nadroJ
CF Legend
Chessington World of Adventures 28/08/2013 – The OUTRAGE!!!! Edition
So Conor and I had a day off today and decided to head down to CWOA to get our Annual Passes sorted. We left at 9am, hoping to get there just after 10am but the M25 (as always) decided to be a dick, inducing the first OUTRAGE!!!! of the day. After mooching along in traffic for a good 2¼ hours we finally pulled off of the M25 only to be met with a queue up to the roundabout that was clearly to get into the park. Another ¾ of an hour and we were pulling into the car park. Here we were met with an attendant who told me that this car park was shut and to go to the other (see: more vile and packed with kids) car park down the other end. I lied and said we were staying in the hotel, parked in K for Kookaburra and joined the back of a queue of 4 people to get our annual passes.
Second OUTRAGE!!!! of the day came in the form and a vulgar (but still a bit fab) woman who was moaning out loud to anyone who would listen about her and her precious ADHD suffering son Ethan, who had gone all the way to Thorpe to get their passes, only to be redirected to Chessington to pick them up. HOW OBSCENE!!!! This clearly happened because she had sorted her pass out online and had opted to pick them up from Chessington but obviously this is riDICulous and all Merlin's fault. Also, how DARE they make us QUEUE in the hot sun for our passes?! What if it rained?! What a TRAVESTY! To be fair it did get a bit annoying when we had been queueing for 20 minutes and hadn't moved, but Conor and I just grinned and bore it and filled in a guest complaint form for some freebies, yay! Anyway, finally got everything sorted and headed into the park.
First stop was for some food, we were going to grab some hotdogs right at the entrance but Chessington seem to have taken the admirable step of hiring retards for this season, thus resulting in incredibly slow and OUTRAGE inducing service. They also seem to think that floating half open bottles of fizzy drink in melted ice is a suitable way to serve said products to customers. Anyway, we turned our noses up and went to PizzaPastaBuffet, which was probably the least burdenous thing we did all day.
After literally shovelling food in our gobs we decided to go and try and get on something, seeing as we were in a theme park after all. The queue boards told us everything had a grotesque queue time so instead we sashayed over to the lorikeets. They were closed. OUTRAGE!!!!! It was hot and I was getting agitated so we joined the queue for Dragon Falls, because why not. Luckily for us it was moving quite quickly and we passed the time by telling the small child (who was complaining loudly about queueing) that queues do actually go faster the more you complain, and that he should continue doing so as much as possible. Anyway, this seemed to have the opposite effect because shortly after this conversation the annoying (racist) 'wise dragon say, keep arms and legs inside boat' announcement had stopped, meaning something had happened. Turns out some bint had decided (selfishly) to pass out in the station and was having first aid, meaning the rest of us had to wait. OUTRAGE!!!! We had a fun conversation again with the people in the queue around us about just kicking the body into a boat and resuming service as normal. I think we waited just under an hour in total, and we worked out that it had been 5 hours since leaving the house to actually get our bums in the seats of a ride. It was average at best.
Did I mention Conor has never been to Chessington before? Well, he hasn't, so I thought Tomb Blaster might be a good one for him to try next because that's actually, you know, fun. Walked across the BRIDGES OF DEATH and stoofdfor 15 minutes breathing in the noxious smell of fried whatever it is they're selling down there before deciding to sack it off as the queue hadn't actually moved. OUTRAGE!!!
It was getting hotter now so we decided to get slush. A sign informed us that half the flavours we wanted were in the process of refreezing but at this point I didn't care. We stood for about 5 minutes as apparently it takes 2 members of staff on this stall per customer (it really is a difficult job to hand an empty cup over for the SELF SERVICE slush machines) before once again sacking it off, going to the nearest shop and grabbing an ice lolly out of the freezer. This process took less than 2 minutes and was the fastest service we received all day. Whilst in the shop I noticed one of those feedback machines, which I started to fill in before abandoning it for taking too long.
Headed over to Zufari next, which proved a struggle as we had to wade through piles of sticky, smelly, spoilt brats. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but Conor is a fairly big man. Apparently this means that kids will just walk into him from all directions and it is his fault when children get knocked out of the way. This is all according to the vulgar mums with their double buggies (which, by the way, were invented by Satan himself) who were OUTRAGED!!!! to see someone possibly wanting to move faster than a snails pace.
