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UK Merlin Parks, Best to Worst

cjbrandy

cjbrandy

Hyper Poster
Merlin dominate the theme park market in the UK with their 4 parks: Alton Towers, Thorpe Park, Chessington and Legoland. I havent been to that many parks yet so these are some of the few I can talk about from experience, I am really not one of those Merlin fanboys who look at their parks and decision making through rose tinted glasses.

1. Thorpe Park
I suspect most people will put this as number 2 or even 3 behind Alton Towers because AT has the more scenic environment and Thorpe has a reputation for being a somewhat chavvy and teen filled place but its my fave. I simply prefer the coaster selection and I love how close together everything is. My opinions of Saw and Collosus have been lowered quite a bit since my last visit as I found them unacceptably rough but Stealth is more of a rush than Oblivion (though that ride is executed better and more intelligently designed), Nemesis Inferno is great fun and isnt massively inferior to Nemesis imo plus The Swarm is also good if a bit short (and was ran very efficently when I went in Easter believe it or not). I havent really touched much on the other rides like the flats, I loved the final drop on Loggers Leap and thought as a whole its way better than The Flume.

2. Alton Towers
Solid park, nice environment. I'll be visiting when I go to Keele uni which is nearby and will be treated to shoet queues on Nemesis and co thanks to the GPs newfound fear and distrust of the place. Nemesis is great (though I was heartbroken to see it closed last visit), Oblivion is wonderful at the back for the stomach dropping feeling, Air is a great ride which exceeded my expectations and The Smiler was good enough when it was working. Rita, Thirteen and Sonic aren't bad rides at all, I find them fun but rarely ride becauase they have (or more accurately, had because of The Smiler incident) 45+ minute queues I just could not be **** with. I noted the ridiculous amount of break downs during my last visit in Easter including Oblivion which closed in the early afternoon and never reopened.

3. Legoland
I'll admit Im a bit biased towards the place since as a child I had many great memories there and as a kid I liked Lego a lot. I reckon people here who've only visited as adults will rate this below Chessington. The Dragon coaster is a charming family ride and Ive always appreciated the Lego everywhere and use to spend ages and ages going through Miniland. It does get busy but with the recent expansion and Disko flat there is a huge selection of rides so on a visit you can find at least something with a short wait.

4. Its a whole load of averageness and mediocrity! Many say Drayton is a less than stellar park but IMO in comparison to Chessington its like **** Cedar Point or Magic Mountain! Its not all negative, Vampire is one of the most fun coasters in the UK with a great finale ending but its run like absolute **** **** making it impossible to re ride and whore combined with the fact its the star attraction along with Dragons Fury. DF looked awesome and much better than Sonic but I didnt have time to ride </3 though it has the same problem as Vampire: it pulls a massive ass queue making re rides impossible. Thank **** for Rattlesnakes very high 1.4m height restriction meaning most of the little brats in the park couldnt ride it, haha!(I thought it was good fun and well themed too). The only thing Chessington does well is the zoo if thats your thing. There is good theming here and there but its really neglected and half assed in places. Tomb raider shooter thing was **** tragic, ridiculous amounts of broken targets plus very slow operations. One more bad thing- Dragon Falls drop used to look great, now it looks **** and I know they cant be arsed to sort it out which is another instance of Chessington mediocrity!
 
1. Alton Towers

Possibly the most successful Merlin park in the future and the best, it's a bit off loads of main roads and I hear quite a few people say it's hard to get to, but it's the most accessible park, it's in the middle of the country so you can get to it from the north and the south within 2-3 hours, and it's one of the 2 Merlin parks which has a decent atmosphere. As you get on the monorail you go past some of the best rides on park and you get hyped up. Then once you get through the turnstiles the you arrive on towers street which is a contender for the best theme park entrance in Europe, not many other parks have that magic as you walk down, and the lawns at the bottom, a beautiful lake and the towers all make up one of the most beautiful theme park entrances.
What I think creates the atmosphere is the scenery and the fact you can't see the rides until you walk round the corner and past the trees ( see, the tree height restrictions do have a positive effect;) ) and you just see them for the first time. Usually it's not like Thorpe with chavs in loads of places so it's more peaceful. Loads of family rides, two of the best dark rides (Duel and Hex) and 4 of my top coasters (nemesis, oblivion, thirteen and The Smiler) It has the best coaster line up in the country! 9coasters and SW8 coming soon hopefully and it will be up to 10! When SW8 opens (and no other coaster closes) it will have the biggest coaster line up in the country!
I'd give 8.5/10 for Alton

