROY!). I absolutely adore the extensive theming and landscaping in front of the ride. The little islands and water features are a really nice touch and manage to turn this beast of a coaster into quite a lovely feature to the park. The massive Trojan horse also makes for a great photo op ;] (I'm sure you've all seen it by now). Similarly to when I visited in November there wasn't much of a queue to speak of and so we all hopped straight on. I headed straight for the back, remembering how superior it was to the front from when I last rode it =] It's funny how in the station, there is an extra queue line for the back row but not one for the front row, it seems they're catching on ;] Anyway, what can I say about Troy? It really is awesome. It's fast, unrelenting, forceful and yet massively re-rideable. I'm sure everyone who went would agree that you could quite happily sit on the thing all day and not get bored, it's truly something wonderful. And the theme song is awesomely non-fitting to the nature of the coaster, makes me laugh every time =]

After this we walked over to the rope course only to find out that it didn't open until 12, so we faffed about on all the outside play area stuff. There's lot of water-based fun plus ziplines, which are my favourite! Now would be a good time to mention that the weather was glorious! I don't know why we even bother reading weather reports before we go, they're never right. Thunderstorms my arse!

*Goes and checks Nic's report to see what we did next*

Ohhhhh yeah, the flog lume! It's one of the better log flumes I've been on, the last drop is a lot higher than you first think. We were going to attempt a fat boat until we realised there weren't enough fatties, so we did Vadge boat instead which consisted of me, Maddie, Vadge and Sue. 75% of this boat prefer girls ;] Anyway, the log flume is pretty cool, with some awesome theming and fun little surprises. You don't get too wet either, which is always a plus for someone like me =D

After this we went and messed around on the massive indoor climbing frames. Roller slides ftw <3 The rope bridgey things you have to climb to get up to them are a bloody nightmare though, they're such an effort to climb up I was completely knackered by the time I made it to the top!

We then went and had lunch which mainly consisted of chips COVERED in sauce </3 I will never understand the Netherland's love for all things sauce-based, they're literally obsessed. Gross. After lunch we decided to return to the glorious sunshine outside and enjoy an ice-cream. I got far too excited about the fact that there were cola flavoured Calippos, they were lush <3

Troy happened some more as well as a pretty cool looking pirate ship (anything themed to Scorpions gets love from me <3) and then ventured back inside to do some more of the weird stuff, this time the Fun House happened. There was turntable pile-up, Aj fell on his head after failing at going 360 on the rotating tunnel thing and more slides =]

We all then went on the dinghy slides which are always fun and faffed around on some more of the inside climbing frame stuff before finally getting to go back outside and attempt the high-ropes course.

It really didn't look as hard as it was. The first section was obviously a text of how good you were and therefore whether you would be able to carry on. I found it really difficult, got to the middle and almost gave up after a massive wobble. Once I'd conquered the first section however the next few were fine. One hell of a work-out though!

Once we'd all jumped down from the high-ropes and recovered we then headed back over to Troy for some whorage. We also did the porn ponies (these are seriously the most pointless ride eve, I don't get it?) and a few people re-rode the Booster Bike.

It was an awesome day at Toverland, definitely tons more fun avec CF. I was really thankful for the lovely weather though as it meant we could really make the most of all the cool outside water play areas and things. I don't see why we couldn't have something similar over here in the UK, it's weather proof and everything!

After Toverland we went and did the epic mini-golf at the most awesome campsite I've ever seen. If I'm honest I as a little bit let down by the golf, the theming was good but I'd got it into my head that all of it would be underground and it would be a completely immersive experience. However there were parts where you could see the 'outside world' and it sort of ruined the effect a bit. Some of the little interactive things were cool and the last hole was pretty impressive =] Oh, and I won, yay <3


CF Legend
What happened on the last hole? Nice report though. I really want to go to Toverland as I love the massive play areas and climbing frames you get in Europe and that High Ropes course looks really good. :)


Staff member
Mysterious Sue said:
What the hell was with the two toilets in one cubicle all about? Facing each other no less!


Too jealous to write any more :(


Giga Poster
Mike said:
I never said it was getting old, I said it was never funny in the first place and moreso not funny when you say it for the BILLIONTH time in a day. :roll:
Funny, I got the impression this made it more hilarious cool)


CF Legend
Right, time for some trip reportage from me!

Cars, ferry terminals and beaverhoff!

My tale begins on a rather sunny Thursday afternoon in the not-so-wonderful World of Bromley. I catch a 12:something train to Meopham to meet Nic. After a little wait after arriving at Meopham station Nic arrives in her car to take me to her parent's house to meet Richard and Will. After a little faff and the weather looking like it was going to make a turn for the worst we were in the car of Rah and finally on our way to the Ferry terminal in Dover. The car journey to Dover was full of amusement and I think this is when Nic wondered what the hell she had got herself in for for the rest of the trip.

When driving to the lane to wait for the ferry Richard decided to just, ya know, carry on past our designated lane ended up in the most hilarious drive through a different lane, then going up another one the wrong way to then turn into the correct lane (hope that makes sense). We must have gotten some dodgy looks :p

After a quick snack and toilet stop we then got back into the car and drove onto the ferry. The ferry journey wasn't too exciting apart from the boredom making Nic and Richard create hats out of napkins which amused us greatly. Will also had enforced happy times, Nic converted her napkin hat into a special happy times hat for Will :p

Soon enough we were off the ferry and driving on the wrong side of the road. Our journey to Germany was long and half-way through we were all getting quite hungry. I think we waited until we reached the Netherlands before asking the sat-nav for the nearest eateries along our journey. Will started to read some of the places out and the one that caught all of our attention was a place called Beaverhoff. "WE HAVE TO GO THERE" we all screamed, or something along those lines anyway. So we set it into the sat-nav and it sent us on the most random detour known to man. What did we find when we arrived at the destination? NOTHING! Just a few houses and lots of fields full of manure, beautiful. "DESPAIR" we cried. We spotted some sort of Chinese on the way to the beaverhoff of nowhere so we tracked back our journey to there.



