Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

[LiveForTheLaunch]

I had a debate with someone today about the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater." Basically, I just wanted to see if you guys agreed or disagreed, and why.

 

[furie]

I think like most things, it's not something that you can simply look at black and white.

I agree that if there "moral" part of the brain that stops cheating isn't as embedded or high on a psychological priority list with a person, then it's likely to stay that way. It's essentially a form of selfishness, but we're all selfish in different ways - I doubt there's anyone truly altruistic on these forums.

What you'll find is that as long as somebody is satisfied, then the chances of them wanting to cheat are reduced considerably. It's all about gratification - a hedonist will always be a hedonist.

That doesn't mean that it's the "victims" fault of course, it means that sometimes there's not compatibility and that the "cheater" probably isn't communicating well enough or doesn't have the guts to end things that aren't working for them. Relationships are complex things though and people get different physical and social benefits from them, you just need to make sure that you're both aware of the standing.

Though some people just want their cake and to eat it - whatever that means? :lol:

So yeah, I think that somebody prone to cheating will always be prone to cheating, but that doesn't mean that they will - if they're happy and staid in their relationship then they won't stray.

 

[kimahri]

I used to cheat in video games. Now I don't. The end.

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

I pretty much whole heartedly agree with you, Furie. Obviously anyone has the capability to cheat, and if you've cheated on one person I think that it's difficult for someone to change and not cheat on them, because if you cheated in the first place obviously you're unhappy etc. But I think if you switch relationships and are much happier in one then there's no need or desire to cheat.

But it's shocking how many people think that because someone cheated once, it means they'll always cheat, no matter who they're with. It's a bit silly really.

 

[Snoo]

What Phil said.

 

[Ben]

I'd hope not, but, eh.

We all know my cheating story, and I'm not actually in the least bit ashamed of what I did because of the circumstances it was in. At the same time, I've been offered to cheat on people who really do not deserve it, and have turned that down because I never would.

I still hold to the fact I'd never cheat on anyone/be the other woman when I felt it wasn't what the stupid bitch had coming, but, I have and if a similar situation arose again, I would again...

It's on a very case-by-case basis, and 95% of the time, it's really wrong... People in happy relationships don't cheat. If you cheat, then you're obviously unhappy and should just man-up, admit you're gay*, and break-up.

(*you may skip this step if not applicable)

 

[tomahawk]

Yes, but there are outliers in this. Say if one is abused and they cheat, that is different than someone cheating who is just not getting enough ass. Communication can prevent it 9 times out of 10. Knowing a lot of friends who cheat, say it's because of communication, but I just tell them they are spineless because they won't initiate the communication, and when they don't they go cheat. Cheating is about as low as you could get, and I'm not talking about cheating in a couple month relationship, because yeah it still hurts, but if you cheat and you have been together for say a year, or married for several, then you deserve the consequences unless it is in one of those outliers. Not a fan of cheaters. Friends who dated each other set rules that if they were gonna cheat, break up with them first at least, and inside 5 minutes of breaking up they were with someone else, but hey, in their mind they didn't technically "cheat" but that is the gray area for some people. My thought is if you break up with someone and inside a week, you are with someone else, there were clearly some intentions to cheat going on.

 

[Sam]

What Phil said really....

It is a fair and valid point to say however, that with alcohol the chance is always increased....

 

[Antinos]

Also, cheating doesn't just pertain to relationships. Somebody could have cheated on their partner a decade earlier, but who says that they also didn't cheat in college or cheat on their taxes?

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

It is a fair and valid point to say however, that with alcohol the chance is always increased....

Yah, I hate when any guy I'm with gets drunk because I have major trust problems and then it gets about 10x worse when they're drinking because even though people say "I won't cheat," sometimes you're so under the influence it just happens. Although, I was in uni all year and was able to stop myself even when I have been like, on the brink of passing out.

Somebody could have cheated on their partner a decade earlier, but who says that they also didn't cheat in college or cheat on their taxes?

Yah but that doesn't count. I'd still cheat in that respects, it's not really hurting anyone else. Cheating on a partner is way different.

 

[tomahawk]

Cheating not in a relationship is completely different and probably deserves another topic, but it is bad as well, and in the regards of taxes or school it makes a huge impact. It can mean the difference between getting a job and not, promotions, etc. so I say it is almost as bad if not worse than in a relationship. I mean just look at sports and the effects it has had on baseball.

 

[Antinos]

Thanks Tom. Taylor, you say that it's not hurting anybody else(when it comes to school), and that's true, but you are hurting yourself, and that's what matters most. When you cheat on your taxes, you are hurting the government, which is kind of a big deal.

It doesn't really matter what kind of cheating a person does. It's disrespectful to your partner, friends, teachers, parents, colleagues, and especially yourself.

 

[madhjsp]

When you cheat on your taxes, you are hurting the government, which is kind of a big deal.

Not to mention the possible legal consequences you are risking bringing upon yourself.

It doesn't really matter what kind of cheating a person does. It's disrespectful to your partner, friends, teachers, parents, colleagues, and especially yourself.

QFT - all of those are true. Mostly I see cheating, in whatever form, as a self-respect thing. I won't cheat in school not just because I'd be risking expulsion, but primarily because I firmly believe in being judged for the quality of my own work. I won't cheat in a relationship not just because it'd be painful to my significant other, but primarily because I wouldn't be able to respect myself for making the decision that caused that pain.

And on that note, that's one of the main reasons I love being single. So much less complicated that way.

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

Yah but can you honestly say then, that there's not one aspect of your life you've cheated in? Whether it be in grade one while playing a game or whatever? That's why my topic was about cheating in relationships, not on tests or whatever, because to me cheating on a significant other and writing an answer to a question on your hand during an exam in high school are two different things.

 

[Hixee]

^Well maybe you should have been a bit more specific in the first post.

I took it to mean in tests/exams etc first, then after reading a few of the replies realised you were on about relationships.

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

^ Well, usually when one refers to the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater," it has to do with relationships..

USE YOUR COMMON SENSE PEOPLE .

 

[Hixee]

^Common sense in Canada must be different then... :roll:

 

[madhjsp]

I understood what you were asking Taylor, I was just speaking my thoughts on cheating in general and how I feel it's more a disrespect to yourself than it is to anyone else.

To answer your specific question, it's very much a case-by-case thing, but I don't believe that someone who cheats on their partner once is automatically more likely to cheat again, or necessarily any more likely to cheat in the future than someone who has never cheated. There could be a variety of factors influencing their decision to cheat in the first place that may never come into play in other relationships. Moreover, it's plausible that they'd learn from their cheating experience and correct their decision-making accordingly to avoid repeating it.

 

[Antinos]

Taylor, you may consciously think that cheating in relationships and cheating in other aspects are different, but psychologically, they are the same. Why would you cheat on a partner? It's the same reason you would cheat on a test or your taxes - you want more or better for yourself. The motive is basically the same and the effect is usually similar. Subconsciously, your mind treats cheating in different aspects the same way.

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

^ Yah but you're acting holier than thou saying you'd never do any kind of cheating and it's wrong, but can you honestly say you've never cheated on ANYTHING in your life? I wouldn't say cheating on a board game when you were four is the same as cheating in a long term relationship when you're twenty, to be honest. If you wanna make a topic about cheating on tests then go ahead, but my topic was for relationships only and that's what I'd like to keep it as. Yah cheating is bad no matter what but to be honest, writing an answer on my hand back in high school for a test really didn't leave any lasting psychological implicated nor did it effect my life, whereas cheating in a relationship did have lasting effects and did make me feel bad.