[Complete!] Energylandia Winter Kingdom 2024 - Part 2: The meat and the SAUCE

[Rob Coasters]

This will be written slightly differently from the others as my "traditional" way of doing these things will be unsustainable for a park like Energylandia.
#123 Junior Coaster 1 was terrible.
#124 Junior Coaster 2 was terrible.
#125 Kiddie Coaster 1 was terrible.
#126 Junior Coaster 3 was terrible.
That's a boring read. Gets repetitive. And with the quantity of "add to the spreadsheet and never think about it again" rides that Energylandia has, an alternate approach must be taken.

So.
#383 RMF Dragon, clone of Orkanen. I had to wear goggles. Orkanen better, obviously.
#387 Energus, clone of K3 Roller Skater. Did two laps, wanted to get off after one. K3 better, obviously. It's also terrible.
#388 Frutti Loop Coaster, wacky worm. I was the only rider. It's also terrible.
#389 Circus Coaster, tiny oval. It's also terrible.
#390 Mars. Tracked absolutely dreadfully. It's also terrible.
#391 Mayan wasn't great, but wasn't awful either.
#392 Choco Chip Creek. Could've been good, but they forgot to theme it. Waste of potential, but not quite terrible as it shows promise but the park just simply hasn't quite gotten around to at least making the thing not look like an industrial wasteland.
#393 Draken. Terrible.
#394 Frida. Has a pull over the first drop. But it's also terrible.

Despite what else this park has, cred running this place in arctic temperatures was a true low point of roller coaster enthusiasm for me. You think you're done with junior coasters, another one around the corner is exactly the same as all the others and provides nothing different or unique. It's also freezing cold. And that's another junior coaster around the corner. And the air is ice.
It's one of the only times where I've legitimately questioned my dedication to credit collection. With my new and shiny favourite roller coaster in the world on the other side of the park, I'm riding multiple coasters that I literally couldn't care less about even if I actively tried to do so. Rides that I wish "okay, +1, when's it over" as soon as lift disengagement occurs. The feeling of defeat whenever it goes for another lap. Everything gets elevated by the negative degrees celsius, Hyperion taunting me, reminding me that all of this is self-inflicted. And it is. I do it to myself, because I like big numbers. I like when numbers go up. I can't have the opportunity to try a brand new roller coaster and ignore it, especially if I have the time to do so. That's not who I am, that's not what I do, that's not what I'm here for. I'm here to ride all of the roller coasters, go big or go home I suppose.
These coasters serve a purpose, they make children laugh, they make families smile, they bring joy to everyone else. I shouldn't make those people feel bad just because of some stupid hobby I have where I "have to" ride all of these roller coasters. But I write this almost a full year later with a credit count of 490, almost exactly 100 more than when I first visited this park. And I feel more desire than ever to gain some more credits. So all of this may have been a blip. Maybe this park just went a little overboard with their deathly quantity of same-old same-old. Two things can be correct at the same time. And the fact that I was dying of freezing to death under my four layers of clothing. Poland gets cold, man.

I suppose enough whining over what is essentially a first-world problem. "I have to ride too many roller coasters!" Look at myself. What am I even doing? It's nothing more than self inflictment because I made myself get all the credits instead of spending the entire day lapping walk-on Hyperion, my favourite roller coaster in the world. I feel so guilty talking bad about the park because I literally just decided "what if i rode only s**t garbage that wasn't designed for me" and then acted surprised when I didn't enjoy myself that much.
It's a curse of credit collection. Realistically there's nothing wrong with half of those rides, I'm just not their target audience and I rode them while really off the mood to be doing so.

I guess it makes sense for all of the big ones to deserve their own part, now. I've been at a loss for months on how to word this report and I remain unsure of how happy I am with this, but it all has to come out eventually.
Energylandia deserves a second chance, and that's exactly what I'm doing this September. It deserves me going in with a fresh new mindset, and then perhaps I could enjoy my day a little bit more.

