Mysterious Sue
Strata Poster
A free weekend during a really hot June? Well what else is a coaster enthusiast to do but plan a huge impromptu cred run!
Like many of us in the UK, I have quite a number of kiddie creds that need crossing off, dotted along far-flung arms of the coastline. However, no other park inspires quite a groan as Flambards during planning. It’s been lingering there for years – that red spot on Coaster Count that’s just beyond reach of an ordinary weekend trip from London. This time, I thought, I’m getting the bastard! So a few of us got together and began to compare Excel spread sheets. Annoyingly, it soon became clear that between us, we needed to visit EVERY SINGLE South Coast park. Bugger! Well I thought, if we’re going to do it, we might as well go for it and see how much we can squeeze in. And so it was that the Ultimate Cred Run was born – no ordinary weekend trip organised by sane people who like to intersperse culture with creds. No trip for people who like to get their money’s worth at a park, or for people who hate being cramped in a car for long periods of time. Cornwall, Devon, Somerset, West Sussex?, err..those bits no one is quite sure where it is…here we come!
It’s worth mentioning that I am not the best at time-keeping in general. In fact, I’m kind of known for the opposite. But I like to think that I can pull it out of my arse when I need to and I was buoyed by the success of last year’s Gullivers cred run. With this in mind, I planned an itinerary down to the second, with nine parks over the Saturday and Sunday and a total of 17 potential creds. It would be an 18 hour round trip – this was going to require one hell of a playlist! In the end, there weren’t many takers as it seemed everyone was on holiday in June, but JayJay and Mike were stupid enough to come on board and some other CFers joined us along the way.
So Mike came to mine after work on the Friday and pretty soon we were escaping London M3-bound to collect JayJay from Basingstoke. Then it was the long trip down to our lodge that night in Newquay. As the miles and miles, and even more miles went past, we swapped towns for fields, people for sheep, motorways for single lane roads and civilised tourist attractions for those with ‘farm’ in the name. The ride went quite fast thanks to the traditional lively catch up and new cred discussions, the debate over what was and wasn’t a cred on the trip, JayJay getting his first ever view of Stonehenge, the inevitable pub stop, and me trying to teach Mike about the origins of indie music XD. Annoyingly, as soon as we hit Cornwall a fog came down and didn’t really lift until we retreated from Cornwall the next day; perhaps they were trying to tell us something. I haven’t been back to Newquay for years (not since someone tried to charge me a £100 deposit for a bit of grass on a camping pitch - I’ve never really gotten over that). But no time to admire our surroundings as we followed the old enthusiast’s adage ‘beds before creds’.
Morning came and another hour in the car brought us to the hugely anticipated Flambards. The park opened at 10am but I’d been reliably informed by Trip Advisor and other goons that the cred didn’t open till 11. So we planned to meet up with Dave (the poor lone Cornish goon – we feel your pain Dave) and have an hour mooching about the fabled ‘Victorian Village’ before it was cred o’clock. Sadly, a wrong turn and a stint behind a tractor meant we didn’t get there till quarter past, but that was still plenty of time for a park the size of Flambards. The man on the door seemed very happy to see some visitors and kindly took our (very blurry) photo on the way in.
The Victorian Village is inside a big building at the front of the park and is thoroughly and completely weird coupled with all kinds of terrifying. Lifeless waxworks loom out at you from recesses and children with dead eyes stare at you from tableaus that look like they are about to spring to life at any second. The sets are dark and there is no music but, instead, ominous noises and voices follow you round just out of hearing. This is all supposed to set the scene I guess, but the whole thing makes you feel like you’re inside a Christmas episode of Dr Who, before he’s shown up to save you.
Having wandered through the creepy as **** sets, the Victorian Village suddenly turned into a million different things at once – a motorbike museum, a concord replica, memorabilia on the development of aviation, and a cabinet of old-timey weapons. There were a few paths – we chose the option that took us via a life-size WWII trench into a quite convincing mock-up of blitz-sieged London, complete with destroyed buildings, air raid sirens and more terrifying mannequins. It was actually very good and I can image every schoolchild in 100 miles has been brought here at some stage.