2. Thorpe Park

Only been 3 times, every time the rides have been great, but problems on the 1st trip (not always the parks fault) on my first visit in 2012 I rode Stealth, The Swarm and Colossus, I got in about 4 rides, to make the day worse I got elbowed in the massive push for The Swarm. I went again in 2013 and had a great day, with rides on everything apart from stealth, 25 rides! I also queued a long time for colossus, but it seemed smoother. My 2014 trip was my best trip, went to fright nights and got on 19 rides and all the mazes. There was 1hr queues and up all day for everything so I bought a fast track! Night rides on The Swarm and colossus are amazing! 4 my top ten coasters here (stealth, Colossus, The Swarm and Nemesis Inferno) as well as my 2nd and 3rd favourite flat rides Slammer and Rush! Two very good water rides, but unless it's front nights I found quite bad atmosphere is common, they seriously botch up some of the theming (rumba Rapids, Angry Birds Land while having some of the best, Saw, The Swarm, Tidal Wave and maybe the new dark ride. They do seriously lack on dark rides (due to them aiming on coasters) and that doesn't help the atmosphere. With simworx saying next year they are announcing an UK ride, could this be a robocoaster or an agr dark ride? My opinions will change next year depending on the dark ride, but for now I would probably give them a reasonable score.
7.5/10

3. Chessington

I've never been here, but I've heard reports of the best Merlin theming around, decent coasters and dark rides. It also looks to be the most likely park for Merlin to leave, with no new coasters since Dragons Fury, and no major new rides in quite a few years, it has great potential, but planning stops them from having a decent chance. Unless they get a thrill coaster before paramount opens I can't see them doing very well. I reckon Merlin will get rid of some rides and focus on the zoo, marketing it as a zoo rather than a theme park or sell it on, I can't see it doing well when paramount opens but it seems like a decent family park.
7/10

4. Legoland

I thought a Lego Theme Park would be amazing, I thought wrong. The prices are silly, some areas are neglected, I'm not bothered about the child price, why should an adult who often has no interest in the majority(not all, the majority£ of the rides there pay 40+ pounds to get in? They have low capacity rides, with the chance of your dignity being lost, on the most thrilling ride there and they theme it to heartland city and horses?! cool) :lol: any time apart from term days queues are long, they charge massive prices for people who have no interest in the smaller rides, it could be decent, they also need a family thrill coaster (on thirteen scale and the new haunted house to be given permission, how they can build a disko and not the haunted house which would have been better I don't know) No one can say it's a children's park, it should have no thrill rides, look at Legoland Florida, a decent family invert, Legoland deutchland even has a sky roller or a sky fly (forgotten which one) don't get me wrong I would visit if I lived nearer and probably would enjoy it more, but I get the chance to visit once a year, I would like it more if the park had a couple of thrill rides, I wouldn't even be that much bothered if they didn't, they just charge silly amounts because it's Lego and popular.i do enjoy the rides when I'm on them, I want to ride them but I just don't want queue all day, neither do the kids, it's just not worth the price for what it is, even though they do have fairly decent rides. I just don't get why no thrill rides whatsoever... Maybe it's my hatred from the jungle coaster going. I do like the park, just prefer the mini land to the rides, I say get a flying ninjagos clone :p A good, but overrated, over
Priced park for what it is. If only they were allowed to build the haunted house and had a decent thrill ride...
5/10
 
I've only been to three, but I'd rank them like this:

1. Alton Towers- In my opinion it's probably the park with the greatest quality of coasters in the UK, but it also has really beautiful scenery and landscaping that is unique to any park I've been to. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like you're in an amusement park! It also has a good selection of non-coaster stuff as well. I think for me a lot of the appeal comes from the fact that it's not really like any of the standard parks you'd find here in North America, which is obviously what I'm use to visiting.

2. Chessington- I always thought this was a glorified petting zoo until I went there in 2010 and 2011. They actually have a lot of fab stuff to do there, even if the coaster selection leaves a lot to be desired. It's still a really fun day out, and the atmosphere is pretty welcoming as well.

3. Thorpe- Kind of reminiscent of any chain park you might find on this side of the pond, so it didn't really thrill me, but it does have a good selection of coasters and is certainly not as bad as a lot of people make it out to be. No, the clientele isn't the greatest and the atmosphere isn't gorgeous, but again, it makes for a fun day.
 