It looks awesome, don't it?

We pulled up at Wok Palace, I got all excited because it was themed :p We walked in, got stared at by lots of random peeps. Decided we didn't have time for a sit-down meal and ran out, got back in the car and drove off in a hurry. I bet we made their day lol.

About half an hour later the sat-nav gave us directions to a 'quick' drive-thru. Quick restaurants are basically a cheap European version of McDonalds. At the end of the day it was food and that was what we were after. However getting into the car park where it was located was a lot of faff and we ended up going up and down the dual carriageway several times which was amusing but also an annoyance.

So after we filled up with food we continued onwards to the first hotel of the trip. I should mention at this point that we were playing Richard's amazing 'Guess the CFer' game he created last Summer. Basically songs on his mp3 player which somehow describe someone we know on CF. It's a fun game and makes time fly by and before we knew it we were at the Ibis hotel in Germany. We stayed at the same hotel on our epic European trip last year, it was quite nice to be back in a way. After checking in and dumping our stuff all over the room we sat and chatted for a bit before getting some sleep ready for the next day.

It's getting late now and I need some sleep before work tomorrow so I'll continue the story of fun tomorrow evening. Thanks for reading! :D


Strata Poster
Utter crap, but may raise a slight grin...



Giga Poster
Okay then, I've got half hour spare so have Phantasialand.

My story begins at 5pm on Thursday. I left the house and made my way to work with bag for the weekend in hand. I arrived at work to discover that I had a 42 cover shift and Trevor Francis to serve! Delicious, great way to start the weekend.
Midnight came and I left work and made my way to the coach station (there are some advantages to working in the city centre). I had a coach booked for 1am to take me to Stansted.

1am arrived and I got on the coach and headed for the airport. I was pretty shattered, but in good spirits as a weekend of theme parks was in touching distance. I arrived at the airport at 3:40am and proceeded to try and find somewhere to sit for an hour in a packed out check in area. A few lengths of the terminal later and I was rewarded with a seat! I then waited for Sue and the rest of the party to arrive.

Once they had, (it's about 5:15 now) we made our way through security and into departures where free whisky was being handed out! It's half 5 for god sake!
We rewarded ourselves with breakfast and waited and waited for the departure board to tell us to go to gate. Mike appeared who was on another flight and so we chatted for a while.

6:45 and the screen still hadn't said go to gate. But suddenly it changed to boarding and then final call. Nice work Ryanair, make us run why don't you?! We joined a queue of people departing the country and the Royal Wedding **** for Frankfurt Hahn - an airport in a field!
Slightly later than planned we were sat on the plane and departing the country. Before we knew it we had landed at Frankfurt after only 50 minutes in the air.

One horrible queue later for the boarder and toilet faff we made our way to the car rental place where we were given a Skoda of not so joy for the duration of the trip. It was now half 10 and we finally were on our way to Phantasialand.

Journey lasted an hour and half and finally we arrived to what can only be described as a packed out park, so much so we were driving in the car park for a good 5 mins to be parked at the bottom of a hill on the grass.

€37.50 later and we were in, amazed at what we saw and also the queues in which every ride was supporting. Slayed's car was in the queue for Black Mamba, so we went and waited a good half an hour for them over on the bridge.

Have Mamba!

Eventually we saw them going up the lift and soon enough we were on our way to the first coaster of the day; Winjas. Somehow we managed to squeeze 9 CFers belongings into one locker and we were in a 45 minute queue for the ride.
Our chosen side was Force. The queue was slow, but at least it moved. By 2pm we were on our first ride of the day! It had been a long time coming but was so worth it! I hadn't looked into any of the rides before visiting and was surprised at how good it was. The little sections of uniqueness were fab and showed what could be done with a spinner.


It was at this point through some tangled German that I realised the park's opening hours had been extended until 8pm making for some much needed additional riding time. Breathing a sigh of relief, we made our way to coaster #2; Temple of the Night Hawk.

The queue was a much more reasonable 15 minutes and constantly moved unlike Winjas. Nothing to write home about at all here, just a standard Vekoma indoor coaster, more of a +1 than anything.
2 coasters down, we still had 3 to go + the Rapids and Mystery Castle.


Food was next on the agenda and so we got in what didn't resemble a queue for something to eat. After about 20 minutes we were all rewarded with food and the arrival of Stone Cold's car. So now with the group together we headed for nothing other than River Quest.

The queue looked horrific and it really was. An hour and 15 minutes we waited in a queue that barely moved and was full of queue jumpers. Arguments were had which made the queue ever so slightly better. We chatted away and after a long wait we were on! I had looked into the Rapids before going and couldn't wait for them!
Slightly apprehensive about the level of wetness, I got on the CF boat that was filled with Royal Wedding flags and what not :roll:

So River Quest, without a doubt the best Rapids ride I've been on. The drops are fantastic and so well hidden that if I hadn't have ruined the surprise for myself would have been one hell of a shock. The 2nd drop was perhaps the better one. Boat returned to the station and only a mild level of moistness had resulted from them.