Emerging from the weirdness then, we had a look round the rest of the park. There was the new pendulum ride, which Dave informed us had been transported here and constructed using only local firms. This sounds lovely, but perhaps might explain why it was still in pieces. Looks a substantial purchase though and is definitely a good move for the park. Would have loved to have seen that being delivered down the single lane road to the entrance! Suddenly, a cred was spied testing and we hurried over to the record-breaking coaster.
Now I know I’m supposed to be a lovey-dovey hippie these days and like all animals but honestly, if you were going to theme a coaster after anything, would you really pick a hornet?! What were they thinking? The cred itself was a nice way to start the weekend - a good length layout and some decent speed for a kiddie cred. Dave warned us about the breaks at the end but I still wasn’t prepared enough. This also completes my set of the Hornet, Zierer model. Yay! We ran back round for another go and the ride-op let us stay on for a third ride. After that, we said out goodbyes to Dave (thanks for having us, even if it was short) and hastily hurried off in search of the next park.
An hour away was Camel Creek. I’d already visited this park on the Camping and Coasters CF Live a few years ago and I wasn’t about to repeat the experience. It’s probably one of the most expensive visits out there at £20 entry for one cred! Back then the place was owned by Crealy and I can only hope that whoever it’s gone to puts a bit of investment in the place. I stayed in the car and kept the engine running while the boys hot-footed it to the very Cornish-sounding cred, Morgawr. They confirmed that the park was still just a cred and some sheds so I didn’t feel like I’d missed much. Just fifteen minutes after we’d pulled in, we were away again.
Milky Way was the other park that we visited on the previous Live and I remember loving it, thinking it was really kookie and that the staff were lovely. It seems nothing has changed as we paid our entrance fee and had a chat with the lovely guy on the gate who seemed genuinely interested, if perplexed, by our coaster counting endeavours. The quick stop at Camel Creek had put us back on track for the itinerary and we arrived bang on the allotted time of 1.45, only to find however, that the creds shut at 2pm for lunch. Opps! Oh well, we had scheduled a whole luxurious hour here so went off in search of food ourselves. First up, we stumbled thorough a Dr Who room lit up with an ominous green light. Then followed a room filled with Star Wars models which were on loan from a collector as a charity thing. How fab! Small UK parks have some of the weirdest things.
Onwards! We walked through a shed that contained the amazing indoor dodgems (and a side room with a farming implement exhibition of course) and came out into an area with a giant kids play area, the canteens and finally, the outdoor creds. I had a jacket potato with a side of chips because driving requires all of the carbs. We ate with one eye on the ride-ops and as soon as they finished their lunch, we stalked them out to the creds.
First up was the rather minimalist Zyklon (DPV, not Pinfari!) Cosmic Typhoon. It was fine, my knee caps will forgive me one day. Then it was time to ring the shame bell for Cosmic Caterpillar. We needed to get used to that sound as the shame bell would ring many more times this weekend before the South Coast was done with us. Here started a common theme for the rest of the trip of push starts and trains overshooting the station – perhaps we all need to go on a diet?
We had a quick mooch over to the train viewing platform - couldn't help thinking it wasn't quite as exciting as Old MacDonald's M25 viewing platform.
Retreating from the continuing drizzle then, we hurried back into the dry. We couldn’t resist a quick whirl on the indoor dodgems which really are some of the best I’ve done. The cycle is long, it speeds up half way round and it’s in the dark with proper old school flashing lights and loud music. Dodgem heaven! Having royally battered each other, we were in good spirits as we entered the queue for Clone Zone. I had the privilege of a track walk on my last visit here but I had managed to keep the ride’s secrets quiet for the other two newbies. It was still just as amazing as I remember and I enjoyed watching the guy’s faces as the queue went from WTF? To WOW! to ‘haha what the hell, when did Nemesis happen?’ in two minutes. Part horror walk though, part children’s playground, part B&Q warehouse, this is, in my opinion, the best themed ride on a budget of them all. Viva Clone Zone! The ride itself is a bit short but it’s still fun in a home-made, kitsch sci-fi way. The boys were baffled as we slid/crawled out of the exit but seemed to still be smiling.
