Last week my band did a UK tour with another band. Tormentingly, we drove past many beloved brown road signs for theme parks without stopping.
I knew I could only convince the 7 other people in the van to visit one park, so I wanted to make sure it would be the most impressive, magical park the UK has to offer. After a lot of consideration, I realised it was a no-brainer to visit the infamous Alto....Wicksteed Park!
We pulled up to the man in parking booth, who cunningly decided to wait until we had paid the extortionate parking fee to inform us that half the attractions weren't open. But it makes sense considering it's was a sunny Saturday in April - I'm sure most UK parks didn't open their rides either, given those abhorrent conditions.
The grounds of Wicksteed are fairly big, and they have been evenly divided into different sub-genres of park.
(See Pie Chart below)
Seriously, the car park is about 10 times larger than the amusement areas. :/
Four of us bought ride wristbands, whilst the other four decided not to bother - just in case they had an allergic reaction to fun.
We named ourselves the W.B.C. - Wrist Band Crew
Then we set about conquering the vast amount of attractions on offer. First, the honey pot flat ride, which had this saucy fellow atop:
The log flume, which small and short, but still the most exciting ride in the park.
I noticed the, err, big cred (a Pinfari RC40) wasn't running, so I asked a member of staff why. Apparently it was "too windy;" despite there being no wind whatsoever. (Unless Darren and Ian were in the area, generating a different kind of wind?!)
From this it seems like Wicksteed are the theme park equivalent of the kid that keeps Star Wars figurines in their original packaging. "We best not open our crappy roller coaster, it may lose its value!" "Rollercoasters should be seen and not ridden!" (These are a few sneak previews of the quotes on the front of Wicksteed's 2015 park leaflet.)
I rode the ladybug cred, and did the Go-Karts - but I got scared and came last, again.
Those things feel like they're going to tip over on every corner!
We tried to find some chips to eat, but it was evidently too windy to serve chips, so we had to make do with crisps and chocolate. Hmm, nutritious!
Then I rode a massive cock.
Wandered round the Arboretum, which had no trees - just bushes. It certainly put the 'bore' into 'arboretum.'
Pirate Ship, Dodge Thems and Rockin Tug (ooh!) followed. Before we discovered the 2 best attractions of Wicksteed:
1. This slide <3
2. The Laser Tag game (which doesn't have an up charge!)
I particularly liked Laser Tag because I won all of the 3 games we played.
It started to rain, so we decided to leave. Since the big coaster didn't open during the nice sunny morning, it only made sense that they opened it in the rain. Cue: me hopping back out the van and running to get the cred. It was mediocre(d).
The end.
I knew I could only convince the 7 other people in the van to visit one park, so I wanted to make sure it would be the most impressive, magical park the UK has to offer. After a lot of consideration, I realised it was a no-brainer to visit the infamous Alto....Wicksteed Park!
We pulled up to the man in parking booth, who cunningly decided to wait until we had paid the extortionate parking fee to inform us that half the attractions weren't open. But it makes sense considering it's was a sunny Saturday in April - I'm sure most UK parks didn't open their rides either, given those abhorrent conditions.
The grounds of Wicksteed are fairly big, and they have been evenly divided into different sub-genres of park.
(See Pie Chart below)
Seriously, the car park is about 10 times larger than the amusement areas. :/
Four of us bought ride wristbands, whilst the other four decided not to bother - just in case they had an allergic reaction to fun.
We named ourselves the W.B.C. - Wrist Band Crew
Then we set about conquering the vast amount of attractions on offer. First, the honey pot flat ride, which had this saucy fellow atop:
The log flume, which small and short, but still the most exciting ride in the park.
I noticed the, err, big cred (a Pinfari RC40) wasn't running, so I asked a member of staff why. Apparently it was "too windy;" despite there being no wind whatsoever. (Unless Darren and Ian were in the area, generating a different kind of wind?!)
From this it seems like Wicksteed are the theme park equivalent of the kid that keeps Star Wars figurines in their original packaging. "We best not open our crappy roller coaster, it may lose its value!" "Rollercoasters should be seen and not ridden!" (These are a few sneak previews of the quotes on the front of Wicksteed's 2015 park leaflet.)
I rode the ladybug cred, and did the Go-Karts - but I got scared and came last, again.
Those things feel like they're going to tip over on every corner!We tried to find some chips to eat, but it was evidently too windy to serve chips, so we had to make do with crisps and chocolate. Hmm, nutritious!
Then I rode a massive cock.
Wandered round the Arboretum, which had no trees - just bushes. It certainly put the 'bore' into 'arboretum.'
Pirate Ship, Dodge Thems and Rockin Tug (ooh!) followed. Before we discovered the 2 best attractions of Wicksteed:
1. This slide <3
2. The Laser Tag game (which doesn't have an up charge!)
I particularly liked Laser Tag because I won all of the 3 games we played.
It started to rain, so we decided to leave. Since the big coaster didn't open during the nice sunny morning, it only made sense that they opened it in the rain. Cue: me hopping back out the van and running to get the cred. It was mediocre(d).
The end.
