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A Smash and Grab in Madrid

JoshC.

Strata Poster
A couple of weeks ago, I went to Madrid to celebrate my 30th birthday.

Madrid had been a bit of a cursed trip for me, with me having planned it a couple of times but it never coming to fruition. I booked a trip out there last October, and 2 days before I was due to fly out I ended up breaking my ankle.

Fortunately, no such bad luck this time. I stayed healthy prior to the trip, and managed to fly out from Stansted to Madrid with no issues. I picked up my hire car without a hitch, and 30 minutes later I was at my first of two parks of the trip: Parque Warner Madrid.

I knew that the park was on the outskirts of Madrid, but I was surprised at just how secluded the park seemed to be from...anything else. The way my flights worked out meant that I arrived just after 12, the park's opening. Annoyingly, this meant there was a long queue to get into the park's car park. The park charge for car parking, and you have to pay before entering (or pay online and scan your ticket to get into the car park). Despite several barriers open, it took a real long time to get through...it was just very slow.

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It meant that it was 12.30 by the time I got into the park. I decided to tick off Stunt Fall first, the park's Vekoma Giant Inverted Boomerang. The one train, low throughput ride had a 20 minute queue, which seemed reasonable enough. Unfortunately, as I neared the front, the ride shutdown, and after waiting it out a bit longer, they cleared the queue line; was clearly going to be a while.

Upon leaving the queue, I looked at queue times around the park and they were all long. Major rides were 60-90 minutes long, and even the filler rides were quiet long. Given the park's reputation, and the reputation I'd heard of Spanish guests liking to queue jump, I decided to look into Fastrack. I opted for a cheaper option, which meant you had to virtually wait 50% for a ride before getting on the ride basically immediately. This was for all rides expect major attraction Batman GCE.

I chose Superman as my first coaster to Fastrack, and whilst virtually queueing, I waited for the park's Vekoma Madhouse, Hotel Embrujado. Madhouses are cool rides, but they are all the same basic system, and it really comes down to their presentation. Whilst the pre show was cool, the ride itself was a bit meh. This definitely ranks near the bottom of my Madhouse list.

By the time that was said and done, it was time to ride Superman / la Atracción de Acero, the park's B&M floorless coaster. Like me, it was celebrating its birthday this day (well, actually, the whole park was...though I'm a few years older). The Fastrack queue takes past a good chunk of the main queue, which I always find a tad awkward. The batching for most of the park's Fastrack queue is to let Fastrack users in the station before anyone else, giving them free choice of row. I went for the front row for my ride, which I find makes the most of the floorless gimmick.

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The ride itself was decent. There's a certain level of vibrations throughout the ride, especially towards the end, which detracted from the experience a bit. However, the ride itself is a fantastic mix of speed, inversions, pops of airtime whilst also being an excellent length. Maybe towards the end it peters on and it could have finished a little bit earlier, but that's not too big an issue. In general though, a solid, super ride.

My next stop was going to be Shadows of Arkham, the B&M invert / Batman clone, but it was down for the day. Seemingly there's some work going on on the lift...

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Instead, I decided to grab some lunch and then brave the queue for Batman Gotham City Escape. It was displayed as a 70 minute queue, and didn't seem like it would die down given the busy-ness of the park. It also meant I could virtually queue for another ride and get on that straight away still.

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The queue line for the ride is painfully boring, a very packed-in, cattle pen like queue, with minimal views of the ride, or indeed anything. There were a couple of benches though; how exciting!

Sure enough, after about 70 minute, I was entering the building and the pre-show area. The ride's story is that the public has been invited to tour Bruce Wayne's mansion, but when you start your tour, Joker interrupts and Batman comes to the rescue (good thing he's close ey?). The pre show is the mansion, and where Joker makes his appearance. Batman then appears and you go through the Bat Cave. The pre show looked lovely, but went on for a bit and didn't really do anything. I'm all for immersion and story telling, but it has to be worthwhile, not just for the sake of it. Maybe I'm just a bit spoiled having done quite a few, and have high expectations, but yeah, I'm tiring of pre shows which add little to a ride.

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If only I wasn't able to stop smiling during the pre-show

There's still a bit more queueing after the pre-show, but quickly enough, I was on the back row.