Time was getting on and we still had 3 coasters and Mystery Castle to ride. So we done that next as the queue had subsided dramatically. I knew this was a drop tower and that was it! No idea what to expect. After a reasonable 20 minute queue we were in the batching area. So into the ride we went, looked around and couldn't believe what I saw.
Got on one side (mainly with those terrified of heights/drop towers), restraints down, lights out and whoosh! Wow! What a ride. The lights and the height of the castle add so much to it, it doesn't half seem a long way down when sat at the top waiting for it to drop. Biggest surprise of the trip ride wise! Brilliant, a master piece of a ride!


This is where we separated. Those that still needed to ride coasters went off and done them whilst Richard's car went for Temple of the Spitehawk. our first stop was Colorado Adventure. Again, I didn't know what to expect. The queue at first looked horrible with it spilling so much out of the original queue, but it was only about 20 minutes.
Another brilliant ride, a bit lethal, but fantastic. Seats could have done with being a bit comfier which would've made the ride experience that little bit better, but it was still good.


Winjas Fear and Black Mamba were still remaining and we had an hour and half before park closing. A vote was held and Black Mamba was chosen. A queue time of 30 minutes was displayed; an improvement from the hour earlier in the day. Whilst waiting for the guys when we first arrived, we noticed batching was a little **** and a lot of seats were going empty.

After a bit of faff from Sue (this continued throughout the trip) into the queue we went and only then do you see what you're in for when you get on the train. Some of the queue is themed well and there is some nice interaction with the ride. Making for photo opportunities like this:


25 minutes later and we were in the station and the back row was chosen. Those who know me know that I'm not a fan of Nemesis and if anything was going to beat this, it would have to be Mamba. On we get and away we go.
Amazing coaster, really fast, intense, but not bad enough to make you feel ill. Inversions were lovely and the constant speed was fab. Another fantastic surprise and so so much better than Nemesis imo! I enjoyed it that much that if I had a top 10, it would be #2.



half an hour left until the queue for Winjas closed. So we made a dash over there. When we got there the queue board said the queue had closed. A member of staff was wandering around, but the gate was still open. 9 CFers belongings into one locker again and we ran through the open gate and into the queue.

Fear was our chosen side this time and this time with a much nicer queue of 15 minutes we were soon on and away! The one main difference between the two was not as good on Fear as on Force. Still a good ride, but Force was the better of the two sides. Fear was an overall good ride though.

With all the coasters completed, we still had about 10 minutes until the majority of queues closed. So we done the 'only underground ghost train in Europe'. With the standard of theming throughout the rest of the park, this was disappointing. Lots of dodgy animatronics and not a fat lot else.

By now, the queues had closed and the park was shutting up. We did wander over to see if Mystery Castle was still open; it wasn't so we called it a day there. After a bit of faff we located Richard's car to have already left the park, so we said our goodbyes and headed for some food and the go kart track.

So overall, Phantasialand was an amazing park in which I was completely shocked by. Phantastic :)P) theming throughout and brilliant rides. Despite having been up for well over 24 hours by the time we left the park, it still managed to wow me and during the whole day not even make me think that I had been up such an ungodly amount of hours!
With the timing, we didn't get to see all of the park or ride everything (including Talocan) but not to worry, all the more reason to return to the park in the not so distant future.

Day 2 will be up sometime soon! :)


CF Legend
Righty o', on to day two....

Temple of the spitecred, gratuitous gussets and the return of the beaverhoff!

We only had to travel for half an hour from the hotel to get to the park so we left a little bit early to grab some McDonalds for breakfast to give us some much needed energy for the day ahead. Note to UK McDonalds: Please get McGriddles (or whatever they were called), they taste really nice and only 1€ :D

Anyway we arrived at Phantasialand around 8:45 and the car parks were already starting to fill up. The park opened at 9am but by the time we sorted our lives out and got our entry tickets we were able to enter. We decided the best way to start the day would be to head straight for Black Mamba.


When we got to Mamba there was already a mass of peeps getting ready to ride. However much to our annoyance the rides weren't actually open until 9:30 so we had to wait 30 minutes in a very cramped area considering the amount of peeps trying to queue to ride. I'm glad we got there when we did though as the queues were going off in all directions and looked extremely long by the time the queue opened.


Walking through the queueline reminded me how long it is but also how amazingly detailed it is. We were so glad to not have to queue that far away from the station though and I think we ended up on the third or forth train. Such a fantastic ride, continuously fast round the entire circuit and just fantastic fun. What a great way to start a weekend of awesome rides.

As this was Nic's first time to the park she spent most of the time just staring at all the awesome theming around the park and it is stunning. The park felt like it was getting very busy and there was no way we were missing out on the AMAZING River Quest so we went to do that next. We decided to not let her know about what happens on the ride because it really is better that way. Overall we didn't get very wet but we shared our boat with a German family and at one point one of them screamed "scheiße!" oh how we all laughed and Richard replied with "we know what that means!" :p

We then opted for the Winjas Fear and Force spinning coasters. As you have to get a locker to put all your stuff in we didn't want to waste money so decided to just do both in one go. However trying to find a locker was an absolute nightmare. Took us a good 10 minutes going round all the locker areas to try and find one that was available. Most people had given up and just threw their stuff on or near the lockers. So yeah after that faff we queued for both Fear and Force, both had very long queues but the second queue we did felt like it moved a lot quicker. Apart from that, as always, both coasters are awesome, their secret elements are just fascinating (I still don't understand how they do one of them) and it's just a fun ride every time, even more so when you have Nic sitting behind you and she was the only one that hadn't ridden either of them before (first time at the park), sounds of amusement and joy were heard..a LOT. The only down side about them is that they don't spin much, oh well, everything else makes up for it.

