Forget everything you thought you knew about Thorpe Park. The Swarm has landed…
Not gonna lie – once again, my expectations coming into the Live were low, even for me. A combination of factors had me expecting something on a par with the ill-fated Th13teen Live, albeit with a better (thus busier) coaster and ultimately **** weather. Which, as a great wizard once said, goes to show that even the best of us(!!!) must sometimes eat our words – not only was March 17th perhaps my best day at Thorpe in a good few years, but bad news – this warrants a trip report. It’s the first time I’ve metaphorically put pen to paper in the aftermath of a CF trip since Chessington last April (*sentimental sigh*) but also, after I put so much effort into
bitching and moaning about the park this time three years ago, I feel that judging from the beginning of the 2012 season, the newfound strengths of Thorpe Park deserve the highest praise – and we ALL know how much I loathe saying nice things!
So, according to my hand-scribbled notes from Saturday night, I’m currently sitting amidst the cat hairs on Neal’s sofa. The others are watching Titanic II which looks like ****, with all the production values of something Tommy Wiseaux would wash his hands of, whereas the memories of a fab day are still making me laugh considerably more than this woeful cinematic effort.
Yet, to refer to the start of the day as a bleak March morning would certainly go some distance towards being classed as an understatement. Thorpe’s typically uninspiring cloak of nimbostratus was in attendance long before even the earlybirds of the CF world, and what was now drizzle but appeared unlikely to remain as inoffensive had set in around the time Neal had awoken us for Formula 1. Not the most inspiring of starts, but for one thing – after 6 rides the previous day, I was already a huge fan of the awesome new steel structure that loomed at us from all angles as myself, Neal, Fraser and Richard made our way through the new island, and there could be no denying that these stunning visuals were enough to enliven even the dullest of Surrey mornings. The formalities of being reunited with and greeting friends who’d been absent from my life since October or even longer ago were thus interspersed with goony moments of staring open-mouthed at track – surely an unfamiliar sight at Thorpe Park.
At length, it was 10:40 (give or take) and the announcement of the day’s first ride brought joy, for it was indeed to be the aforementioned B&M delights! Entrance signs threatened us with 100 minutes or so ahead, which could have been much worse, and I strategically positioned myself around Neal, Sue, Karen, Katie and Phil in order to pass the time, with Joey, Scarlet and co. ahead in case of emergencies, and this appeared to pay off – each time I checked my watch, another 10 or 15 minutes seemed to have gone by, and all was well with the world until we neared the station – or at least, thought we have done. See, as most of you readers found out the hard way – there’s another rather sizeable cattlepen to negotiate on the other side of the track, and at this point, the ride proceeded to break down. This wasn’t exactly a fun time and patience was clearly running out in a few quarters of the line, but as Scarlet’s mentioned, we managed to keep each other sane, I had a nice catch-up with Joey. Also, Tarin remembered she’d brought me liquorice allsorts (which is to say, a relative had passed them on after Christmas, asking if she knew anyone who liked the marmite of the confectionery world. Turns out she knew just the man.) which Neal proceeded to commandeer. Anyway, this bit of the queue line WAS perhaps a bit dull, so reading/writing about it will probably be likewise – annoying as it might be, there was much joy when the ‘The Swarm is WORKING again, boys and girls’ announcement launched its assault on our eardrums and our movement towards the station could resume and 20 minutes later, me and Joey were in the second bay on the magical, magical right hand side of the station. There appeared to be some confusion with the pair in the front of us, leading to a staff member asking if we wanted front seats – needless to say, I nearly took the guy’s hand off – ‘Is the Pope a Catholic?!’. I’d hazard a guess that it was nearly 4 years since Joey had seen me enthuse so emphatically about a coaster, he certainly seemed confused – I was just glad that 145 minutes of queue line hadn’t dampened the enthusiasm, and the ride proceeded to proof precisely why – it was worth even the most frustrating of those minutes, and so my love affair with the wingwalker continued. I still like how I’m noticing new things each time I ride, and every ride seems to be that little bit different – it took me a few rides to appreciate the extent to which the track interacts with the unexpectedly great theming, and while I know the diehards will disagree with me, I think there’s a lot to be said for my not watching POVs and other spoilers before my first ride – first drop aside, I had no idea what to expect on Friday, and I’m told that made my reactions all the more entertaining – perhaps the fact that I really wasn’t expecting miracles has made it all the better! So anyway, I think you’ve gathered that I’m a huge fan of The Swarm, but there’ll be more on that later!