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The station is beautifully themed though

Following a short on-ride pre show, the ride launches you outside. This initial launch is very punchy, and took me by surprise. This quickly leads you up to the second launch, which takes you up the top hat and into the anticipation stall. I really like these on top hats, but I think they have to utilised carefully. The reason it works here (and on Toutatis) is because the rest of the ride is intense; this gentler moment is a needed piece of respite.

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As alluded to, this leads into an intense ride experience. The airtime hill after the top hat has some insane ejector. There's suitably fun inversions, lateral turns and is generally a good, fun experience. This then leads into the third launch, which feels like it solely exists to get you to the end of the ride. It meanders a bit, before taking you into an incredible stall which goes over the pathway of Gotham. This, and the earlier airtime hill mentioned, are the stand out moments of the ride.

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The ride then abruptly ends, hitting a set of breaks before going up a vertical spike, and then slowly rolling back. You then spin on a turntable and roll back in the station (with Joker caught...how'd you manage that then, Batman?).

BGCE ticks a lot of boxes and is a great ride experience. But the ride's throughput (2 trains of 12 people + a long ride time = ouch) is a killer. The ending is a damp squid on the ride too, sadly. For me, this isn't up there with the elite Intamin multi launchers. And whilst this ride inserts itself into my Top 10%, it is at the lower end. That's not a critique on the ride itself per se, my Top 10% is chock-full of many top tier experiences, but I don't seem to rate it quite as highly as others do.

Next up was Coaster Express, the park's RCCA woodie. My only experience with RCCA is Bandit at Movie Park Germany, which is...rubbish, to say the least. So expectations were low. However, I ended up being pleasantly surprised. The ride is very long, comfortable, but also has some nice moments of laterals, pops of airtime and some cool helices. It's just a solid, fun ride.

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Nearby was the park's year-round horror maze, themed around the Conjuring universe. How the Conjuring universe fits into the Wild West I'm unsure, but oh well. With a 6 euro upcharge, it had a steady flow of people, but it meant we were able to go in small groups. And this maze was bloody good. Very well themed, great length, no unnecessary dead spots. Perfect number of actors. It set up a fantastic, spooky / eerie atmosphere, but always had suitable pay-offs too. Strongly recommend.

On that note too, this made me slightly more gutted that I ended up missing the park's Halloween event last year. If this is their year-round maze, I felt like it was a great sign for the rest of park's scare maze line-up.
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Next up was ticking off some of the smaller / calmer rides on park, including the log flume / rapids and the family / kiddie creds. I was pleasantly surprised by Correcaminos Bip, Bip, the park's Mack Youngstar coaster. Nice family coaster which had a cute little theme. Included in this family ride tick-off was their Scooby Doo shooter dark ride:
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Being the sucker for interactive dark rides that I am, I quite enjoyed this. Like with the Scooby Doo ride at Warner Bros Abu Dhabi, the theming felt a little on the cheap side, but the interactivity makes up for it a bit.

It was time to get back to thrill rides, with Stunt Fall calling my name. Not being a fan of most Vekoma Boomerangs I've done, and having hated the one Inverted Vekoma Boomerang I've done, I was a little apprehensive of riding. This just seemed like a recipe for disaster.

I ended up being allocated to the back row. Being dragged up backwards vertical is certainly an experience, but not as uncomfortable as I expected. And then you're released. And the ride, shockingly, doesn't bash your head in. It's intense, but it's...smooth?! Going through the cobra roll is great fun. The vertical loop again is great. And then you hit the second vertical lift. Rise up, and release.

The backwards vertical loop was beautiful. The backwards cobra roll, usually the worst part of these Vekoma Boomerangs, was slow and filled with hang-time, but not in any way painful. I was just left...shocked by how good the experience was.

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Vekoma, I like the cut of your GIB.

Even with Fastrack, the day was getting away from me, and the early start and surprising heat (nearly 30 degrees) meant I was beginning to tire. The park was still busy. I'd have liked another ride on BGCE, and it was advertised at 50mins, but the queue was longer than my earlier 70 minute queue. So I decided to call it a day there.

Final Parque Warner Thoughts
Parque Warner is a park that really struggled with the crowds. I think my expectations for the park were raised after I really enjoyed Warner Bros Abu Dhabi, perhaps unfairly so. With no Shadows of Arkham, no main show and slow operations, it was a difficult day to enjoy. It did really end up just being a smash and grab cred run with a bit more. BGCE is a great headline ride for the park, but perhaps they forgot to include throughput as something to think about.