We wanted to make sure we saw the awesome magic show that we saw last year which has had an update for this season. So we checked out the times and decided we had enough time for another ride before the next performance.

The weather was actually really nice, very hot so we decided to cool down by doing the log flume. I didn't like the look of the queue but it moved really quickly, awesome. The theming was quite good in areas and the first drop was fun, then we spotted the beavers of lol. We all shouted "beaverhoff!" and I think the on ride photo which was taken at this moment explains the amusement the discovery of the beaverhoff was to us...


Then we went up the second lift hill and went down the much bigger, steeper drop right in front of everyone. The water didn't smell very nice that's for sure, Nic who was sitting at the front got quite the drenching and my sides got quite heavily spited too, the water was also very cold. The peeps in the other boats laughed at how wet we got compared to them, oh wells :p


We still had a bit of time to kill before the show so went to the epic new ice cream counter...


One word: NOM! It was proper awesome ice cream and was really cheap at 1€ per scoop!

Then we went to see the updated magic show. We had got in fairly late and it was really busy so we ended up right on the edge of like the 4th row, oh wells. The stage theming still amazes me, more impressive than what some parks do for their big rides. Then it began and it was odd, I think they've changed it a lot apart from the general gist of the story (which I feel has been lost a little and been replaced with more randomness). The dancers were still showing off everything (not naked, just very, very tight outfits) which led to Will and Nic claiming the show gave us "gratuitous gussets" - lol. The magic elements are pretty standard acts and I was pleasantly entertained by them.

We were feeling hungry so we grabbed some lunch at some sausage place at the end of their main street place. Efficient lady at the counter was scary. The food was alright, nothing to really shout about.

Nic was screaming "creds" by this point so we went to do Colorado Adventure, otherwise known as the Michael Jackson coaster. The queue looked long and there were many people trying to queue jump and be all-round annoying twats. We also had a phonecall with the Mysterious one, otherwise known as Sue. She was in the park and in some sort of queue but I couldn't quite tell where or for what ride so I told her we were also queuing and that we'd call her back :p

Turns out the queue moves pretty quickly, helped that we played Top Trumps (think we were playing the German theme park ones by this point) which, as usual, meant we were watched by several people in the queue. The ride itself is quite good but is really let down by the seats, the backs need to be higher and padded, I probably gained a bruise because of how low they are. Oh well, I'll live :p

Once off the ride we got back on the phone with Sue and tracked everyone down to outside Black Mamba. At first we only saw Jordan, then everyone slowly emerged from a mass of peeps at the food place all with food in hand. Awesome sauces. We all stood around chatting while we waited for everyone to finish having their lunch. It was then decided that River Quest had to happen! Good choice.


Well, it would have been a fantastic choice but the queue was massive, oh well, we all had plenty to talk about so we joined it and just got more frustrated as time went on. I'm not sure what they were doing but the queue was moving very slowly. It didn't help that at one point a family were trying to get to the front, Richard was having none of it and caused quite a stir which is right, they don't have the right to just jump in front of everyone else, especially when there were like 8 of them. How would they have felt if all 13 of us jumped to the front of the queue? Exactly.


The ride was still awesome though and AJ, Maddie and Jordan with their Royal Wedding bunting was quite amusing. Just before we left the ride they tied some of it to the centre of the boat. I wonder how long that lasted?

We then noticed that the queue for Mysterious Castle wasn't too bad so we went to queue for that after faffing at the entrance for a while, obviously. Got to be one of the best attractions in Europe, the theming, music and the way it just sets off so quickly just make it such a unique and amazing ride experience <3


As time was running out and Nic had to still get her Temple of the Nighthawk credit and the rest of the group had to get on other creds we all split up again. On our way over to the ride we got side-tracked by all the dragon characters roaming the big courtyard area due to their show just finishing. When Nic and I got our pic taken with the golden giraffe one it started making noises, was quite creepy but also rather hilarious.



After our faff with the dragons we went to ride Temple of the Nighthawk. The queueline was still open when we got there but as we entered the queue peeps started coming towards us sending us into confusion town. After a little while we discovered that despite the board saying it was open for a further 15 minutes when you got to the station they turned you away and told you the ride was closed. SPITE. I still don't understand the thinking behind it though, why contradict what the sign says without having a staff member at the entrance to tell everyone straight away? Nic wasn't very happy about this, to add to the situation her foot was starting to play up.

To help break up the mass of walking to somewhere awesome I suggested that because we were next to it we should go on the simulator themed to Atlantis. So we did, took up quite a bit of time too, it was also rather rough and horrible, oh wells.

We then ended up back over at Mystery Castle for another ride on the awesome attraction.


We decided that as rides were closing we should make our way back to the hotel and rest a bit before the evening's activity. By the exit near Mystery Castle they were giving free return tickets, YES PLEASE! So we sorted those out before heading over to the Asia area. I spotted Wang and had to have my pic taken with him :p



hahahahahaha, WANG.

So we exited the park after a good, if a very busy day at Phantasialand. We got back to the hotel, faffed around a little bit and just before we were going to leave for some food we got a call from Sue. They decided they were coming to the Karting centre with us so we waited around for them as they wanted to grab food too. They were taking long so we decided to meet them at Subway which was very near the hotel.

