Rob Coasters
Rob Poster
So I promised a Liseberg review.
Whoops.
Not big on Helix anymore, I prefer Balder now by a significant margin, Flumeride is still the best thing there however, and Lisebergbanan needs to stay with us forever.
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Heisa Tour started with an early morning flight to Lubeck, perhaps one of the smallest airports I have ever been to - so small in fact that we were essentially told to leave the airport immediately after we had landed as they wanted to close up; they didn't have any new arrivals for the next hour and a half or maybe longer.
The airport express train ran to the city centre maybe once every hour, so maybe that's why they wanted us to leave so soon, but sooner rather than later we were on our way to an even smaller town called Sierksdorf, a sleepy place on the coast that just so happened to have one of Europe's tallest roller coasters.
Our first ride of today was #420 Royal Scotsman, a fairly standard junior coaster that starts off like most of the others, but upon riding this I immediately knew this park was oh so different from anywhere else I'd ever been. It appeared that this ride was programmed to pseudo-duel with Nessie, the looping coaster, during a moment where both rides intertwine perfectly with each other. This was an absolutely phenomenal moment of interaction that simply stomps on every other ride that tries to do anything similar.
As for #421 Nessie, in the back row this provides some shocking moments of ejector airtime which was way before its time and almost certainly unintentional. Also featuring what could perhaps be the world's loudest brake run, it ends a little sooner than anticipated but again, that interaction with Royal Scotsman left me speechless on my first time around.
Although the next ride we took on was where my main issue with Hansa Park lies (oh, I never told you the name of this park until now), mandatory removals of glasses with straps. Despite my protests with me tugging my strap when boarding #422 Flucht von Novgorod, the operator stood his ground and requested their removal, to which I begrudgingly agreed.
Unfortunately I need my glasses. For pretty much everything. These prescription spectacles are here so I can see literally anything, and if it wasn't for them, I would be literally useless. They're incredibly strong to the point where anyone who tries them on immediately asks what the hell is wrong with me, so that makes forced removal of glasses all the more frustrating.
Anyway, this is a spectacularly themed launch coaster. You start off with a beautiful station into a fantastic preshow with a catchy and haunting theme as some knight dude dies and starts singing in opera to you, something that I have literally never forgotten ever, and suddenly you're shoved through darkness into a violent turn to the left into one of the most powerful airtime hills I've experienced on a ride of this type - it is ridiculous.
The rest of this section isn't too noteworthy, a long turnaround follows into a heartline roll before an indoor vertical lift before a beyond vertical drop in pitch black darkness. You progress through a few more turns before a jumpscare from a humanoid crow type thing that leads you into the brakes.
The exit part is of note too, leading you through a fun slide and even a MAZE which you have the option to traverse through and get very lost in.
Flucht von Novgorod makes a worthy addition to my list of favourite roller coasters, but please, let me wear my glasses.
Hansa Park's elephant in the room is #423 Schwur des Kärnan, which perhaps wins the award for the most visually intimidating roller coaster in the world. Featuring a 250ft enclosed vertical lift in a supersized recreation of the Kärnan tower in Helsingborg, Sweden, it's responsible for one of the most crucial unspoken rules amongst coaster enthusiasts - you do NOT publicly talk about what happens in that tower. If there is any chance that someone is in the room who hasn't ridden this coaster, you preface whatever you're about to say with "major spoilers ahead", and even then, it's generally known as "the surprise" - something that no other roller coaster in the world does. No coaster before it, no coaster after it, this is the only one to do it.
Irritatingly however, this is another ride in the park that forced me to take off my glasses, which was baffling, although the operator here did have the dignity to shower me with apologies while I increasingly reluctantly took them off. This ride also has assigned seating, although it's done differently to others.
While I won't discuss the spoiler in here, even knowing about it beforehand and being extremely aware of the entire process of it, experiencing it firsthand was still incredibly thrilling and a masterclass in engineering, something that I thoroughly loved every single time. Others wish that it was turned off after around 2pm or something as it's a big factor in why the queue for this moves so slowly, but for me it's a major player in why I rode this so much in the first place.
After that, you crest the lift for the twisted vertical drop through the tower which is absolutely terrifying to the highest degree, into that signature double-loop element which I honestly thought... was a huge waste of money and time. It's slow, uneventful, and most of all, really, really, really shaky. Being sat on an edge seat, it became obvious to why this manufacturer never went taller, because these trains were not good at traversing the track at all.
