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"Pass the Duchy" Trip Reports


Strata Poster
Post your TRs here. I'll do mine later. Eventually.

Let the annoying in-jokes begin...


Mysterious Sue

Strata Poster
Her lips were warm...and resourceful!

I'll try and do a report later today. I haven't attempted one in a while, but not to do one for this trip would be an absolute insult. Currently looking at property prices in the vicinity of Phantasialand :D


Strata Poster
Day 1: Phantasialand

OK, so this wasn't actually a part of the CF-live, but sod it, we all went so I'm posting it here anyway.

We arrived just before the rides opened to find an already fairly busy park that was filling up fast. Myself, Stone Cold, Will and Peep had stayed locally the night before, so made the most of our head start. We went straight over to Black Mamba and queued up, eventually getting on about the 4th train of the day. It was great. The section at the end which reminded me more of a suspended coaster was great, and a bit different. The interaction with the theming and surroundings is very good too. I don't know though, it still doesn't quite top Nemesis somehow for me though. It is probably #2 on my list of B&M inverts though.

At this point, its important to mention just how well themed the park is. It's stunning. Its also quite big, but doesn't really feel like it because there's so much there. Unfortunately, as a result of this, I didn't take a huge number of photos, so you'll have to forgive me.

As everything was already starting to get stupidly busy, we opted to do River Quest next. The boys refused to tell me what it entailed, so I occupied myself by taking photos of the station/queue theming.






As I said, I didn't know what to expect, other than the fact that its a 'bendy boat' rapids, is clearly huge, and everyone says its awesome.


They weren't wrong! OMGWTFBBQ!!!111!!1!oneeleven!!11!!! It's AMAZING! John filmed it. I'm sure the video will surface at some point, so you can see just how much I screamed on my first ride! Easily my favourite ever rapids.

Throughout the day, I managed to take lots of scary close ups of people's faces.










Anyway, next we went round to do Winjas. Again, they didn't tell me what to expect. The surprises in the dark again, made me scream my head off. There's not much spinning though which kinda makes them a bit pointless, but the crazy bits of moving track and the vertical lift more than make up for it.

I think we went and did the flog lume next. It was a bit meh. 2 drops and not much else. There was a random animatronic Beaver(Hof) though that made us all lol.



John, you're doing it wrong!


But his name is on the wall, so I guess we'll let him off


We also went on Colorado Adventure at some point. The theming is fab, and the ride experience is really very good, but at the end of the day, its still just a mine train.

From here, the 4 of us went to watch the new magic show. It was pretty fab, if you like that sort of thing. Again though, the theming on the stage set was excellent. There was also gratuitous gusset which Will and I approved of.

It was then time to meet up with everyone else.




AJ's arse upset me


We all went on the rapids together which by this point had a vile queue. It was worth it though to see Maddie's face throughout the ride. LOL!

Next up was Mysterious Sue's Mysterious Castle



The actors in the queue line can **** right off. Oh, and the batching was TERRIBLE! Apart from that, it's utterly FAB! If the ride itself was outside, it'd be crap. However, with the music and the effects, it's just absolutely brilliant. It could do with being on a bit of a longer cycle though.

After that, I think we split back up again. We went over to get my final cred and got spited! The sign said it closed at 6:15. We were there at 6:05 and it was already closed. SPIIIIIITE! It was therefore referred to for the rest of the weekend as 'Temple of the SPITE Hawk'. Arse.

We went on the Atlantis simulator thing. It's a big pile of balls. They need to tear it out and replace it. The film is tired and dated. 2D films on this sort of thing are just so passée now. People aren't interested any more. The simulator itself is also so rough its painful. Plus, it must take up a ton of space. There must be something more productive they could replace it with. I think that's probably the only attraction from the whole day I actually didn't like though and we only went on that because we were walking past having just been spited by the cred.

To cheer myself up, we went back on the Castle of Awesome. That left time to have a look round the shop before leaving.