Tomorrow - the major coasters on offer

 

[Rob Coasters]

The first unique ride of value on offer here was #384 Formula, a new-age Vekoma launch coaster not entirely dissimilar to Fonix at Farup Sommerland. Not being the biggest fan of Fonix due to its lack of forces and a bit of an unsatisfying ending despite its incredible rerideability, I wanted to see if my feelings were validated amongst all of them. The ride starts with a punchy launch into a neat little sidewinder before performing most of the same of what Fonix does. The ride feeling a little too refined is a thought that stays with me, but at the same time I'm considering if I'm a little too harshly critiquing these things. They sacrifice greyout-inducing forces in favour of a supremely smooth ride experience and I think I'm starting to forgive them a little for it. The ride model begins to excite me rather than outright bore me now, Lech Coaster climbs higher up the priority list however I remain cautious on Abyssus which was not part of the park's winter lineup today.



I have my battles with #385 Zadra, which fell comedically short of what I wanted it to be - while yes, I get it, it runs slowly in the cold, and rides from this manufacturer are severely affected by temperature, I have my reasons to believe that Zadra is not even close to even a sniff of its "best in the world" status - I wholeheartedly think that most people saw "big RMC", assumed greatness by default, and refused to question that narrative.


The ride opens with a surprisingly underwhelming first drop for something over 200 feet tall, followed by a turnaround that lacks any real impact. The much-anticipated Zero-G Stall ends up being one of the weakest I’ve experienced: too brief to savour the hangtime, yet too fast to deliver anything else of note. My favourite stalls are taken slowly like on Voltron, but with a ride like Zadra it feels like "we flipped you upside down because we could". Immediately after is a twist to the left and a twist to the right, I'm not sure what to call it, but it's the fourth element in a row to fall flat on its face.


Thankfully the ride picks up in the second half, with a great ejector airtime hill flowing into a slick roll into the structure, where the ride really begins to shine with some whippy tight twists followed by brief pops of airtime before the finale. Zadra only starts to get good when it ends, and it's unfortunate how it has immensely more bark than bite, but I do have solidified plans to return later this month when the ride is running hopefully at its intended speed.



#386 Hyperion I had higher hopes for from the very start. Starting off my rides in the back row however, the coaster proved to be yet another letdown, as while at the time it became my new tallest and fastest roller coaster I'd ridden, I wasn't able to concentrate on anything but the jolts & rattles that my row of choice provided me with. A shame, because the airtime was otherwise masterfully done with a powerful first drop to kick things off beautifully.



"No... it can't be", I thought to myself. So I went for the front row, and that's where Hyperion revealed its true self and suddenly everything clicked. Gone were the woes of the shaky seats, we had none of that silliness there. The opening drop into that impossibly tight tunnel became one of the best moments I’ve ever experienced on a ride, the massive airtime hill delivered perfection, and the dive loop that followed elevated the sensation of speed into something almost heavenly.


I've never felt this fast on any roller coaster in my entire life. The speed I felt was otherworldly, chaos, insanity, truly at the mercy of this giant rocket powered machine that would never let up. Smashing through supports and tearing past the structure, the rest of the layout kept this jaw-dropping supersonic pacing until it ended as it stunned me into silence, opening my mouth but failing to scream.


Storm - The Dragon Legend and Stealth introduced me to just how much I love "fast". And this coaster is nothing but fast. From the drop into the tunnel being one of the downright scariest moments of any roller coaster for me (are we going to fit into that tunnel or crash and die?), to the dive loop through the colossal steel beams, to another word for blistering past everything at lightning pace, Hyperion became my favourite roller coaster in the world. It didn't just meet expectations, it redefined them.

And then I rode it at night.



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I began to really enjoy my day at Energylandia a lot more when all of the pointless trash was clean, done, dusted and out of my way and all I had to do was lap all of my favourite rides. The only non-coaster I rode was Monster House, which was hilarious as you really think to yourself "how can a ride be so bad". I'm excited to give this park another go later this month.