Just back from a two day trip at ‘The Towers’. The thread title reflects the aftermath, as I’m currently lying on my bed in a sad, fat man carb-coma from abusing the freestyle machines, hogs roasts and churros. But, aside from my gastronomic regret, I had a rather swell time.
As has been a long established tradition (based on my one other trip report thread), I shall start with my accommodation - the Whiston Hotel. This soulless golf-course offering is merely ten minutes (and ten thousand pot-holes) away from the main gates of the destination, which felt worth a punt at £109 a night for a room with a king sized bed. Overall, it was OK. The staff was friendly and the cooked breakfast/coffee was above average. Balancing this out, the room was retro and the bed would have made Fred Flintstone blush. Most notably, privacy is not really a thing at the Whiston. You want a shower, but don't want people from the adjacent building to see? Well, "**** that!", exclaims the Whiston - "no Velux blind for you, Sir!" Fortunately, I was able to summon my inner Bear Grylls and delicately balance my hoodie over the offending window.
Matters became more alarming in the morning as, after a night of intense passion with my wife, I was somewhat mortified to realise that I could hear my neighbours talking rather clearly in the neighbouring room. They could have totted-up our scrabble scores in real time!! *blush*
Day One at the towers was a late afternoon / evening affair. I have never been to Alton Towers at night. The spooky vibe with the beautiful autumn colours was really, really good. Lovely, even. I can say straight up that I do hope to attend this event next year. I was not particularly interested in hooning the rides and it was more of a jolly jaunt, so we went straight into the aquarium so I could show-off my elasmobranch knowledge, followed by a solid mine train. The latter was advertised as a 25 minute wait, but really it was more like 10, if that. From my limited experiences over the two days, I think they tended to overestimate the queue times.
As short as the queue was, it did flag the problem I would have to overcome on this trip, which was the presence of idiots. The sheer abundance of morons perpetually flouting the very limited and unimposing social distancing rules was staggering. The worst rage-inducing culprit must be the mask over the mouth but not the nose. It does make me question how these people are able to walk through open doors on a daily basis without missing the doorway(s) and ploughing into the adjacent wall(s) with injury-inducing force.
Next up was Duel. Oooo new music? Well, to my ears, yes it was new music, which was really good. They had updated the queue with some CGI moving pictures that were quite fun... although the video in the doll house was nowhere to be seen.... maybe they removed that ages ago? The rest of the ride was a bit patchy. A couple of sections had no lights, no targets... nothing? The spinning tunnel thing wasn't working. Wife came off it a bit miffed, but I absolutely SMASHED her score which from my perspective was all that mattered.
Up to Nemesis. Ooo I do love me a Nemmy. I was giving it the full "duuuuuh, duuuuuuuh, duuuuuuuuuuuuuu nuh nuh nuhhhHHHHHhhhH" as we approached, much to my wife's disapproval, which only encouraged me. Excitingly, the queue line was open pretty much all the way, right up back and behind the lift hill. Wow! Never before have I had those views. It was very exciting. Dusk was now approaching as we boarded and the ride looked absolutely fantastic. It rode fantastically too, cementing itself as the number one ride at the park. But, turns out it was not the best 'single ride' of the visit...... *dum dum dummmm - suspense*
Back down the Haunted Hollow walk to Wicker Man, which had a 70 minute queue. For peasants, anyway. I whipped out my fast pass and laughed loudly at the enclosed pen of sad, teary-eyed children, walking straight onto the front row.