The two staff members behind the counter were really nice, just a shame they were running out of rolls and ingredients! We all ended up getting what we wanted anyway. After eating our awesome subs we started to play on the table football. A bit later Sue arrived and said they were going to go to the Burger King up the road for food. After finishing off one more game of table football (I'm absolutely abysmal at it btw) we went over there to meet them.

I saw they had a special edition coconut chocolate ice cream mcflurry-rip-off. I just had to have one, so I did, it was NOM. Was surprised how much coconut I could taste.

After waiting around for some time for Sue to do whatever the hell she gets up to we got back in the car. As we sat with the engine running waiting for Sue to get ready she then rolled forward twice instead of reversing and then as she was following us Richard decided to go the wrong way round this little unused roundabout and then we found TREE! It was like the barrier chaos all over again lol and as Sue was following us she drove through the tree branches too, much to our amusement.

Anyway after like an hours drive we were at the Michael Shoemaker karting centre. It was quite late and the place was rather empty. Just a small group of locals. After faffing with all the paperwork and money we had a 10 minute wait till our first go round the course. This was my first ever time, the only other driving experience I've had were like 4 lessons about 4 years ago lol. So you could say I was absolutely sh*tting it, especially as we had locals in the group and I saw what they were like last time.

I went round rather slowly, trying to get a feel of everything and after a few goes round I picked up the pace a bit. Several times I got majorly spited by the locals, WHERE THE F*CK DO THEY COME FROM!? Before you know it you're having random flags waved at you (no idea what they meant on the first go) and as I turn a corner, zoom, there goes angry German lady. It was terryifying but also exhilarating.

I did quite badly but I was happy just going at the pace I was lol. After a short break we then had another 10 minute go round the track. This time it was just us...CF TAKEOVER! I was more relaxed this time and tried to push the speed a bit but whenever I did I ended up spiting myself somehow lol, at one point I completely crashed into a corner, oh yeah go me :D Had quite a cool little battle with Will at one point which could have ended very badly but luckily it didn't.

So yeah, absolutely amazing experience, when we going again? Will was the winner amongst the group, AJ came second and Richard came third. We're still quite puzzled how AJ did so well lol.


Will loves irony

We then went back to the hotel for some much wanted sleep.

That's it for today, in the next report there will be tales of scary witches, TROY and dinosaurs. Thanks for reading!

Mysterious Sue

Strata Poster
My trip started on the Thursday night. I rushed home from work in time for AJ’s arrival and had done most of my packing when he called to say he was at the train station. My passport wasn’t in its usual place, but I didn’t give it much thought at that point, and sauntered off to pick him up. With AJ collected and dinner cooked and eaten, I went to do the last finishing touches to the packing. It was about 8 o’clock when I realised that there might be a problem! Poor AJ helped me search Mystery Castle inside and out, but the passport was still nowhere to be seen. I was trying to keep calm, but underneath, a rising feeling of panic had begun to take over. On a whim, I called my Mum (as I’d been with my family the last time I’d seen the elusive document); she couldn’t find it either. Then a few minutes later, she calls back. She found it! It had been down the back of the seat in their car all along! IN KENT! OMG the relief (I was so worried because I knew loads of people were relying on me over the next couple of days). Phew! So AJ and I had an impromptu trip to Kent to visit my parents. He got to meet my Mum and do some chav spotting (‘it’s a real matching tracksuit!!!’). This also meant that the 5 hours sleep I’d planned was cut to just one hour :(. I can’t tell AJ how amazing he was for putting up with all that. *big hugs*

After a pointlessly feeble sleep, it was up and off to that back-of-beyond airport, Stanstead. We found the car park with little faffing, got on the shuttle bus, and were soon searching for Rach under the big ‘F’! I went off to the loo, and when I returned, Maddie and Jordan had turned up. This was the first time I’d met Maddie, and was rather shocked that she actually existed! We then went through to security, where I began to think that my trip was totally doomed. Firstly, my bag was singled out and unpacked. Now, I’m not the lightest of packers at the best of times, and I’d tried to cram in two sandwich packets, two bags of doughnuts, a packet of walkers crisps, a packet of Pringles (they were the new basil, tomato and mozzarella flavour btw, which is awesome!!) and five bags of sweets, into my suitcase along with my clothes. The guard’s face was priceless! The culprit was a tube of toothpaste that someone (who will remain nameless) had borrowed and shoved back into my bag after the separating of liquids! Then, because I’d been stopped, they decided that my freezer bag did not qualify as sealable! I moaned that their silly bags were too small, to which the guard told me I’d have to leave some stuff behind! What an arse! Thanks Jordan for giving up a proper sealable bag. I continued to tell him that I travel all the time and it had never been an issue before, and was determined to take all my stuff with me! After several minutes of fighting with the rubix cube puzzle of trying to fit all my various pots of potions into said bag, he let me off and I ran to the others. At this point, someone suggested I might want my coat, and had to run back and collect that. Ohh the shame!!! I was convinced I’d been jinxed and that our plane was landed on a pet cemetery or something. However, things began to look up when a man thrust a free shot of whisky in my hand. This seemed to alleviate the problem for a while.

We sat in the lounge and I tried to crawl into a hole and die as the others watched the wedding footage on a large TV and waved bunting in the air. Newspaper cuttings with royal faces were thrust towards me, and a random freaky man started talking to us. Mike appeared at some point and improved matters; he seemed to share the same view of the wedding as me. Finally the flight was called, but went straight from waiting to last call! Silly Ryan Air! We legged it to the gate in time to see people being stopped and having their bags checked for size. At this point, I did my usual hiding of my second bag up the armpit of my coat that I was carrying (good tip there girls!) and simultaneously jumped up and down on my suitcase in a vain hope of shrinking it. It did little to change its size, but lots to pulverise the Pringles inside (more on that later).