The park is brilliant, it was just far far FAR too busy. There's possibly too much to see in a day at the best of times, but with the queues as they were, it was just impossible. There's just so much to see and there's tons of stuff we just didn't get round to. I'd definitely recommend a trip here though to anyone. Its well worth the effort of the travel. The theming is great, the ride selection is good, and everything they have goes just that one step further than your average ride. I'll definitely have to go back at some point. If only to get my last CRED! hehe

In the evening, we went go karting. I fail at life. Will doesn't, but he does have ironic taste in T-shirts for someone standing on top of a podium


AJ and Stone Cold took the other podium places


Will later celebrated by finding himself a sexy new lampshade hat


Days 2, 3 and 4 to follow....


Giga Poster
O M G, what a trip!
Loved it so so much.

Thanks to everyone who went, great small group. And more specifically to Sue for organising everything and driving me around.

Phantasialand was the best out the 4 parks in terms of ride quality. Toverland and Efteling were pretty fab too. Bobbejaanland was definitely the let down of the trip and really was just a 'credit' park.

I'll post a full TR when I have a little bit of time. Hopefully next week sometime with a bit of luck.

Here's the group photos. If better quality ones are wanted give me a shout and I'll e-mail them over. :)



Edit: Don't know why the links aren't displaying the pictures. Any ideas?

Mysterious Sue

Strata Poster
Awesome start Vadge. Can't wait to start reading them all. I was just too tired last night, but will try again today.

Thanks Rach, no probs. Thanks for being my room buddy and putting up with my driving (if I ever do this again, I'm def getting a sat nav!). I'm forever indebted to Jordan's ability to map read (and whilst about to puke!)

Would you be able to send me the good quality group photos please Rach? That one of Troy is crying out to be my wallpaper :D Thank you


From CoasterForce
Staff member
Social Media Team
I know that these reports tend to concentrate a lot on the banter and in-joke (which is fine btw), but I am interested to read opinions of the rides/parks as well. (Just like Vadge did in her report above.)

Still gutted I couldn't go, but I had a nice time watching the snooker and eating non-stop BBQ food. *trying not to sound jealous*


Strata Poster
I'm thinking that buying a TROY! lanyard and using it for my work security pass was a mistake. Every time I look down at it, I start singing the theme tune. This could get rather tiresome after a few days...


CF Legend
We also went on Colorado Adventure at some point. The theming is fab, and the ride experience is really very good, but at the end of the day, its still just a mine train.

Urgh, lesbians.

And, ha, Temple of the Night Hawk spiting you <3 I think it's fab as well, so ffffuuuuuu.


CF Legend
I'll write a trip report too then, but I don't have any photos of my own so I hope you lot like reading =]

So I picked Maddie up from Southampton Central and we drove to mine so I didn't have to pay for stupid over-priced parking at the airport. We stayed at the Holiday Inn near the airport so we could take advantage of the (much, much needed) extra half an hour in bed!

We got up at about 4 after going to bed at around 11 once The Royal Wedding Hackers had finished (and now for your main course, Beef Wellington!) and got the shuttle bus to the airport. It cost us £2 each which I thought was a bit cheeky but whatever, it was a lot simpler, cheaper and faster than driving there myself.

When we arrived at the airport we started trying to spot Sue, AJ and Rach. We thought we saw Rach sitting by the computers and I almost shouted to her, but then realised it wasn't her so just minced past trying to act casual ;]

Anyway, this is getting boring and we haven't even left the country yet so I'll give the gist of the rest of the airport fun (=/) Sue got spited by a stray tube of toothpaste not in a separate clear bag, Mike found us in the terminal, Ryanair are crap as our flight went front waiting for the gate number to be announced to last call which made us all panic a tad, cutting out various royal faces from the newspaper and faffing with them and reading out loud from the classifieds in the back of Front magazine. Needless to say the flight went by pretty damn fast and before we knew it we had landed. Really easy and simple flight, can't complain at all.

We were making pretty good time as before we knew it Sue was driving around the corner in our hired Skoda of Certain Death and we were on the road to Phantasialand. There was much yayness and happytimes.

For some reason, despite the fact that there was minimal faffage and we were making amazing time, we didn't get to the park until around 12. I don't know if it's the same for anyone else but I'm very time conscious in situations like this and I was beginning to get a bit twitchy every minute we spent not riding things.