Just to make it really obvious, I am of course making light of the perceived villainy of using fast passes. On one hand, the system must be a major irritation for people that cannot afford them and it would obviously be far fairer for everyone if the system didn't exist (especially as it obviously punishes those with children more than those simply paying their own way for themselves alone). So I do always feel a bit of a dick for doing it. But, nevertheless, I am really surprised how few people seemed to be willing to pay for them? I think it was only the two of us who used it when we were on the ride. The way I see it, unless you cannot afford it, it is often an entirely sensible thing to do if you value your free time as a financial commodity. For example, let's say it took me 10 minutes to get on Wicker Man and took 70 minutes in the standard queue as advertised. Not only am I avoiding a whole hour of queuing by paying £10 for the fast pass, I'm also gaining an additional hour in the park to do whatever else I want to do. So I crudely equate the £10 spent as saving me 2 hours of time (£5 a hour). Queuing to save £5 an hour is substantially worse than working minimum wage, so to me getting a fast pass in such circumstances an absolute no brainer decision. What the acceptable threshold of value is will understandably differ from person to person. Again, nevertheless, I am surprised that clearly I'm in the vast minority of people that see the fast pass as offering value. Ultimately, I see the convenience as grossly outweighing the moral high ground of opting for the standard queue on the basis of 'good park-goer principles', but I accept there will be a wide range of opinions on this and most of those opinions will be reasonably held. I'm interested to see what others think of this on this subject.
The ride itself was dandy. A front row night ride! Being objective, it was certainly rather rough and jolty for how forceful (forceless?) and speedy (speedless?) it was but I didn't really care. It was big smiles all round in row one.
Next, over to the Smiler, where there was a 60 minute queue... which I avoided with another fast pass. I was really looking forward to this. Yeah.... it wasn't great. Way too rough. I found myself perpetually embracing for the inversions to the extent that it seemed a bit of an endurance. I also thought it was, from memory, a better ride in the day where you can be mesmerised by the dueling aspect and the maze of track. This is going down in my rankings.
Next, Oblivion. Yup, it's Oblivion - not much to say. I love the music although this time it really reminded me of the era in which Oblivion came out in - that late 90s, chav British drum and bass that went away and eventually got replaced in pop-culture with 'grime'. For an example of a good song from this genre (seriously!), check out Move Your Body by Mark Ryder and MC Vapour, awww yeah what a classic!! ?
We finished off our evening with a wonderful walk through the lit up gardens, which is absolutely worth your time and was probably the highlight of our day once we got some free space. We did have to make our way passed a couple of teenage selfie-squads that were taking inconsiderate liberties with the walkways, but once passed them and the slightly obnoxious sound effects in the orangery area, it was great. We took our time and enjoyed the sights.
Day 2 to follow (including my thoughts on the scare mazes).
As has been a long established tradition (based on my one other trip report thread), I shall start with my accommodation - the Whiston Hotel. This soulless golf-course offering is merely ten minutes (and ten thousand pot-holes) away from the main gates of the destination, which felt worth a punt at £109 a night for a room with a king sized bed. Overall, it was OK. The staff was friendly and the cooked breakfast/coffee was above average. Balancing this out, the room was retro and the bed would have made Fred Flintstone blush. Most notably, privacy is not really a thing at the Whiston. You want a shower, but don't want people from the adjacent building to see? Well, "**** that!", exclaims the Whiston - "no Velux blind for you, Sir!" Fortunately, I was able to summon my inner Bear Grylls and delicately balance my hoodie over the offending window.
Matters became more alarming in the morning as, after a night of intense passion with my wife, I was somewhat mortified to realise that I could hear my neighbours talking rather clearly in the neighbouring room. They could have totted-up our scrabble scores in real time!! *blush*
Day One at the towers was a late afternoon / evening affair. I have never been to Alton Towers at night. The spooky vibe with the beautiful autumn colours was really, really good. Lovely, even. I can say straight up that I do hope to attend this event next year. I was not particularly interested in hooning the rides and it was more of a jolly jaunt, so we went straight into the aquarium so I could show-off my elasmobranch knowledge, followed by a solid mine train. The latter was advertised as a 25 minute wait, but really it was more like 10, if that. From my limited experiences over the two days, I think they tended to overestimate the queue times.
As short as the queue was, it did flag the problem I would have to overcome on this trip, which was the presence of idiots. The sheer abundance of morons perpetually flouting the very limited and unimposing social distancing rules was staggering. The worst rage-inducing culprit must be the mask over the mouth but not the nose. It does make me question how these people are able to walk through open doors on a daily basis without missing the doorway(s) and ploughing into the adjacent wall(s) with injury-inducing force.