After that huge nothing burger of an element hundreds of feet in the air, the ride turns into a speed demon for the rest of it, this too I failed to enjoy as much as I really could have. The continuous jolts steadily reduced my liking of the ride, and a lot of elements felt oddly spaced out from each other like they were randomly plopped down and then they all had to somehow be connected to each other. Hit the brakes, let down, and then one final surprise that felt too shoehorned in to really leave a lasting impact.
Immediately I proclaimed Novgorod's far superiority, and I stood by that for the entire remainder of my visit. I rode Schwur des Kärnan twice as much however, in constant hope of being assigned front row, but I either got rows two or three, and then I had to ride it after that as well. Because I know the ride can be better than it is, but ultimately it fell flat and is overall quite uncomfortable, it went a little too big and the trains aren't quite able to handle that speed and height for that long.
I will say however, this is one of the most intense and relentless roller coasters I have ridden in a VERY long time, getting unbelievably close to saying "that was almost too much".
Now if only I had my glasses, or got the row I wanted.
The rest of the coasters were all unremarkable family rides - #424 Crazy Mine was your standard wild mouse, #425 Schlange von Midgard was a clever usage of two laps, and #426 Kleine Zar is themed to being built of wood.
The third and final ride to ban glasses with straps was Highlander, their almost-400ft drop tower with onboard audio and an Apocalypse-like tilt downwards before the final drop. It was utterly horrifying, but for a change, I finally found another drop tower that I didn't think was "just alright". It was powerful and really good. But I couldn't wear my glasses.
The rest of the day consisted of rerides on Nessie and the two heavy hitters, and multiple laps of Schwur des Kärnan in hopes of any front row ride. But that ended in woe.
Yes. I will forever be INCREDIBLY annoying about me wanting to wear my glasses on rides, and yes I will forever be INCREDIBLY annoying about wanting the option for front row. I am reduced to uselessness without them and it does affect the ride for me in a negative way.
I would still like to return to Hansa Park, their new roller coaster opening next year looks promisingly great, and I am begging for that front row ride, but, you know.
Whoops.
Not big on Helix anymore, I prefer Balder now by a significant margin, Flumeride is still the best thing there however, and Lisebergbanan needs to stay with us forever.
-------------------------------------------------
Heisa Tour started with an early morning flight to Lubeck, perhaps one of the smallest airports I have ever been to - so small in fact that we were essentially told to leave the airport immediately after we had landed as they wanted to close up; they didn't have any new arrivals for the next hour and a half or maybe longer.
The airport express train ran to the city centre maybe once every hour, so maybe that's why they wanted us to leave so soon, but sooner rather than later we were on our way to an even smaller town called Sierksdorf, a sleepy place on the coast that just so happened to have one of Europe's tallest roller coasters.
Our first ride of today was #420 Royal Scotsman, a fairly standard junior coaster that starts off like most of the others, but upon riding this I immediately knew this park was oh so different from anywhere else I'd ever been. It appeared that this ride was programmed to pseudo-duel with Nessie, the looping coaster, during a moment where both rides intertwine perfectly with each other. This was an absolutely phenomenal moment of interaction that simply stomps on every other ride that tries to do anything similar.
As for #421 Nessie, in the back row this provides some shocking moments of ejector airtime which was way before its time and almost certainly unintentional. Also featuring what could perhaps be the world's loudest brake run, it ends a little sooner than anticipated but again, that interaction with Royal Scotsman left me speechless on my first time around.
Although the next ride we took on was where my main issue with Hansa Park lies (oh, I never told you the name of this park until now), mandatory removals of glasses with straps. Despite my protests with me tugging my strap when boarding #422 Flucht von Novgorod, the operator stood his ground and requested their removal, to which I begrudgingly agreed.
Unfortunately I need my glasses. For pretty much everything. These prescription spectacles are here so I can see literally anything, and if it wasn't for them, I would be literally useless. They're incredibly strong to the point where anyone who tries them on immediately asks what the hell is wrong with me, so that makes forced removal of glasses all the more frustrating.