We texted the group to see where they were. 'We're queuing for Black Mamba, we'll be about 15 minutes'. 40 minutes later the goons finally appear going up the lifthill as we all watched sad-faced at the lack of credits and Black Mamba based awesomeness. When they finalllyyyyyyy got off we minced over to Winjas to get the first cred of the trip!

45 minutes queue for each side. 'URGH', we exclaimed, darkly. We reluctantly joined the long queue which moved surprisingly quickly and before we knew it we were taking our seats on the weirdest rollercoaster I have ever had the fortune to add to my coaster count. I knew there was something about it because it's one of those rides people sort of whisper and giggle about when they know you're going to go on it but I'm glad most of it was kept a surprise, it really was hilarious. Needless to say I exited the ride with a huge grin on my face, very very impressed with my first coaster of the trip.

We then moved on to Temple of the NightHawk (no spite for us ner ner =p) and it was around this time that my time conscious jitters had settled and I began to take in the theming of the place. It's absolutely perfect in my opinion. It has this grotesque Disney feel about it, everything is of a Disney standard theming wise but with a darker undertone which really really appeals to someone like me. When I'm at a theme park I like to feel like I'm in another world and this is definitely the case with Phantasialand. Despite the fact that when you drive in or out of the park you realise how close the roads are to the fact, once you're inside the way the theming 'encloses' you within the park and the way the paths are a sort of valley through the park you really can't help but feel immersed. It's quite overwhelming and awesome, if not a little claustrophobic on days such as Friday when the park is heaving.

Anyway, we found our way onto the NightHawk with a pleasant 10-15 minute wait. I quite liked the ride because it was.....easy to ride? I don't know how to explain it, the thing doesn't exactly do much except meander on and on and on and yet it's all quite nice and enjoyable. I liked it anyway. It was also at this point we realised our goonbands glow in the dark, yay!

After this we met up with the group and after faffing with food and drinks for a bit decided to head over to the rapids. Again, this was a ride where I knew something unexpected and amazing was going to happen because of all the twitter surrounding it, but words cannot explain how fab and **** up this thing is. Such a laugh and watching people's faces as you go through the various elements is just brilliant. Considering the potential for being drowned we all managed to get off considerably dry, which is always a plus where I'm concerned.

I forgot to mention that some point between getting off of NightHawk and getting onto the rapids we were informed that the park would be closing at 8 instead of 6, meaning an extra two hours of play, which made it even less stressful and even more fun!

It was at this point that we joined the queue for Mystery Castle. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't really get along with drop towers, and so I was **** myself at the prospect of riding this thing. It is humungous, much larger than any photos of it will lead you to believe. I tried to put my fear to the back of my mind and enjoy the various Mysterious Sue interior decorating based banter, but it lingered at the back of my mind nevertheless. As we waited at the doors outside the station my heart was really pounding, the interior theming really does a good job of building up your nerves, especially for someone who is terrified to begin with. I came very near to blousing out but I forced myself into my seat and locked the restraint. And I am so glad that I did. For me, this was the best ride of the trip. I have never been so terrified, impressed and exhilarated all at one time in my entire life. The ride is literally like something out of a nightmare, completely incomprehensible and utterly terrifying. There are no words, really.

Once we got off of Mysterious Castle the group split as each of us had various creds to get and so I believe we headed over to Colorado Adventure aka The Michael Jackson Thrill Ride (what?). Again, the queue was a pleasant 10-15 minutes, constantly moving, which was misleading considering how much the queue was spilling out of the queue area. This mine train was a pretty damn awesome ride, it was fast and insane, the restraints meant that it felt like you were always about to slip out of your seat! The only let down for me was the lack of theming inside the tunnels, everything was so perfect outside that I don't see why it couldn't have been carried on inside, a la Big Thunder Mountain at the Disney parks.