With Neal’s metaphorical swearbox of clichéd Swarm praise already filled to the point of overflowing, we left the
graceful B&M in all its
majesty to find surprisingly few CFers, despite being the last off. Apparently, it was lunch time. During The Swarm queue, I’d heard rumours that the coaster wasn’t the only exciting addition to the area, and indeed, whilst talk of pig-in-a-bun (that’s pork, not GAMMON, but I got one on Monday, so all is good) turned out to be an exaggeration, epic carvery sandwiches really WERE available, and since 4 of us were available, Sue managed to make them a meagre £3 each (that’s less than a 12 inch Subway, kids)! ‘Woah, woah, woah – let me get this straight,’ I proclaimed, as only I can, ‘We’ve got Swarm’s first drop, Swarm’s main helix, Swarm’s second inversion, affordable carvery sandwiches with
chilli jam – WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH Thorpe Park!?!?’ To compound the amusement, Tina, who was telling us her life story in coaster format at the time, pointed out a member of Thorpe’s management standing behind me as this rare positive rant happened, so I hope he took the praise as it was intended! After the sandwich based joys, me and Neal had to take a trip to the car (which was tricky, as it turns out a LOT of people with pretty blue Clios come to Thorpe) and Sue and Ginger Matt came along for the ride for some reason. Only Neal really seemed to understand why – something to do with drink bottles and warmer clothes. It wasn’t very exciting, and neither was the toilet visit that followed, though I believe Sue has some fantasy-shattering photographic evidence to the contrary! There was still some time to kill before the meet and Matt hadn’t been to Thorpe in years, so we went for a wander to show him the sights before making our way to Stealth.
I really hate to say it, but Stealth was shut when we arrived. I guess you can’t win ‘em all. Some promotional event to do with the Hunger Games was apparently taking place outside the entrance involving shouty people in military costume and a silent circle pit – I wasn’t paying much attention, but I’m sure somebody here understood it? Igniting a cigarette I wasn’t really anywhere near stressed enough to need, I grabbed some people I like and occupied a wall while we waited for Stealth to sort its life out, which didn’t take long at all. As a result, we were… somewhere near pole position when it did, only waiting 10 or 15 minutes for the launch. Before the queue, Mark, Karen, Phil, Tarin and a few others had been engaged in musical debate (and by the way, Supernatural just appeared on shuffle – kept myself sane doing a rather camp rendition of it in a LONG queue on the M42 yesterday! …and you still need to give Imaginaerum a go, it’s PURE GhosterForce) and thus the time was passed continuing in this vein by way of nicotine addictions, the Daily Mail (‘I don’t NEED any more bloody RAGE in my life, I’ve got YOU, Neal and Richard!!) and, perhaps more disturbingly, the pros and cons of the post-coital cuddle.
In the station, I was cruelly spited by Furie
P) and thus ended up riding with Tarin, who, it transpires, doesn’t like Stealth very much either, and if coasters had human emotions, then I reckon Stealth would have been in a rather petulant mood on Saturday, with everyone’s attention focused squarely on the superior, smooth, imaginative new kid on the block. Either way, it was definitely kicking and even riding near the front, a few of us left the ride with headaches or similar.
Next on the agenda was another coaster which was seriously suffering beneath the shadow of its B&M teammate, and Nemesis Inferno was not in possession of the most amusing queue of the day – at least until myself, Sue, John and… anyone else who was there, were separated from the main group by a member of staff, claiming they were meant to put the chain across ages ago! I hadn’t actually noticed until Richard & Neal began a formidable combined vocal onslaught, giving me an opportunity to banter with the man with the chain – advising him to keep pictures of various CF members at the park entrance, ensuring they weren’t let into the park in future. Sensing that I had a point and that defeat was now a certainy, Mr. Manwithachain (who’s real name I intended to make a note of, but alas he’s now destined to join the ranks of Thorpe’s unsung heroes – Jenny from Swarm is clearly the true star of the few days!) allowed us through to join the rest of the group. Heh-heh-heh. ANYWAY, on Friday, Inferno had given me one of its few dull rides, feeling really lacklustre and oddly confined compared with SWARM, but despite our mid-train location, those 24 hours had clearly proved all important in giving the ride chance to wake up, and as whoever I was with agreed (despite our mock arguments in the station, I forget who that
was), and it was good. Also notable was the fact that Detonator appeared to have packed up – that’s another ride that, reliability aside, is having a brilliant start to the 2012 season, affording far better views this year, airtime by the **** bucket load and causing hilarity by refusing to let Nic out of the restraint afterwards!