With that, we ran back to the car for the 15 minute journey to Big Sheep where Will was waiting for us. We were a little late but needn’t have worried as Will was chatting to the friendly lady on the desk about the current state of the cred which had been incapacitated due to rain. After a phone call and reassurance that it was about to be re-opened, we paid our entry fee and headed over to Rampage (or is it called The Big One? They seem slightly confused). There appeared to be a welly festival going on with brightly-coloured wellies all over the place. Not sure what the festival involved, welly throwing presumably?
We were walking up to the cred when, suddenly, a lady came running over and we thought for a moment ‘oh dear, are we about to be turfed out for not having kids or something?’ As it turns out, it was quite the opposite. She’d found out (thanks to Will’s oversharing at the front desk) that we were enthusiasts and told us we could all go get a refund on our exit. Amazing stuff! Thanks very much Big Sheep. The cred finally opened and we took our seats. It’s huge and green and odd and the signage has puns that Serena would be proud of. I’m assuming the layout made much more sense in the cred’s original location but it seems to stick out from the landscape here like a bit of plastic riding a wave. And just how long is that train?
Anyway, it was smooth and fun and we were soon going down the leaving ramp when some of the other staff came over to ask if we were the weird coaster people who had come here just to ride this. News obviously travels fast in small parks! Overall, a very cute park and great for families with lots of humour and kookiness. Why does the arse end of nowhere get two amazing little parks right next to each other and we get crappy Old MacDonald’s Farm? Seems rather unfair. Refunds and thank yous later, we were getting itchy feet about making Animal Farm Adventure Park.
Pretty sure that the Animal Farm website said the place closed at 5pm but Will had rung them and made sure they were open to 6.30pm and that we could get in after the last official entry of 4pm. Fab. But it would still be tight and we ended up racing each other down the motorway pushing three figures with cred anxiety. The things we do for creds! Animal Farm was dead. We were the only people there so I’m kind of inclined to think they kept the place open for us (so I better not be too mean). Have to say though that the theming and ride selection left a lot to the imagination. There were some (rather too small for my liking) animal cages, a home-made roundabout mid-way through construction, a very kiddie water ride and the cred.
The ride-ops walked us over and opened up the cred just for us. ‘Shame’ rang the bell, very loudly across the empty park. Again, more friendly quizzing from ride-ops about just what the hell we were doing with our lives. We left them to go home to their dinners but the day wasn’t over for us yet.
I have had the no-so-delightful pleasure of visiting Brean three times now. Haven’t you all got the damn creds yet? Snuggled between Billing Aquadrome and Bobbejaanland as places beginning with ‘B’ I’d rather not return to, Brean unapologetically mixes the post-apocalyptic theme with Skeggy’s traveller vibe and ghetto market stalls. Having said that, it’s open till 9pm and near the Welsh border so I guess it’s a kind of unavoidable enthusiast crossroads. I wanted to re-ride the four-man bob (that only seats three) because, as I’ve established, I don’t like my knees and because I have a thing for indoor space themes. JayJay needed some of the other creds, Mike another, and Will wanted to ride the ghost train. Well in for a penny, in for a pound – I just went with it and did the lot. The rest of the creds were forgettable but the ghost train is still fab - thoroughly recommend it for the sheer number of scares that come thick and fast.
And that was it for day one. There was a short drive to Western-Super-Mare and a hunt for the travelling cred that couldn’t be found in June, as well as great food at The Landing Light pub (must remember Marston’s chain is good) – harissa paste baked aubergine ummm. After saying our goodbyes to Will, we headed down to our Travelodge in Wellington, Somerset (strategically placed half way between Animal Farm and tomorrow’s Crealy in case we missed things and needed to backtrack). Sleep was very much welcome that night.
Next day, we were still enthusiastic having had so much gone to plan. We were ready to tackle all that the UK’s little parks (and Glastonbury weekend traffic) had to offer us. First up, as the sun began to shine, was Crealy Devon. Annoyingly, they had gained a new cred since my last visit so I couldn’t wait in the car like last time. Much better value for money than the other ex-Crealy though, with a large number of kiddie rides including the three creds. Twister was up first, the new SBF Visa spinner. I was a little impressed as I was expecting one of the titchy ones and it was actually a decent size and even had its own over-dramatic music in the queueline. What are those cars though? Up the hill was Maximus, the RCT-style, Roman train(?)-themed cred. Anyway, it’s quite cute and had a short queue. Then it was time to ring the shame bell once more for the indoor Shark Trip kiddie cred. The ride op taunted us but I just think he was bitter that the park had made him work in the ocean-themed building because he looked a bit like a walrus. Crealy was better than I remember it. I think last time, I had dragged round one of my non-goon friends and found the whole thing a bit embarrassing. Not much else of note to ride so we left Crealy behind for Dawlish.