Up next: Parque de Atracciones de Madrid, featuring an unexpected twist...
 
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Day 2 - Parque de Atracciones de Madrid

My hotel was conveniently placed between both parks and travelling was reasonably straightforward. With PdA being closer to central Madrid, there were a lot of tunnels / underground driving to get there, which meant I lost signal for Google Maps a few times. But not too much an issue, I got there easily enough.

When I arrived, I was pulling up to a certain bit of the car park, but a security guard blew their whistle at me and pointed me to a different part. It was a bit closer to the entrance.

PdA is located in a large natural complex, which helped make it feel a bit more secluded, despite being more a city park.
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The park opened at 12, with not too many people around. My first stop of the day was Tarántula, the park's Maurer spinner. Why they decided to theme (using the word loosely) a spinner to a spider I'm not sure, but hey-ho.

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super spooky spider

As far as spinner goes, this one ranks higher up on the list. Good layout, which naturally induced spinning, with some decent length and good interaction with surroundings. This was a nice little surprise, as I wasn't expecting much from it.

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check out those "spider eggs" theming at the bottom by the brake run

Next up I decided to tick off the nearby coaster which I was dreading the most...Abismo. Previously, I'd ridden one Maurer Skyloop, the shorter Ukko at Linnanmäki. It's a ride I hated it with an absolute passion; Ukko ranks as my third least favourite coaster.

Abismo has a quirk against it in that it needs a full train of 12 riders to operate, for...reasons. Being a single rider meant I was able to bypass the short queue and get on straight away (side note: with this weird rule, they probably should have a single rider queue for this). Fortunately, I lucked out and got back row, meaning I didn't get horrid hangtime on the upside down lift hill.

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The lift hill that goes upside...the worst invention known to man

The lift hill and twist was as horrid as Ukko's. The restraints, vile. But then the rest of the ride surprised me. It wasn't awful. It was bearable, bordering on...fun?! Eurgh. Why. I wanted to absolutely hate this, but the airtime hill and turnaround are pretty fun.

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Don't get me wrong, Abismo still ranks very low down on my rankings, thanks to the lift hill and the ending being terrible, but the rest of the layout means I can't really go for the obvious word-play and say "Abismo, more like Abism-al!"

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On the topic of coasters I was apprehensive of riding, the next stop was Tornado, the 25 year old Intamin SLC.

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Fun fact: I'd previously ridden two coasters named Torando (the since-renamed Vekoma looping coaster at Hellendoorn, and the Intamin spinner at Bakken). They both rank in my Bottom 10.

So let's recap. Old Intamin? SLC? Named Tornado? This just spells disaster, right?

Wellllll, no, actually. Against all odds, this Tornado was smooth and graceful. The layout was fun and varied, despite having two vertical loops, and had a great level of forces too. The 3 inversions are all great. And, to add, I actually enjoyed this more than some B&M inverts I've ridden. In short, this was really good fun.

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The supports on the vertical loop are hilarious

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The entrance is tucked away behind the log flume. Bit of a trek to get to and from it.

The park wasn't that busy, although the family creds had long-ish queues. I decided to take a break from creds and grab a couple of other rides, including two of the park's water rides, a log flume and rapids. The log flume was small but cute, and the rapids were actually really fun, with lots of water effects. I managed to avoid getting too wet, but it would have been very easy to get soaked.

Next up, it was Gerstlauer mine train time with TNT Tren de la Mina. This had a 40 minute advertised queue, but was more like 20 minutes. The queue line had a very good castle façade. The ride itself was a little less themed, but still not dressed that badly. And for a family mine train, it was quite nice, but also a bit on the weaker side on mine trains I've done.
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There's also a splash-and-dash chute the shoot water ride in this area. It was very closed, with the boats dismantled in the ride area:
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After a spot of lunch - at the on-site Dominos! - and grabbing the remaining 3 creds (a wild mouse, Zamperla suspended coaster and Zamperla family coaster...all +1s), it was time for the final attraction I was excited for, their Walking Dead maze.