This is taking forever, and we haven’t even got to a park yet, so to cut a long story short, we got on the plane, I threw doughnuts at people but no-one seemed hungry, I got told off for trying to take a photo whilst on the plane, Maddie and Jordan amused themselves cutting out scary pictures of royalty, and finally we touched down in Frankfurt-hahn (aka airport in a field in the middle of nowhere). I went off to get the hire car, which involved Europecar driving me out of the airport to the local village, and me then driving back into the airport again to pick every one up! Ahhh the fafffage! About an hour and a half later my google map printouts and trusty biro scrawl of road names on post-it-notes took us to the gates of Phantasialand...

(next time on ‘the car of 99% girls, of which 25.3% like girls’ we faff some more, I join the world’s longest queue for coke, and we ride the BEST DROP TOWER EVER!!!)


Giga Poster
Alright then, have Toverland!

So after the go karting with Richard's car, we left and made our way towards Dusseldorf which would present us with bed for the evening. After getting really lost, we finally arrived at the hotel at 1:20am. By now, I'd been up for a good 42 hours and just wanted some sleep, which is not exactly easy to come by when sharing a room with snoring Sue! The hotel we stayed in was really nice and far better than the dive we stayed in for the rest of the trip.

Before we knew it, it was time to get up and make our way to Toverland. A suitable hotel breakfast was consumed and off we went. The journey was an hour and one missed turn off later we had arrived just before the pre arranged 9:30! :D


The park didn't open until 10, so the 13 of us stood around outside the entrance having more doughnuts thrown at us. During the wait for the park to open, the park mascots who are terrifying were taunting us from inside!


The doors opened and in we went with Slayed's email of Joy giving us entry for €18. Once everyone had paid and collected maps, in we went! The first thing that greets you is an array of child friendly climbing stuff which is suitable for CFers!
It didn't take long at all to get on the first piece of equipment.




So once we had sustained the first bruises of the day, we made our way over to the first coaster. We got sidetracked and ended up in this thing where you point a wand at sensors and stuff will either move, light up or do something else. Very well crafted and I'm sure kids would love it, heck even I thought it was a pretty decent attraction!

Back on track, we headed over to Boomerang; the indoor coaster. It was walk on and with 13 of us we managed to take over the whole train. The ride itself was yet another +1 and nothing special at all. Was quite cool how it winded around everything in the first shed.


Next thing that was done was the Bobkart thing before the queue got horrific. There wasn't really any need to worry about that seeing as nothing got much more than a 5 minute queue throughout the whole day.
Anyway, Bobkart. It looks like it could be good, but it really isn't. Firstly the position in which you're forced to sit in, in order to make sure the leavers are fully down is uncomfortable. Also the outdoor bit is really very pointless as it is the last turn back in the shed. The most amusing thing that happened was that my car decided to stop and wouldn't go any further just before the end of the ride. That caused a bit of a back log. :oops:
It was a piece of junk anyway!






Once that was done, we faffed a little inside the 2nd shed on some more of the stuff that is designed to try and hurt you in as many places as possible.
We soon got fed up of it and headed for coaster #2.


Booster Bike was our chosen destination. I'm not a fan of these launch coasters as firstly the seating becomes painful in the chest position as Sue found out once on ride. The key is to not lean down on it otherwise your boobs will fall out. :p
Anyway, Booster Bike. It was average and not a lot else can be said about it.


As we were outside, it was time to head over to the parks signature attraction; Troy. After what I've heard, I was expecting something amazing, but was sadly disappointed by what was given. The area in which it is located is lovely with a mass of wood, grass, rocks and shrubbery.




The queue for said ride didn't get much bigger than this throughout the day. When the dutch had realised it was to be another gloriously sunny day and the park got slightly busier, it was still only a 2 train wait.


So Troy. Firstly, the sound track is awesome and we continued to sing it for the remainder of the trip. The ride itself is good if it weren't for the fact that every time I rode it (5 times during the day) I could feel my brain rattling around in my skull from some of the more jolty areas of the ride. The first drop is brilliant then there is a small jolt and then it was just painful in the head department for me. Shame really as the ride is good, but that let it down for me.

We re-rode it again seeing as it was walk on. Then we noticed some more kiddies play stuff which involved water. I decided to take photos, then go and explore for myself.




I think we spent a good 45 minutes playing around on all the outside stuff that the park had to offer. Including those photos above, trampolines, park stuff and the maze.
I did seem to turn into Will's personal bag lady at this time; something that continued through the rest of the day.



We then found some more water stuff, so went and abused that as well.


The sun was starting to beat down on us at this point and it was bloody warm. I think it was the warmest day of the trip and I know I came back redder on that day than any other.
We had seen the log flume and it looked pretty refreshing, so that happened. You start off in shed 2 and then venture outside.


The flume has 2 drops, the first of which is inside and is backwards. Not really very wet at all, just mildly moist. The odd thing is that the turntable to turn the boat back forwards is partly up the lift for the 2nd drop which was quite amusing.
When watching the ride, it doesn't look that high or moist. Don't let this deceive you as it is high and very wet. There is another turntable at the top of the ride to turn it to face the drop. Rather than the boat creating a big splash and it dumping the water on you, it's more on a continuous spray that don't half get you wet! Good ride and very refreshing.