Finally it was time to ride Black Mamba. The queue had more than halved from earlier in the day and I think we only ended up queueing around 25 minutes for it. The theming around the coaster itself is very impressive and the way it interacts with the landscape is really quite cool. I couldn't help but feel that some things were a bit pointless, like the animals carved into the rocks and things. When you're on the coaster you're going so fast that you miss everything, which is a shame really because it's good to see parks paying attention to detail like that. I loved the station, really well themed and eerie feeling. The green lighting and snakeskin on the walls accompanied with the music playing really helped build up a sense of fear and anticipation. Naturally we chose to ride closer to the back, which I feel was a good idea =D The lift-hill seemed to go on forever, which surprised me because it doesn't look that high off-ride.

I absolutely adored Black Mamba. It was fast, smooth, intense but not too much so and there were pleasant little pops of airtime. Nic was quite right that the last little bit feels like a suspended coaster the way the coaster slithers around and throughout the rockery. It doesn't let up but it isn't so fast and intense that it makes you feel sick and disorientated the way I find Nemesis sometimes does. It has replaced Nemesis as my number 2 coaster =]

By the time we got off of Mamba it was 7.20pm meaning we still had time to run over and nab our last cred of the way, Winjas Fear (I think, might be the other way around though haha). When we got over to the entrance there was a sign on the screen saying something about the queueing area now being closed and there was an attendant hovering around. He didn't appear to be enforcing what the sign said though so we ran straight through and were on the ride in around 5 minutes, yay! Because I sort of knew what to expect this time around this side wasn't as good as the first. I feel like the 'surprises' on the first side we rode were a lot more imaginative and cool. Despite this, this side was still a really fun little coaster and I wouldn't say no to a re-ride any day!

By now we had resigned ourselves to the idea that that would be the last ride of the day and began to make our way over to the exit. On our way over we noticed that the 'only underground ghost train in the world' was still open and so we ran through the queue onto it. It was a bit turd, not really scary or anything, more what the actual **** is going on here? I will point out though the fact that the ride was extremely well kept, everything was in full working order and I thought that was quite impressive, considering the scale of the theming and the age of the thing.

Sadly, the ghost train was our actual last ride of the day =[ I am definitely, definitely going back to Phantasialand. Yes, I got all of the creds but we missed so much of the other rides and I'd love to go back without the pressure and stress of having such a limited time at the park. It's the best non-Disney/Universal park I've been to and I'm very jealous of people who can get there much easily and cheaper than I can.

Oh yeah the later we went go-karting. I wasn't very good at it but it was fun nonetheless. And Sue got lost XD


CF Legend
Winjas Fear is much better than Force.
I REALLY want to go back to Phantasialand. It's such an amazing park. Luckily when we went the queues weren't that bad and Black Mamba was walk on most the morning so we got several rides (including front row) throughout the day.
Like you said though there's so much to do at the park and it's much larger than it first seems. Shame you didn't have time for Talocan as that's insanely amazing. Should have ignored the goons saying a 40 minute queue was 15 minutes and done it then. :p


CF Legend
Haha, cool trip report Jordan and Nic. I've spent the day so far uploading a POV and messing about with computer files so I haven't even edited anything yet let alone upload my pics and start the trip reportage oh and I'm uber proud of one of my pics, Nic might be able to guess what I'm on about :p

So, for now, seeing as it's taken up a stupid amount of hours to deal with (it does need some editing but I can't be arsed to deal with it any longer....



Strata Poster
^LESSTHANTHREE! I'm clearly more excited than scared there though. That's not how I remember it! lol!

Day 2: Toverland

We arrived shortly before opening. As promised, Slayed turned up sporting an orange T-Shirt in recognition of Queens Day (the rest of us forgot all about it!). So as not to feel left out, Ploddish joined in by digging the orange Hi-Vis jacket out of the car and wearing it for the entire day. Good work!


The first thing that struck me was actually on the roundabout outside the park. There was a Gaudí-esque sculpture in the middle of it. This was very much Vadge approved. I was very excited, then, to discover that there's hints of this theme throughout the park.




From outside, you get your first good look at the park's highlight, Troy (TROY!). It's so sexy!!!!


We were greeted by this abomination. I ran (hobbled) away as quickly as possible. All the mascots at the park are TERRIFYING!


As you enter, you're greeted by a massive shed full of fun stuff. All aimed at kids, granted, but we all know that CFers are just children, but taller! We started out playing on the bouncy-cone-slide-thing.