And so, the group reunited and wandered in the direction of Slammer (I spent the day calling all the rides, especially those beginning with S by the wrong names, and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one) and alas, it was at this point that the weather would once again make its presence felt. Not many of us seemed to want to ride Slammer for reasons that would become apparent even more quickly than usual, indeed the ambiguous toilets proved more popular. The wait wasn’t a bad one though – Sue, who it transpired had, unbeknownst to her, ended up with a sizeable rock in her bag (coincidentally, after the ride, I’d find an empty packet of smoky bacon crisps in mine(?) and this wasn’t the only salty snack packaging that would make an unscheduled appearance at some point during the day) was up to her usual tricks – being overly friendly and talking to new people. But this pair, one named Dan and the other, whose hoodie, helpfully for those of us with next to no short term memory, identified him as Jordan, were amusing – turned out they’d signed up after being stuck behind us in a queue amidst the brilliance that was last October, and one phrase stood out particularly vividly in their memories: ‘SHE’S A WITCH!’ And so, the queue progressed, steered left by me in order to avoid a group of careless girls equipped with overly full… drinks bottles, the weather took another turn for the worse, causing the girl on the announcer to warn us ‘The weather is getting more rainier which might make your ride on Slammer more uncomfortable than usual *pause* but also more funner!’ This was more than I could handle, and she was duly reprimanded, but appeared suitably apologetic.
Seemingly at great length, our harnesses were locked and, you guessed it, at this point, the heavens opened in a BIG way, continuing for the duration of a ‘fray with Slammer’ that I classed as my most uncomfortable experience since spending a few days in the Arctic circle at the beginning of the year – anyone who remembers bloody Vertigo at Tivoli Gardens can get the general idea (‘I need a new hobby! I’m thinking… scuba diving might be warmer and drier than this!’) Having said that though, besides swearing and dripping (both of which we did a LOT of!), once locked in and subjected to repeated rotation, there was very little to do but laugh, and see the funny side the hardy nine of us most certainly did, even if one newcomer was sincerely regretting his vow to always wear summery shorts to Thorpe Park, while for my part, I was wishing I’d remembered to change out of my plimsolls in the car!
All the same, the argument that Slammer and CF-Lives are simply never to be mixed had only gained further weight and upon exiting the ride an additional two layers of clothing needed to be added to my person. Rapidly. The rain was perhaps my fault for commenting on how brilliant Swarm looked beneath menacing black clouds (there’s a silver lining if ever there was one!), and of course, the instant we left the ride, it would duly become lots less bad. Saw or Colossus was the decision that now faced us, and based on a horrific back row experience of the latter on Friday afternoon, I feel we sided correctly, though again, owing no doubt to the weather, our numbers were noticeably depleted, but those who DID ride could provide more than enough volume to make up for them during our drizzle-soaked 45 minute wait. Annoyingly, the cold I’d been battling with since Wednesday decided to re-emerge, thanks largely to Slammer, I suspect, but I’ll take this moment to thank Neal’s Mum for offering me Benylin in the morning, as well as the miracles of red bull and cherry lucozade, which kept me from crashing until we’d reached the safety of the Toby Carvery in the evening. Much of the queue was again devoted to winding up the newcomers, who’d yet to face Richard – Stone in turn seemed torn between horror and delight upon finding their origins lay in Cherry Hinton (Cambridgeshire) and the consequent mocking spawned a debate that provided the few non-umbrella based memorable moments of the line. Once again, the station was eventually reached, sparking the strange quote ‘There was a car! I wanted that car, but now it is gone and I am sad
’ from Richard. We sat at the front, and whilst Saw (for various complicated reasons, my first coaster of 2012, and a ride I consequently REALLY enjoyed) was undeniably brutal, but also bizarrely enjoyable, particularly the indoor drop and latter sections, continuing Thorpe’s trend of making basically NO sense in March of 2012.