Not really knowing what to do with ourselves, we hung around in shed 2 and played on some of the big kids toys! This included climbing up a circular rope thing that nearly killed me. I was the last one up as it took me that long. The slide was pretty awesome though.
There was also these horrible roller slides that didn't half cause unwanted vibration times. Also with 3/4 length jeans on, the sensation on skin was horrible. Funny though hearing the screams as we went through them.

Once we had exhausted ourselves on that, it was time for lunch! We all decided to go to this one place in shed 1 that sold a selection of hot and cold foods! I and many others were starting to get sick of chips which becomes a staple diet for many when on a Live. Something that I did like that the fact that the made and sold fresh baguettes and sandwiches which is a fantastic substitute from burgers and chips! Something you don't see over here very often.

Once lunch was consumed, we made our way back outside into the glorious dutch sunshine. We headed over to Troy and stopped for ice cream! They did have these awesome Cola Calippos which were fab! We sunned ourselves for a while before moving onto Troy again.



After about 15 minutes we made our way onto Troy again.




By this time, the queue had grown slightly with an assortment of green and orange children who had descended on the park. Me and a few others decided to join the separate queue for the back row. A 4 train wait later and we were on.


It had warmed up a lot more since earlier that morning. However, it still rattled my brain around, but it was slightly better than earlier on.

We had exhausted the park by now and done the vast majority of things we wanted to. So we had the group photo outside the Troy horse which I'm sure everyone has seen by now. If not;


I think we rode the pile of ship now as there really wasn't much else to do. We wanted a CF take over so let a load of people through. We almost got it and then some eager children joined us. The pile of ship was as average as ever, but it does fit in very well with the Troy area.

Having explored outside, we went back inside and into shed #1 for some of the stuff that was in there. The first thing we done in there were the water slides which actually moved quite quickly, nothing more than a wet arse was had by all.
Next we faffed a lot. Slayed and Gavin re-rode the slides, while AJ and Maddie climbed in the kids play thing with AJ thinking he looked really attractive up there.


Nic and Rich joined them, but just went up and then down the slide. A little more faff later and we moved onto the next thing; the indoor chair swings.
The cycle was really long and tedious. Mine and Will's chairs get tilting out at an odd angle on every rotation.



I think it was at this point we went and took over the fun house in one of the shed. AJ tried to break himself on the wheel and we all piled on a turntable and nearly broke each other and some children. That was amusing.

Next stop was the highly anticipated rope course. After how long it took me to climb the death things before lunch, I weren't attempting the rope course, so took photos instead.
Myself, Maddie, Gavin, John and Mike sat out. While waiting I went and rewarded myself with a Cola Callipo and Sprite!

When I got back outside, they were a few people from being the next lot out. Following is a load of photos.


















Once everyone had got off, we had a quick rest of the grass and then made our way over to Troy again for some more ride action. I think we sat outside again for a little while before making our way into the queue.


This time I chose front row to see if it was any better. Fantastic views were had from the ride, but me and John did get a face full of flies and again it continued to make my brain rattle around. Having now rode it 4 times, the back of it was certainly the best place to ride. No wonder they had the separate queue for it.

Once we got off, we sat down again and Sue had ice cream that decided to break all over her. After a little while we moved onto the porn ponies to try and kill a little more time. By now it was 5pm and we only had an hour to kill.

We decided to re-ride the booster bike as we had given Troy a lot of love that day. We got sidetracked by some tire things that also tried to break us and us break them.


I thought this ride on Booster Bike was better than the one that morning and I think Sue had learnt from her mistake that morning. :p


Now it was at least half 5 and so Troy re-rides happened. I decided to try it one more time and rode this with Will. Out of all the rides this one hurt me the most and despite the fact we could've stayed on and gone around again, we chose not to and got off.
Instead we went and sat outside and had crisp related foodage and diet coke times.

Gradually the rest of the group also got off the thing. By now the park had closed and it was time to make our way out.
Our evening activity for that night was crazy golf at some holiday park. After eventually tracking down the place to be in Belgium and not Holland, we made our way there with Slayed's car & Nic making their way to Eindhoven.

Toverland was another fantastic park. Great for a children's park and fantastic for a bunch of big kids like us. Troy is clearly their signature ride, but for me it just wasn't as good as what it could have been. It was a good ride, but the pain hampered it a bit. Would go back if they were to get another big ride, but not until then.

I'll end it there. The crazy golf thing was fantastic, but by the time we had finished it was late, we were all shattered and starving! We bid each other farewell and made our way to the various hotels. We got slightly lost finding the hotel again (no surprise there really).
We went into the town to grab something to eat before heading back to what can only be described as one of the worst hotels I've ever stayed in. The rooms felt like prison cells complete with metal railing beds.
Another mainly sleepless night ensured as this is what normally happens when sharing with Sue.

Efteling will be up soon!


From CoasterForce
Staff member
Social Media Team
Love the reports!

Why is Plod wearing a safety jacket?

Is Myerious Castle actually called Mysterious Castle or was it named that because it's a castle and Mysterious Sue was there?

Mysterious Sue

Strata Poster
Lol! It's called 'Mystery Castle', but I took the time to show everyone around whilst in the queue. I showed them the moat, the plans for the new conservatory, and even introduced them to the cute colony of bats in the basement! I think they all felt at home, apart from the building work being undertaken in the tower obviously. Damn those PHD students from Nottingham! :--D


Giga Poster
So i've been rudely awoken by the KANTS next door, so like, TRIP REPORT *fans face*

So my weekend started on wednesday [sort of] i had done three 2-11 shifts at work, and it was my final one, i got home, woke everyone up and just PACKED, i got to sleep at about 2am, then woke up at 5 to get ready for my early shift at work. LONGEST SHIFT EVER, however 6pm came around and i was off to kingston to meet SUE[bo].