Anyway, this is a spectacularly themed launch coaster. You start off with a beautiful station into a fantastic preshow with a catchy and haunting theme as some knight dude dies and starts singing in opera to you, something that I have literally never forgotten ever, and suddenly you're shoved through darkness into a violent turn to the left into one of the most powerful airtime hills I've experienced on a ride of this type - it is ridiculous.
The rest of this section isn't too noteworthy, a long turnaround follows into a heartline roll before an indoor vertical lift before a beyond vertical drop in pitch black darkness. You progress through a few more turns before a jumpscare from a humanoid crow type thing that leads you into the brakes.
The exit part is of note too, leading you through a fun slide and even a MAZE which you have the option to traverse through and get very lost in.
Flucht von Novgorod makes a worthy addition to my list of favourite roller coasters, but please, let me wear my glasses.
Hansa Park's elephant in the room is #423 Schwur des Kärnan, which perhaps wins the award for the most visually intimidating roller coaster in the world. Featuring a 250ft enclosed vertical lift in a supersized recreation of the Kärnan tower in Helsingborg, Sweden, it's responsible for one of the most crucial unspoken rules amongst coaster enthusiasts - you do NOT publicly talk about what happens in that tower. If there is any chance that someone is in the room who hasn't ridden this coaster, you preface whatever you're about to say with "major spoilers ahead", and even then, it's generally known as "the surprise" - something that no other roller coaster in the world does. No coaster before it, no coaster after it, this is the only one to do it.
Irritatingly however, this is another ride in the park that forced me to take off my glasses, which was baffling, although the operator here did have the dignity to shower me with apologies while I increasingly reluctantly took them off. This ride also has assigned seating, although it's done differently to others.
While I won't discuss the spoiler in here, even knowing about it beforehand and being extremely aware of the entire process of it, experiencing it firsthand was still incredibly thrilling and a masterclass in engineering, something that I thoroughly loved every single time. Others wish that it was turned off after around 2pm or something as it's a big factor in why the queue for this moves so slowly, but for me it's a major player in why I rode this so much in the first place.
After that, you crest the lift for the twisted vertical drop through the tower which is absolutely terrifying to the highest degree, into that signature double-loop element which I honestly thought... was a huge waste of money and time. It's slow, uneventful, and most of all, really, really, really shaky. Being sat on an edge seat, it became obvious to why this manufacturer never went taller, because these trains were not good at traversing the track at all.
After that huge nothing burger of an element hundreds of feet in the air, the ride turns into a speed demon for the rest of it, this too I failed to enjoy as much as I really could have. The continuous jolts steadily reduced my liking of the ride, and a lot of elements felt oddly spaced out from each other like they were randomly plopped down and then they all had to somehow be connected to each other. Hit the brakes, let down, and then one final surprise that felt too shoehorned in to really leave a lasting impact.
Immediately I proclaimed Novgorod's far superiority, and I stood by that for the entire remainder of my visit. I rode Schwur des Kärnan twice as much however, in constant hope of being assigned front row, but I either got rows two or three, and then I had to ride it after that as well. Because I know the ride can be better than it is, but ultimately it fell flat and is overall quite uncomfortable, it went a little too big and the trains aren't quite able to handle that speed and height for that long.
I will say however, this is one of the most intense and relentless roller coasters I have ridden in a VERY long time, getting unbelievably close to saying "that was almost too much".
Now if only I had my glasses, or got the row I wanted.
The rest of the coasters were all unremarkable family rides - #424 Crazy Mine was your standard wild mouse, #425 Schlange von Midgard was a clever usage of two laps, and #426 Kleine Zar is themed to being built of wood.
The third and final ride to ban glasses with straps was Highlander, their almost-400ft drop tower with onboard audio and an Apocalypse-like tilt downwards before the final drop. It was utterly horrifying, but for a change, I finally found another drop tower that I didn't think was "just alright". It was powerful and really good. But I couldn't wear my glasses.
The rest of the day consisted of rerides on Nessie and the two heavy hitters, and multiple laps of Schwur des Kärnan in hopes of any front row ride. But that ended in woe.
Yes. I will forever be INCREDIBLY annoying about me wanting to wear my glasses on rides, and yes I will forever be INCREDIBLY annoying about wanting the option for front row. I am reduced to uselessness without them and it does affect the ride for me in a negative way.
I would still like to return to Hansa Park, their new roller coaster opening next year looks promisingly great, and I am begging for that front row ride, but, you know.