After judging the You Can Do It When You B&Q It bridge we joined the Zufari queue which was at this point boasting a 90 minute wait time. Ouch. It lied, we were in in about 45 minutes which went quite quickly as we were amusing ourselves listening to the people whinging about it 'not being fair' that those who had paid extra for fast track tickets should get to go in front of them. It's riDICulous, and frankly, I'm OUTRAGED!!!! What I love most about these situations are the 'they should just- insert stupid suggestion here-' Oh, I'm sorry, how is your multi-million pound business fairing these days? Made any profit this year? If it were that easy I'm sure it would be sorted, and more fool you for bringing your gross children out to a theme park on a hot summers day. I also noticed that the signs in the Zufari queue were full of pointless conjunctives, so I'm going to use one now. But, the ride was actually awesome. Kids were screaming in the CAVE OF WHAT THE **** EVEN JUST HAPPENED, we got wet, fun times were had by all. On our way out we tried (again) to purchase something from one of the little pop-up-shops they had floating about, but all we could find was a half-opened bottle of water floating in tepid melted ice. Yummy. Instead we wandered back over to Wild Asia for some lorikeet action.
It was open, hurrah! -sarcastic fanfare- We bought 2 of the overpriced cups of goo to feed the birds and sashayed into the enclosure. As always the lorikeets were fab and I had even more fun doing this with Conor because he hasn't been before. But then one pooed on me. OUTRAGE!!!
I think after this we had a fairly OUTRAGE!!! free afternoon mincing around the zoo. We saw some skunks get declawed, gawped at some sealions, heard Chessington zookeepers boasting about how they don't use any punishment methods of animal training (does anybody anymore?) and generally just chilling out. Oh yeah, we went to get photos with the Madagascar penguins but the queue spited and there weren't any Chessington pin badges left in the shop. OUTRAGE!!!!
It was actually a hilarious day, we got our passes sorted which was all we ever set out to do, went on a couple of things and had a fab time seeing some animals and listening to OUTRAGE!!! Live! Seriously what goes through these people's heads? I heard one woman going on about how it must be the nice weather drawing everybody out, and it's like, no? You're in a THEME PARK in the middle of AUGUST in a SCHOOL HOLIDAY!!! You're not the only person in the world you daft cow of course there are going to be queues. And none of them even have the common sense to complain properly. Oh well, more free stuff for me.
So Conor and I had a day off today and decided to head down to CWOA to get our Annual Passes sorted. We left at 9am, hoping to get there just after 10am but the M25 (as always) decided to be a dick, inducing the first OUTRAGE!!!! of the day. After mooching along in traffic for a good 2¼ hours we finally pulled off of the M25 only to be met with a queue up to the roundabout that was clearly to get into the park. Another ¾ of an hour and we were pulling into the car park. Here we were met with an attendant who told me that this car park was shut and to go to the other (see: more vile and packed with kids) car park down the other end. I lied and said we were staying in the hotel, parked in K for Kookaburra and joined the back of a queue of 4 people to get our annual passes.
Second OUTRAGE!!!! of the day came in the form and a vulgar (but still a bit fab) woman who was moaning out loud to anyone who would listen about her and her precious ADHD suffering son Ethan, who had gone all the way to Thorpe to get their passes, only to be redirected to Chessington to pick them up. HOW OBSCENE!!!! This clearly happened because she had sorted her pass out online and had opted to pick them up from Chessington but obviously this is riDICulous and all Merlin's fault. Also, how DARE they make us QUEUE in the hot sun for our passes?! What if it rained?! What a TRAVESTY! To be fair it did get a bit annoying when we had been queueing for 20 minutes and hadn't moved, but Conor and I just grinned and bore it and filled in a guest complaint form for some freebies, yay! Anyway, finally got everything sorted and headed into the park.
First stop was for some food, we were going to grab some hotdogs right at the entrance but Chessington seem to have taken the admirable step of hiring retards for this season, thus resulting in incredibly slow and OUTRAGE inducing service. They also seem to think that floating half open bottles of fizzy drink in melted ice is a suitable way to serve said products to customers. Anyway, we turned our noses up and went to PizzaPastaBuffet, which was probably the least burdenous thing we did all day.