I'll do some short explanations as most of the stuff I'd go on about has already been said.

Alton Towers - For it's unique layout and tons of sentimental value... And Nemesis <3. It's also quite a high quality overall experience when compared to the others.

Thorpe Park - It has the most solid ride collection of all parks in the UK. But, I don't really like anything else about it.

Chessington - It's actually a nice park to walk around, but the mediocre ride selection doesn't deserve the massive crowds it gets, which is very annoying.

Legoland - **** hate it. It's just ridiculously busy to the point of no enjoyment. I know it's for kids and Lego-lovers (of which I'm not), but I still think the overall experience must be pretty crap sometimes for them too.
 
Alton - Great atmosphere and theming and great selection of rides; best theme park in the UK imo. Has a combination of the good aspects of Thorpe and Chessington.
Chessington - Also has some really nice themed areas and good atmosphere. Good selection of rides for the parks' target market.
Thorpe - Good selection of thrill rides... That's about it.
Legoland - Meh.
 
1) Thorpe Park
2) Alton Towers

It's close though, but Thorpe wins it for me because of the better ride selection and more convinient location.
 
1. Alton Towers - best park in the UK. One of the nicest in the world in terms of atmosphere and a good coaster selection.

2. Thorpe - Decent ride selection and compact enough to be an easy day out.

3/4. ChessingDump and Legoland - haven't been to Legoland, but assuming it's basically identical to the two I have been to. ChessingDump is f**king awful. Nothing above mediocre in the rides department and falling apart. Dreadful place.
 
Keeping it short:
Alton - Very nice park.

Thorpe - Very good ride selection.

CWOA - I really like Vampire but the park is in need of some more TLC.

Legoland - No real atmosphere. The only thing really going for it is the setting on the hill.
 
gavin said:
haven't been to Legoland, but assuming it's basically identical to the two I have been to.
Click to expand...

Im sure it will be nicer than that Florida one if you go, I saw the trip peport you made when you went and it looks like an abomination of a park.
 
Without a doubt, the number one UK Merlin park is Alton Towers. Strong themed areas throughout (although I do think Dark Forest is pretty weak), it has my favourite UK ride (Nemesis) and tonnes of other fab stuff. I'm not sure if it's the setting or the fact that the park feels epic to walk around but it truly is a good day out.

Second place goes to Thorpe. Tbh, I actually get more of a thrill from being at Thorpe than what I do at Alton. Stealth, Rush, Swarm, Detonator (and to some extent Colossus and Inferno) are rides that give me a buzz. What lets it down is the cramped feeling and the chavvy atmosphere. If they could put Thorpe's rides in Alton's setting, that would be amazing.

Chessington in third. I do like Chessington, again it has strong themed areas and an ok selection of rides but it's not for me. I enjoy my time there but it lacks in thrills for me. I think it tows the line nicely between family and thrilly but edges towards the children just a little too much.

Legoland in fourth by default. On the surface it's great - well themed areas, lots of interesting lego stuff to look at, a high quality maze and some interesting rides such as the Journey To Atlantis and the Not-Tomb Blaster thing. The only thing that lets it down is the clientele. I hate going somewhere that is full of children and middle-class women pushing buggies thinking they have right of way and randomly stopping in the middle of the paths without considering those around them. Can't really complain though, as the park is aimed at lower-middle class families who complain that the day out cost them nearly £10,000,000..."and then they stung us for parking!" #dailymail
 
I agree with what most have said..

1) Alton- magical place, lovely open spaces and a great ride line up IMO, for me it's a few hours drive away and makes for a lovely weekend break and warrants a couple of days in the park.
2) Thorpe- (my home park) total dump and mostly full of a-holes, but fab coasters and a couple of excellent flats, easy to get to and a nice day out.
3) Chessie- mostly well themed, tame/abrasive rides and full of children and wasps. Blerugh.
4) Legoland- love lego and all the nice things to look at, hate the crowds/push chairs and the ride line up is pretty lame for anyone over the age of 8.
 
Alton Towers - Unsurprisingly the better of the two I've been to. It's the atmosphere and scenery and design that makes this place really good and even magical in some places.

Thorpe Park - Better than I thought it would be. Arguably a better coaster selection than Alton (though I'd go to Alton for Nemesis alone). Fun little park that just lacks the atmosphere Alton has.
 
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