Once again, there was nobody waiting for us upon exiting the ride, so, in a strange turn of events, I insisted that Sue walked to the toilets and back with me just to make sure I didn’t get left on my own – sure enough, everyone we’d left at Saw had also buggered off when we returned, but happily Tarin and brother with equally silly name appeared and knew the plan for meeting up ahead of the anxiously anticipated ERT even if we didn’t! So, taking the route past the fulltime scare maze which makes as little sense as it ever did, we walked towards Swarm, stopping when I spotted a group at the sandwich shop, including Mark who was exulting the delights of the meat and the eye-wateringly good mustard much as I’d done earlier. Mounting excitement, faff and a few trips to the souvenier shop from which I just
had to get something (though I’m still baffled by my fancy new lighter, if AJ or others had any more success?) Just when I thought it couldn’t get much better, I realised what time it was and clicked that we’d be experiencing Swarm IN THE DARK – as everyone slowly congregated in the area, they were clearly in agreement that this was going to be something VERY special!
What followed did not disappoint – around 6:35, the crowd of us, plus some strangers who I’m told were SouthParks members (as Furie agreed, it’s always amusing to note how other forums have their equivalents of our members, and I spent a few daft minutes deciding who would have been whom) barrelled into the queue line. Making up for his early desertion at Stealth, Phil’s first ride was with me whether he liked it or not – we softened the blow by taking the back row on the left, and it was clear that his enthusiasm was equal to mine – I just can’t stress enough what a spectacular goal Thorpe Park have scored for themselves, Merlin and enthusiasts everywhere with this addition, and if this is the shape of things to come it’s a REAL turning point for the park. Next, I moved over to my preferred right hand side (it’s ever so slightly smoother, and I much prefer the experience of entering the first element from the far side) – in fact, perhaps the only downside of my second favourite seat was the interactions with the water features. I’m quite lazy, and as I said, ‘why have cotton when you can have silk?’ so as it turned out nobody else wanted it, I stayed in this seat for 4 consecutive laps, much to the amusement of ride staff – I was joined by Tarin for 2 or 3 of these, giving a non-enthusiast perspective on the joy that was occurring. “This is how it works – if I LIKE something, I like it a lot. If I DON’T like it, then it’s probably better off emigrating!” “Shut up, Will…” – perhaps a roundabout way of explaining that I’m not really given to praise, but when it’s offered, you KNOW something’s gone well! Anyway, rapidly running out of superlatives, I remained bewildered by the fact that the ride just seemed to get better every time despite the potential handicap of its location! Smooth, exciting and not excessively intense, it’s perhaps the perfect coaster for an ERT session as it took a good few consecutive rides before my stomach and head started to say ‘enough!’
Last Ride of the Day is a Nightwish song, and due to a bit of a maths fail on my part, mine ended up being alone on the 2nd row on the left (seriously, why do I even know that – I swear I’m never normally THIS goony!) but still grinning from ear to ear looking at my new 2nd favourite UK coaster in a way that I’d not looked at any ride that wasn’t Nemesis since 2009 – since which time I’ve not had a maiden ride on anything with an element coming close to rivalling Katun – but Swarm’s first drop severely complicates that issue!
Amidst the scattered but nevertheless noisy applause of a group of VERY satisfied coaster enthusiasts, an ERT session that had come close to perfection drew to a close – undeniably my favourite since the Denmark holiday, if not before! Unrecognisably happy, still rhapsodising (clearly the word of the day!) over the first drop, and still a little shocked and stunned by just how good the day had actually been, that same group of enthusiasts left the park in high spirits around 7:15.
I think I speak for the whole bloody lot of us when I say ‘SWARM <3’; and thus ends my tale, and even though I’ve just bored you all senseless, I genuinely hope this isn’t the last of these rave reviews I feel the urge to throw together in what’s now seeming like an altogether more promising 2012 season than I’d thought prior to the weekend!
So it just leaves me to say a huge thank you to everyone and anyone at Thorpe Park who’s been involved in however small a way not only in creating the UK’s second best coaster, but in turning Thorpe into the park we experienced on Saturday, rather than the hassle many of us remember from seasons gone by (If you needed proof – I’ve already visited as much in 2012 as I did in 2011), and of course, a huge, huge thank you for the ERT – it may well have made my year! And it wasn’t just Thorpe, I haven’t got enough time or paper to say a full thank you to a lot of the people I spent the day with, but Mr. Bell stands out in particular for organising the day, the ERT and for brilliantly continuing the often thankless task of looking after his CFers, some, like myself, occasionally inclined to be ungrateful twats. But on March 17th, 2012, there was a brilliant coaster and awesome company - what more can a Will ask for, really?
Marvellous.