JayJay was getting excited on approach because Dawlish has a train track that runs alongside the seafront and he gave us an education about the Brunel Sea Wall. Fab. I’d never been to Dawlish before and it was very cute – a perfect little seaside town that hasn’t yet succumbed to the seediness that plagues most of the UK’s costal resorts. Totally coming back here one day for non-goon purposes. Anyway, Funder Park wasn’t on Google Maps and at one point I took what I thought was a wrong turn towards Dawlish Warren before doubling back into the main town. It wasn’t until after I’d parked up and spend £4 on parking that we realised the cred is, in fact, in Dawlish Warren after all. Boo. Back up the road and we found the cute little Funder Park glistening and colourful in the sunshine. On one tiny patch of ground they’d crammed several rides and they all looked nice and new and clean. There went the shame bell again for the mysteriously named Wacky Warm. A pint on it being a mistranslation when being made in China.
One and done and it was time for the longest ‘inter-park’ drive of the trip. Traffic was not being kind, however, and we sat for a while on the motorway before finally calling time on Weymouth. If anything was going to get spited this trip, it was always going to be Weymouth. We’d arranged special entry at the next park, Adventure Wonderland, which usually only allows in adults with kids and we needed to be there by 4pm. Also, Weymouth snails is a very debatable cred XD.
Two hours or so later and we rocked up at Adventure Wonderland. I don’t know why but I’d always just assumed it was on the beach near Bournemouth. Err no. It’s actually inland in an odd place, smack bang next to the fence of Bournemouth airport. How odd. The cred is just inside the gate and after showing our emails to the lady on the gate and getting another free entry (thanks so much), we nipped in, got the cred and was out again in five minutes. No idea what the rest of the park was like. It looked ok if you have kids. The cred has a dog statue peeing up it because, why not, eh?
That was supposed to be the end of the planned trip but we decided to see if we could cram anything else in just in case. As it turned out, Clarence Pier and Hayling Island didn’t shut till 8/9pm and were sort of in the direction home. It was on! After another pub stop, obviously.
I think that Clarence Pier is secretly quite fab. It doesn’t hold much weight as a pier, but the cred can be seen for ages along the drive in and makes quite the goon landmark on the horizon next to the Spinnaker Tower. Having got the creds already, I stood and watched the delighted faces of the boys as they rode yet another Pinfari and kiddie cred. The ride op tried to put us off the kiddie at first but as soon as we coughed up to being enthusiasts, he just laughed at us and told us the tale of some German goons he had once had visit.
And what a way to finish then with the ever delightfully bleak Hayling Island. At least it had free parking and a Super Dragon which are cute and have a tiny amount of airtime. The kiddie cred that I’d tried and failed to get on two separate occasions before had finally gone so I got to sit out on the creds again and be smug.
And that was it!
The long trek back was interspersed with Disney sing-a-longs, cheesy 80s music and cred-based car games, as it should be. A grand total of 11 parks in two days. Western-Super-Mare was closed and Weymouth was skipped but the bonus Clarence and Hayling helped us to beat our original plans and end up on 20 creds! Just six new for me but it was worth the effort and well, it’s not about the creds really is it? We all had a laugh.
So who’s up for the next one? Scotland anyone?
Like many of us in the UK, I have quite a number of kiddie creds that need crossing off, dotted along far-flung arms of the coastline. However, no other park inspires quite a groan as Flambards during planning. It’s been lingering there for years – that red spot on Coaster Count that’s just beyond reach of an ordinary weekend trip from London. This time, I thought, I’m getting the bastard! So a few of us got together and began to compare Excel spread sheets. Annoyingly, it soon became clear that between us, we needed to visit EVERY SINGLE South Coast park. Bugger! Well I thought, if we’re going to do it, we might as well go for it and see how much we can squeeze in. And so it was that the Ultimate Cred Run was born – no ordinary weekend trip organised by sane people who like to intersperse culture with creds. No trip for people who like to get their money’s worth at a park, or for people who hate being cramped in a car for long periods of time. Cornwall, Devon, Somerset, West Sussex?, err..those bits no one is quite sure where it is…here we come!