This is the fifth Walking Dead maze I've done now, and this was arguably the best. There was a story present which worked, whilst also still highlighting scenes from the show. It was a great length, on two floors, and unsurprisingly brilliantly themed. The only let down was the ending, which was a standard chainsaw run out. It just doesn't fit for the theme.
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Again, as I was meant to be here at Halloween last year, the quality of this made me slightly more gutted to miss out on that trip.


The rest of my time on park was spent enjoying the park's quaint atmosphere, plus riding a few other things, like the star flyer and drop tower, watching the park's Grease-inspired show, plus a few re-rides.
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Pretty fountains are pretty

After a while though, I got a bit...bored. After some re-rides, there wasn't anything keeping me there. It was about 5pm at this point, and I decided to leave. My flight home was around 9.30pm. The plan was to see if there was a nice restaurant en route to the airport to eat at, or just get to the airport unnecessarily early and just chill.

Final PdA Thoughts
PdA is a park. It's not a bad park, it's not a good park. There's a nice selection of rides, and given it's location, it does pretty well at being a family offering for the locals. But I never had much desire to come here, and have no desire to ever return. This really is a smash and grab cred run park at heart.



Sadly, the aforementioned plan did not come fruition. This will follow in the next post, to chunk this report nicely.
 
I left the park and walked back to my hire car. To my horror, the car had been broken into, with my rucksack stolen. Nothing was left behind including, most critically, my passport. I had been the victim of a, ahem, smash and grab.

Part 3 - A Literal Smash and Grab
After quickly processing that my stuff was gone, I looked around to see if there was either the earlier security guard, or, failing that, security cameras. To my dismay, there was neither.

After this, I went back to the park's entrance. Unfortunately, there was a significant language barrier. After finding someone who spoke a little English, they pretty much said there was nothing that could be done.

I was in a bit of a survival mode at this point. I'd posted on Twitter about this, and shout out to loads of people who gave me loads of advice / help (some are on here - thanks very much!).

Next thing I did was call my car hire company to explain the issue and find out what would happen. The customer services number had a "Listen to these options in English" feature. However, all options from the English menu just rang out; no one answered. So I instead had to go through the Spanish options and, with my very limited Spanish, try and either get through to someone who spoke English, or explain what happened.

Fortunately, the conversation "¿hablas inglés?" and "No, pero mi manager sí" ("Do you speak English?" and "No, but my manager does") happened, and I was transferred to someone who spoke English. I started to explain the issue, and they then cut me off, said "No, can't help" and hung up. Not helpful.

To explain my thought process here. I did not know whether I had to get police to come to the scene, whether I had to get a police report before taking the car back, etc. I wasn't sure if I could even legally drive the car with a broken window.

I found a different number for the car hire company and phoned them. They then put me through to their mobile repair team. They explained there's nothing they could do, as they deal with mechanical repairs, and put me through to someone else. They then explained I can drive the car back and return it there, and the car hire location at the airport would fill out the necessary paperwork. I didn't have to do a police report before doing this. Huzzah, finally some progress, and a very helpful person!

I drove back and returned the car, explaining the situation. Obviously the deposit was kept, and they explained that the repairs would be billed to me. All standard stuff.

I had a hundred things in my head at this point. Police report. Passport. Flights. Travel.

So let's take stock. I was now at Madrid airport. With me, I had my phone, wallet (thank god those weren't stolen!) and portable charger (with half a battery left), plus the clothes on my back.

I decided that a police report was one of the most pressing things, so that was my next point of call. I found the police desk at Terminal 1 (the Terminal I was at), and...neither of the officers there spoke a word of English. I found out that there's a larger police point at the airport, in Terminal 4. Terminal 4 is a 10-15 minute shuttle bus service away though. I could tell this was going to be fun (not).

During this, I started to look in greater depth at the passport situation. I had to apply online for an emergency passport, which I would then have to pick up from the British embassy. The website said this could take 48 hours to process, and may require further documentation / an interview to prove your identity. The application for an emergency passport asks for all your passport details, fortunately I had a photo of my passport so these were easy to provide (so, all travellers, this is something I'd highly recommend you do if you haven't already!).

I arrived at Terminal 4 and eventually found the police point (it was hidden away). Fortunately, there were officers here who spoke some English, so I could explain the situation. Despite it not being busy, I had to wait 30 minutes before someone handed me a form to fill out (fortunately, a bilingual version). It was then another 20-30 minutes before an officer took my form. This officer didn't speak English either. He took copies of it, made a note of my case number, gave it back to me, and off I went.