Next up was Duel. Oooo new music? Well, to my ears, yes it was new music, which was really good. They had updated the queue with some CGI moving pictures that were quite fun... although the video in the doll house was nowhere to be seen.... maybe they removed that ages ago? The rest of the ride was a bit patchy. A couple of sections had no lights, no targets... nothing? The spinning tunnel thing wasn't working. Wife came off it a bit miffed, but I absolutely SMASHED her score which from my perspective was all that mattered.
Up to Nemesis. Ooo I do love me a Nemmy. I was giving it the full "duuuuuh, duuuuuuuh, duuuuuuuuuuuuuu nuh nuh nuhhhHHHHHhhhH" as we approached, much to my wife's disapproval, which only encouraged me. Excitingly, the queue line was open pretty much all the way, right up back and behind the lift hill. Wow! Never before have I had those views. It was very exciting. Dusk was now approaching as we boarded and the ride looked absolutely fantastic. It rode fantastically too, cementing itself as the number one ride at the park. But, turns out it was not the best 'single ride' of the visit...... *dum dum dummmm - suspense*
Back down the Haunted Hollow walk to Wicker Man, which had a 70 minute queue. For peasants, anyway. I whipped out my fast pass and laughed loudly at the enclosed pen of sad, teary-eyed children, walking straight onto the front row.
Just to make it really obvious, I am of course making light of the perceived villainy of using fast passes. On one hand, the system must be a major irritation for people that cannot afford them and it would obviously be far fairer for everyone if the system didn't exist (especially as it obviously punishes those with children more than those simply paying their own way for themselves alone). So I do always feel a bit of a dick for doing it. But, nevertheless, I am really surprised how few people seemed to be willing to pay for them? I think it was only the two of us who used it when we were on the ride. The way I see it, unless you cannot afford it, it is often an entirely sensible thing to do if you value your free time as a financial commodity. For example, let's say it took me 10 minutes to get on Wicker Man and took 70 minutes in the standard queue as advertised. Not only am I avoiding a whole hour of queuing by paying £10 for the fast pass, I'm also gaining an additional hour in the park to do whatever else I want to do. So I crudely equate the £10 spent as saving me 2 hours of time (£5 a hour). Queuing to save £5 an hour is substantially worse than working minimum wage, so to me getting a fast pass in such circumstances an absolute no brainer decision. What the acceptable threshold of value is will understandably differ from person to person. Again, nevertheless, I am surprised that clearly I'm in the vast minority of people that see the fast pass as offering value. Ultimately, I see the convenience as grossly outweighing the moral high ground of opting for the standard queue on the basis of 'good park-goer principles', but I accept there will be a wide range of opinions on this and most of those opinions will be reasonably held. I'm interested to see what others think of this on this subject.
The ride itself was dandy. A front row night ride! Being objective, it was certainly rather rough and jolty for how forceful (forceless?) and speedy (speedless?) it was but I didn't really care. It was big smiles all round in row one.
Next, over to the Smiler, where there was a 60 minute queue... which I avoided with another fast pass. I was really looking forward to this. Yeah.... it wasn't great. Way too rough. I found myself perpetually embracing for the inversions to the extent that it seemed a bit of an endurance. I also thought it was, from memory, a better ride in the day where you can be mesmerised by the dueling aspect and the maze of track. This is going down in my rankings.
Next, Oblivion. Yup, it's Oblivion - not much to say. I love the music although this time it really reminded me of the era in which Oblivion came out in - that late 90s, chav British drum and bass that went away and eventually got replaced in pop-culture with 'grime'. For an example of a good song from this genre (seriously!), check out Move Your Body by Mark Ryder and MC Vapour, awww yeah what a classic!! ?
We finished off our evening with a wonderful walk through the lit up gardens, which is absolutely worth your time and was probably the highlight of our day once we got some free space. We did have to make our way passed a couple of teenage selfie-squads that were taking inconsiderate liberties with the walkways, but once passed them and the slightly obnoxious sound effects in the orangery area, it was great. We took our time and enjoyed the sights.
Day 2 to follow (including my thoughts on the scare mazes).
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as that’s the official closing time for scarefest.