It’s worth mentioning that I am not the best at time-keeping in general. In fact, I’m kind of known for the opposite. But I like to think that I can pull it out of my arse when I need to and I was buoyed by the success of last year’s Gullivers cred run. With this in mind, I planned an itinerary down to the second, with nine parks over the Saturday and Sunday and a total of 17 potential creds. It would be an 18 hour round trip – this was going to require one hell of a playlist! In the end, there weren’t many takers as it seemed everyone was on holiday in June, but JayJay and Mike were stupid enough to come on board and some other CFers joined us along the way.
So Mike came to mine after work on the Friday and pretty soon we were escaping London M3-bound to collect JayJay from Basingstoke. Then it was the long trip down to our lodge that night in Newquay. As the miles and miles, and even more miles went past, we swapped towns for fields, people for sheep, motorways for single lane roads and civilised tourist attractions for those with ‘farm’ in the name. The ride went quite fast thanks to the traditional lively catch up and new cred discussions, the debate over what was and wasn’t a cred on the trip, JayJay getting his first ever view of Stonehenge, the inevitable pub stop, and me trying to teach Mike about the origins of indie music XD. Annoyingly, as soon as we hit Cornwall a fog came down and didn’t really lift until we retreated from Cornwall the next day; perhaps they were trying to tell us something. I haven’t been back to Newquay for years (not since someone tried to charge me a £100 deposit for a bit of grass on a camping pitch - I’ve never really gotten over that). But no time to admire our surroundings as we followed the old enthusiast’s adage ‘beds before creds’.
Morning came and another hour in the car brought us to the hugely anticipated Flambards. The park opened at 10am but I’d been reliably informed by Trip Advisor and other goons that the cred didn’t open till 11. So we planned to meet up with Dave (the poor lone Cornish goon – we feel your pain Dave) and have an hour mooching about the fabled ‘Victorian Village’ before it was cred o’clock. Sadly, a wrong turn and a stint behind a tractor meant we didn’t get there till quarter past, but that was still plenty of time for a park the size of Flambards. The man on the door seemed very happy to see some visitors and kindly took our (very blurry) photo on the way in.
The Victorian Village is inside a big building at the front of the park and is thoroughly and completely weird coupled with all kinds of terrifying. Lifeless waxworks loom out at you from recesses and children with dead eyes stare at you from tableaus that look like they are about to spring to life at any second. The sets are dark and there is no music but, instead, ominous noises and voices follow you round just out of hearing. This is all supposed to set the scene I guess, but the whole thing makes you feel like you’re inside a Christmas episode of Dr Who, before he’s shown up to save you.
Having wandered through the creepy as **** sets, the Victorian Village suddenly turned into a million different things at once – a motorbike museum, a concord replica, memorabilia on the development of aviation, and a cabinet of old-timey weapons. There were a few paths – we chose the option that took us via a life-size WWII trench into a quite convincing mock-up of blitz-sieged London, complete with destroyed buildings, air raid sirens and more terrifying mannequins. It was actually very good and I can image every schoolchild in 100 miles has been brought here at some stage.
Emerging from the weirdness then, we had a look round the rest of the park. There was the new pendulum ride, which Dave informed us had been transported here and constructed using only local firms. This sounds lovely, but perhaps might explain why it was still in pieces. Looks a substantial purchase though and is definitely a good move for the park. Would have loved to have seen that being delivered down the single lane road to the entrance! Suddenly, a cred was spied testing and we hurried over to the record-breaking coaster.
Now I know I’m supposed to be a lovey-dovey hippie these days and like all animals but honestly, if you were going to theme a coaster after anything, would you really pick a hornet?! What were they thinking? The cred itself was a nice way to start the weekend - a good length layout and some decent speed for a kiddie cred. Dave warned us about the breaks at the end but I still wasn’t prepared enough. This also completes my set of the Hornet, Zierer model. Yay! We ran back round for another go and the ride-op let us stay on for a third ride. After that, we said out goodbyes to Dave (thanks for having us, even if it was short) and hastily hurried off in search of the next park.