My emergency passport application was completed and being processed. But at this point, it was Sunday evening, there was no chance I was going to hear back that evening. And even if I magically did and could someone pick up my passport that evening, there was no chance I'd make my flight. At this point, it must have been gone 9pm, coming close to 10pm. It had been a long few hours.

So my attention turned to getting a hotel for the night. I managed to find one close enough to the airport and at a reasonable price. That felt like a little miracle, frankly. Getting there involved getting a metro one stop and a short walk. In my stressed state, I didn't realise there was a metro station at Terminal 4, so took the longer shuttle bus back to Terminal 1, then got the Metro and got to my hotel.

And that was the unexpected second night in Madrid done with.


Part 4 - Getting Home
Between the uncomfortable bed and the stress, I didn't get a good night's sleep. This, however, had a weird benefit. At about 5am, I checked my phone, and at that exact time, I got an email from the British embassy - my application for an emergency passport had been approved! I had to choose a time slot to collect it from the embassy; the first appointment was at noon that day...yes please!

I exhausted my portable charger's battery to get my phone up to about 70% battery. Of course, I couldn't book a flight until I had my passport (number), so I was in a little bit of limbo in the morning - would I be able to get home that day, or be stuck longer? Would I need to buy a phone charger and another hotel? How badly do my clothes smell right now?

At this point, I will point out - I do have travel insurance. I'd checked briefly through it all and I could claim things like new flights, hotels, etc back within reason and to a set amount. There was no specific "You must book X through Y", which was a relief.

Anyways, with nothing to do that morning, and not fancying trying to squeeze in some sightseeing, I decided to just head to the embassy early. It was 2 metro trains and about 35 minutes away. Thank goodness I was in Madrid and not the arse-end of nowhere in Spain. But my thinking was if I went there, I could ask to just wait in the building, possibly charge my phone, etc. I didn't know if I was naïve in thinking this, but it was the best thing I had in my head at that time.

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Big building
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BLUE PASSPORTS.


So I arrived at the British embassy just after half 10. I explained the situation, and said I had an appointment at noon, but since I had nothing else to do, would it be okay to wait in the building till then. A phone call later and they said I could go up now. Huzzah! Collection of the emergency passport was super easy and quick.

Having already had a brief look at flights, I knew there were a few options for me getting back home that night. The cheapest option was a flight which Barcelona, and then a flight to Heathrow. The flight to Barcelona was at 2pm, and then there was a 4 hour lay-over in Barcelona, but it worked. So that's what I went for.

Getting back to the airport was easy. Of course, there's tonnes of charging points for phones at airports these days, which helped. And the flights were easy. Interestingly, they don't bother stamping emergency passports, and you have to surrender them when you arrive back in the UK. But it all went smoothly and quickly, and Monday evening, almost 24 hours later than planned, I was back in the UK.

But wait, there's one final thing! If you've read all this, I'll forgive you if you've forgotten. I flew out from Stansted. I've just arrived in Heathrow. Heathrow is significantly closer to home for me, but my car is parked in Stansted. Oh, and where are my car keys? In the rucksack that was stolen in Madrid...

Fortunately, I had already thought about this. I had a spare set of car keys at home. So I had to get a lift home, get those spare car keys, then get a lift to Stansted from a very, very kind friend so that I could get my car and drive home.

Suffice to say, when I did eventually arrive (back) home, my bed was a welcome sight.

Final Smash and Grab Thoughts
Getting your passport stolen in a foreign country sucks.
Madrid sucks.
 
Wow, that sounds super stressful. I think if that happened to me I'd go into pure panic mode and not know what to do. Glad you got home safely and hopefully your travel insurance don't mess you around and are helpful.
 
Blimey! What an ordeal! Well done in being quite methodical and getting it all sorted out, that must have been a pretty stressful time!
 
Still catching up on reports, but sorry to hear you had to go through that horrible experience and glad that you managed to get things sorted to a degree.

I went to Spain last November and we were robbed too. I've been astounded by the levels of incompetence that I faced getting anything done about it afterwards, to the point that I've never been able to bring myself to write about it, so
Madrid Spain sucks.
 
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