From here, I think we went on the first CRED. It's a big kiddie/small family coaster. An unremarkable +1 (to the point that I took no photos at all! haha)

We did the magic wand walkthrough thing. I'd love to see more of these around and about. It's like any other fairytale type walkthrough, but interactive. Basically, you have a magic wand that you wave at stuff, and it starts moving. Awesome.

I think we did the weird powered Bobsled thing next. It's odd, that's all there is to say.

You can't walk far in Toverland without finding some kind of obstacle/climbing frame/slide/other type of children's play area stuff to play on.



At some point around here we did the Booster Bike. It's a little bit on the rough side, but not bad (although bear in mind that it was the first ever one). There's some potential airtime, although I can't say as I really felt it very much. As per usual though, it makes for a fun family launched coaster.



After that, we had our first (of many!) ride of the day on Troy (TROY!).



I'd heard lots of enthusiasts talking before about how great it is, but I'm always a bit sceptical, especially where woodies are concerned.OMactualG! They weren't lying! It's **** EPIC! SO much fun! You get thrown about all over the place, but it's not at all painful. There's airtime by the bucketful. It made me giggle and squeal with delight all the way round (to the point that Sue was taking the piss out of me! lol). Seriously, I can't remember the last time I had that much unadulterated FUN on a coaster. [Jake]GCI can getinsideme![/Jake]


After that, we went and faffed for AAAAGES on all the outside play area stuff. There's lots of it. Its the kind of place that makes a CF-Live so special. Yes, we love riding coasters, but we realise there's more to life. Basically, we're a big bunch of childish twats... and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Maddie + AJ + terrified Dutch kids Vs. Stone Cold didn't end as badly as expected.




In fact, it ended much better than Will Vs. Stone Cold.



AJ was really helpful...


We found a Zip Wire...



...some spinny stuff...



...some bouncy stuff...


...and some more wet stuff!



We then went on the bizarre turntable-filled flog lume.





After lunch, we went outside and had ice cream. Mine said "licker" on the pot. They obviously saw me coming.


We had some more Troy (TROY!) goodness before doing the Pile O'Ship. Our -plans for a CF Takeover were spited at the last minute, so Slayed chickened out of doing the goon shout. Boo!

I found this... OMG! How awesome!


We went in the Fun House thingy next. Carnage ensued. Stone Cold got stuck in the rollers.


AJ fell on his head


Then we all piled on a turntable. Yes. Apologies to any members of the GP that were in there at the same time as us! lol!

More Vadge-Approved theming in the tunnel bit that links the two sheds





We all went on the dinghy slides


Then turned round and realised Maddie and AJ had disappeared. Where are they?



Clearly, some more of us had to join them! lol!

After this, we ventured back outside and about half of us braved the high ropes course. With stuff like this, my levels of bravado always outweigh my levels of actual bravery. It's the classic "how hard can it be?" syndrome. To be fair, I wasn't scared as such, I just found it really quite difficult. It's so much more physically demanding than it looks. Although, the gale-force winds while we were up there didn't help! Obviously, I didn't take any photos, but other people did, so you'll just have to wait for those to appear.

We then went for another go on Troy before a CF-takeover on the porn ponies <3. This was followed by more bouncy stuff and another go on the booster bike.



Then we headed back to Troy (TROY!) to finish off our day. I must've ridden it about 8 times altogether through the day. It's just that good. Seriously worth the epic journey just for that one ride. Obviously, if you can take a big group of CFers and also make the most of the epic play areas, then so much the better. Even if you can't, its still worth it. It's a lovely park. It's kind of like what The Milky Way would be if they had mega-bucks to spend and a lot more space. The love and friendliness is still there though.

In the evening, most of the group went to epic mini-golf. I chose to go into Eindhoven with the Welsh. On the way, the police had closed the road. They pulled us over, thrust a breathalyser in Slayed's face, then let us on our way. We then found that the roads were closed for a massive party for Queen's Day. We went for a walk into town to try and get food. The whole place was total utter carnage. The streets were knee-deep in litter, there were thousands of drunk people EVERYWHERE and everything was closed. Richard and co came to my rescue and took me to Burger King for dinner before we retreated back to the hotel.