After literally shovelling food in our gobs we decided to go and try and get on something, seeing as we were in a theme park after all. The queue boards told us everything had a grotesque queue time so instead we sashayed over to the lorikeets. They were closed. OUTRAGE!!!!! It was hot and I was getting agitated so we joined the queue for Dragon Falls, because why not. Luckily for us it was moving quite quickly and we passed the time by telling the small child (who was complaining loudly about queueing) that queues do actually go faster the more you complain, and that he should continue doing so as much as possible. Anyway, this seemed to have the opposite effect because shortly after this conversation the annoying (racist) 'wise dragon say, keep arms and legs inside boat' announcement had stopped, meaning something had happened. Turns out some bint had decided (selfishly) to pass out in the station and was having first aid, meaning the rest of us had to wait. OUTRAGE!!!! We had a fun conversation again with the people in the queue around us about just kicking the body into a boat and resuming service as normal. I think we waited just under an hour in total, and we worked out that it had been 5 hours since leaving the house to actually get our bums in the seats of a ride. It was average at best.
Did I mention Conor has never been to Chessington before? Well, he hasn't, so I thought Tomb Blaster might be a good one for him to try next because that's actually, you know, fun. Walked across the BRIDGES OF DEATH and stoofdfor 15 minutes breathing in the noxious smell of fried whatever it is they're selling down there before deciding to sack it off as the queue hadn't actually moved. OUTRAGE!!!
It was getting hotter now so we decided to get slush. A sign informed us that half the flavours we wanted were in the process of refreezing but at this point I didn't care. We stood for about 5 minutes as apparently it takes 2 members of staff on this stall per customer (it really is a difficult job to hand an empty cup over for the SELF SERVICE slush machines) before once again sacking it off, going to the nearest shop and grabbing an ice lolly out of the freezer. This process took less than 2 minutes and was the fastest service we received all day. Whilst in the shop I noticed one of those feedback machines, which I started to fill in before abandoning it for taking too long.
Headed over to Zufari next, which proved a struggle as we had to wade through piles of sticky, smelly, spoilt brats. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but Conor is a fairly big man. Apparently this means that kids will just walk into him from all directions and it is his fault when children get knocked out of the way. This is all according to the vulgar mums with their double buggies (which, by the way, were invented by Satan himself) who were OUTRAGED!!!! to see someone possibly wanting to move faster than a snails pace.
After judging the You Can Do It When You B&Q It bridge we joined the Zufari queue which was at this point boasting a 90 minute wait time. Ouch. It lied, we were in in about 45 minutes which went quite quickly as we were amusing ourselves listening to the people whinging about it 'not being fair' that those who had paid extra for fast track tickets should get to go in front of them. It's riDICulous, and frankly, I'm OUTRAGED!!!! What I love most about these situations are the 'they should just- insert stupid suggestion here-' Oh, I'm sorry, how is your multi-million pound business fairing these days? Made any profit this year? If it were that easy I'm sure it would be sorted, and more fool you for bringing your gross children out to a theme park on a hot summers day. I also noticed that the signs in the Zufari queue were full of pointless conjunctives, so I'm going to use one now. But, the ride was actually awesome. Kids were screaming in the CAVE OF WHAT THE **** EVEN JUST HAPPENED, we got wet, fun times were had by all. On our way out we tried (again) to purchase something from one of the little pop-up-shops they had floating about, but all we could find was a half-opened bottle of water floating in tepid melted ice. Yummy. Instead we wandered back over to Wild Asia for some lorikeet action.
It was open, hurrah! -sarcastic fanfare- We bought 2 of the overpriced cups of goo to feed the birds and sashayed into the enclosure. As always the lorikeets were fab and I had even more fun doing this with Conor because he hasn't been before. But then one pooed on me. OUTRAGE!!!
I think after this we had a fairly OUTRAGE!!! free afternoon mincing around the zoo. We saw some skunks get declawed, gawped at some sealions, heard Chessington zookeepers boasting about how they don't use any punishment methods of animal training (does anybody anymore?) and generally just chilling out. Oh yeah, we went to get photos with the Madagascar penguins but the queue spited and there weren't any Chessington pin badges left in the shop. OUTRAGE!!!!
It was actually a hilarious day, we got our passes sorted which was all we ever set out to do, went on a couple of things and had a fab time seeing some animals and listening to OUTRAGE!!! Live! Seriously what goes through these people's heads? I heard one woman going on about how it must be the nice weather drawing everybody out, and it's like, no? You're in a THEME PARK in the middle of AUGUST in a SCHOOL HOLIDAY!!! You're not the only person in the world you daft cow of course there are going to be queues. And none of them even have the common sense to complain properly. Oh well, more free stuff for me.