I ARRIVED at kingston, to find sue hadn't received my text.... i called and she then came and picked me up in the MAZDA <3.
We got back to hers, and as Sue was cooking and i was sat chatting to her from the living room, 2 men walk into the house [i assumed they were her house mates, i mean, they just SASHAYED in...] Sue then emerges from the kitchen and says "who are you?" at witch point OH MAH DAYZZZZ i was SCREEWWWWIN. Like wtf get away from me. They turned out to be some friends of a house mate [right.] ANYWAY.
We ate, then decided to have a quick search for Sues passport, she didn't have it.... I tried helping, but there was no point. After fafffff, sue finds out it's in ESSEX. So we have a late night mince to essex, where i saw a fat child wearing a genuine tracksuit, but like, the gross grey ones, the jumper was exactly the same as the trousers. My eyes were insulted.
Sues mum was FAB, and we watched some TV where we saw THE BUGRER MAN:


We then sashayed back to sues and had the most pointless sleep ever.
Those there found out how much i was genuinely GUTTED i was missing the royal wedding, but i decided to reppp willz and kate through means of tee:

I sorted my hair out and minced into sues room to watch her finish packing

And off we set to stansted [with lots of fab gay music].

Got there, parked

and went and met everyone inside. Everyone was tiiiiired and just eurgh. we went through security after sue did whatever she does in the toilet. Jordan was made to REMOVE her SHOES. And Sue was spited by some **** who put the toothpaste back where they found it in her bag earlier that day.

We then waited for our flight, where jordan and i discovered free shots of whiskey. We informed the others and sue, maddie and i shotted whiskey at 5am. [it was GROSS and i wanted to V, but as maddie said "it's free alcohol"].

After sitting around getting jealous about not being at the royal wedding, me and maddie went on the hunt to find more bunting. We looked in AllSaints, and then got called to our flight. We got to the gate.


We minced over to the plane

Sue slept, so i threw a bag of doughnuts at her.

She threw them back and they ended up here:

We played around with the royals:


Before we knew it we'd ARRIVED

It was whilst we were waiting for sue i saw a sign at a terminal building thing..... to which we all thought "that must mean closed" I then exclaimed "GESCHLOSSEN" in a fab high pitched voice, and GESCHLOSSEN! was born.

Sue then got stolen away in a car, so we just posed.

Sue arrived:

We were driving, when i saw this sexy little party of wind turbines MINCING in the FIELD:

After hour and a half car driving times, and Sue nearly crashing into a junction turning because she saw shiny dirt particles.... we got to PHANTASIA LAND.


It's one of the strangest parks i've ever had to enter the park into. It's weird, you drive along side a fence with towering buildings and ride the other side of it, then you drive under this bridge thing and it looks like you're drivign through an alley in croydon, then you keep driving and see the RAPIDS <3 and yeah, we ended up at the BACK of the grass car park [i guess it was midday by now]

The one building that i was impressed yet intimidated by, was Sues Mystery Castle:

Everyone went to the toilet, and sue did whatever the hell she does in the toilet.... PHOTO OP.

Just walking around the park i was AMAZED by the levels of theming that had gone into the ENTIRE park. There wasn't a single brinck or beam without theming. I was in HEAVEN. [loljk i've been banned].

We sashayed over to Black Mamba, because the others said they'd be 15 minutes... *raises eyebrow*
We admired the theming:




Maddie and i decided it had been half an hour, so we went and looked at Talocan <3<3

It was then we went back and met Slayeds car. We decided to go and find a creddddd.
On the way we saw epic chairswing


We found wize town, so decided it was time to do WINJAS <3

There were these weird dick nosed things at the entrance inside:

The level of theming was so amazing, even down to tiny little details:

Winjas circles round this other ride that lifts you up for views and they lowers you down so ther cars can go up.

We went on Winjas force. The queue was disgusting from the outside, but it seemed they were batching so it wasn't too bad. The thing i disliked the most was towards the end of the queue both queues for fear and force come together in this tiny room, i felt like cattle in a slaughter house. HOWEVER. As we stood in this queue, Maddie, Jordan and i were discussing videos and then commenting on people around us STARING at Jordan. So i gave my usual face of digust, to which we related to "JUST GIVE IT THE FACE"


I swear, it was HILARIOUS. So yeah, we got onto Winjas FORCE.

It was the most amazing spinner ever. Like, i was left utterly speechless. Just all the incredible weird stuff that happens, and there's something in there that happens that just, i was so mind **** by. The bounce at the end was FAB cause we all screamed <3


Strata Poster
Ian, the first paragraph of my Toverland report explains why Ploddish was sporting the sexy Hi-Vis ;)

Oh, and Rach reminded me... who had the ORP of Sue on the Booster bike? If that can't get more hits on the site, I don't know what will! lol!


From CoasterForce
Staff member
Social Media Team
Hmm, would Mysterious Sue mind if I tweeted that? There's a lot of young, male coaster enthusiasts that would appreciate that image. Can it be posted in the ORP section?

Mysterious Sue

Strata Poster
Haha I would be honored! Although rather it attracted some young, red blooded girls...but all for the good of CF I spose :D


From CoasterForce
Staff member
Social Media Team
OK, once it's in the ORP forum (it may be there already, I've yet to look), I'll tweet your tits.