Days 3 and 4 to follow...


From CoasterForce
Staff member
Social Media Team
Ok, I am truly 100% jealous. Gutted that I couldn't make it. I don't want to read any more reports because it'll make me cry.

But now I can see the photos ...

I LOVE AJ's Wills & Kate flag. That's awesome! Inspired! Always great to see the Union Flag flying, even if it around AJ and it's in jest. Brilliant!

Great group photo by the Trojan Horse. Love it!

And those playgrounds/water pulley things reminds me so much of Denmark.

Damn it.

Can't wait to read more and be gutted I couldn't make it.


Strata Poster
By the way, I'm that sad that I just typed this all out from a youtube video.

the TROY! lyrics in Dutch said:
wat wij, je laten zien
Is een verhaal, al eeuwen oud
Een gevecht, tussen twee volkeren
Onstaten, uit liefde en trots!

Voel die strijd en spanning
En beleef, dit avontuur opnieuw

TROY! (Troy!)
De sensatie
Beleef het ook, sluit aan en mis het niet
TROY! (Troy!)
Een creatie
Geloof je eigen ogen en geniet

Kom mee! En stap nu in
Deze wereld, is ook van jou
Vol kracht, snelheid en sensatie
Een reis, als nooit te voren

Ben je stoer en dapper
Pak je kans, en ga dan met me mee

TROY! (Troy!)
De sensatie
Beleef het ook, sluit aan en mis het niet
TROY! (Troy!)
Een creatie
Geloof je eigen ogen en geniet

Nu mag jij mijn wereld zien
Als een parel, uit hout en steen
Kun je sien hoe mooi he is, voor jou
Voor jou! Neem mijn hand
En deze wereld is voor jou!

TROY! (Troy!)
De sensatie
Beleef het ook, sluit aan en mis het niet
TROY! (Troy!)
Een creatie
Geloof je eigen ogen en geniet

TROY! (Troy!)
De sensatie
Beleef het ook, sluit aan en mis het niet
TROY! (Troy!)
Een creatie
Geloof je eigen ogen en geniet

TROY! (Troy!)
De sensatie
Beleef het ook, sluit aan en mis het niet
TROY! (Troy!)
Een creatie
Geloof je eigen ogen en geniet


google translate said:
What we show you
Is a story centuries old
A battle between two nations
Arises from love and pride!

Feel the tension and struggle
And live the adventure again

TROY! (Troy!)
The sensation
Experience it, consistent and do not miss it
TROY! (Troy!)
A creation
Believe your own eyes and enjoy

Come on! And now in step
This world is yours
Full of strength, speed and thrills
A journey like never before

Are you bold and brave
Grab your chance and go with me

TROY! (Troy!)
The sensation
Experience it, consistent and do not miss it
TROY! (Troy!)
A creation
Believe your own eyes and enjoy

Now you can see my world
The pearl, wood and stone
Orange you how beautiful he is, for you
For you! Take my hand
And this world is for you!

TROY! (Troy!)
The sensation
Experience it, consistent and do not miss it
TROY! (Troy!)
A creation
Believe your own eyes and enjoy

TROY! (Troy!)
The sensation
Experience it, consistent and do not miss it
TROY! (Troy!)
A creation
Believe your own eyes and enjoy

TROY! (Troy!)
The sensation
Experience it, consistent and do not miss it
TROY! (Troy!)
A creation
Believe your own eyes and enjoy



Strata Poster
What? If you look at the previous page, you'll see I'm the only person who's been arsed to actually write proper trip reports. Yes, with actual information and opinion in. Therefore, if I want to post crap in-jokes as well, I think I'm entitled. Anyway, that's not really an in-joke as such. It's something that interested me, so I though I'd share.

I'm going to continue with the proper PTRs tomorrow. I urge the other 12 people who went on this trip to do the same.


Staff member
Social Media Team
^Oh please, go mental with the in-jokes and I'm loving your love for Troy, but it was this I was rolling my eyes at:

By the way, I'm that sad that I just typed this all out from a youtube video.