An hour away was Camel Creek. I’d already visited this park on the Camping and Coasters CF Live a few years ago and I wasn’t about to repeat the experience. It’s probably one of the most expensive visits out there at £20 entry for one cred! Back then the place was owned by Crealy and I can only hope that whoever it’s gone to puts a bit of investment in the place. I stayed in the car and kept the engine running while the boys hot-footed it to the very Cornish-sounding cred, Morgawr. They confirmed that the park was still just a cred and some sheds so I didn’t feel like I’d missed much. Just fifteen minutes after we’d pulled in, we were away again.
Milky Way was the other park that we visited on the previous Live and I remember loving it, thinking it was really kookie and that the staff were lovely. It seems nothing has changed as we paid our entrance fee and had a chat with the lovely guy on the gate who seemed genuinely interested, if perplexed, by our coaster counting endeavours. The quick stop at Camel Creek had put us back on track for the itinerary and we arrived bang on the allotted time of 1.45, only to find however, that the creds shut at 2pm for lunch. Opps! Oh well, we had scheduled a whole luxurious hour here so went off in search of food ourselves. First up, we stumbled thorough a Dr Who room lit up with an ominous green light. Then followed a room filled with Star Wars models which were on loan from a collector as a charity thing. How fab! Small UK parks have some of the weirdest things.
Onwards! We walked through a shed that contained the amazing indoor dodgems (and a side room with a farming implement exhibition of course) and came out into an area with a giant kids play area, the canteens and finally, the outdoor creds. I had a jacket potato with a side of chips because driving requires all of the carbs. We ate with one eye on the ride-ops and as soon as they finished their lunch, we stalked them out to the creds.
First up was the rather minimalist Zyklon (DPV, not Pinfari!) Cosmic Typhoon. It was fine, my knee caps will forgive me one day. Then it was time to ring the shame bell for Cosmic Caterpillar. We needed to get used to that sound as the shame bell would ring many more times this weekend before the South Coast was done with us. Here started a common theme for the rest of the trip of push starts and trains overshooting the station – perhaps we all need to go on a diet?
We had a quick mooch over to the train viewing platform - couldn't help thinking it wasn't quite as exciting as Old MacDonald's M25 viewing platform.
Retreating from the continuing drizzle then, we hurried back into the dry. We couldn’t resist a quick whirl on the indoor dodgems which really are some of the best I’ve done. The cycle is long, it speeds up half way round and it’s in the dark with proper old school flashing lights and loud music. Dodgem heaven! Having royally battered each other, we were in good spirits as we entered the queue for Clone Zone. I had the privilege of a track walk on my last visit here but I had managed to keep the ride’s secrets quiet for the other two newbies. It was still just as amazing as I remember and I enjoyed watching the guy’s faces as the queue went from WTF? To WOW! to ‘haha what the hell, when did Nemesis happen?’ in two minutes. Part horror walk though, part children’s playground, part B&Q warehouse, this is, in my opinion, the best themed ride on a budget of them all. Viva Clone Zone! The ride itself is a bit short but it’s still fun in a home-made, kitsch sci-fi way. The boys were baffled as we slid/crawled out of the exit but seemed to still be smiling.
With that, we ran back to the car for the 15 minute journey to Big Sheep where Will was waiting for us. We were a little late but needn’t have worried as Will was chatting to the friendly lady on the desk about the current state of the cred which had been incapacitated due to rain. After a phone call and reassurance that it was about to be re-opened, we paid our entry fee and headed over to Rampage (or is it called The Big One? They seem slightly confused). There appeared to be a welly festival going on with brightly-coloured wellies all over the place. Not sure what the festival involved, welly throwing presumably?
We were walking up to the cred when, suddenly, a lady came running over and we thought for a moment ‘oh dear, are we about to be turfed out for not having kids or something?’ As it turns out, it was quite the opposite. She’d found out (thanks to Will’s oversharing at the front desk) that we were enthusiasts and told us we could all go get a refund on our exit. Amazing stuff! Thanks very much Big Sheep. The cred finally opened and we took our seats. It’s huge and green and odd and the signage has puns that Serena would be proud of. I’m assuming the layout made much more sense in the cred’s original location but it seems to stick out from the landscape here like a bit of plastic riding a wave. And just how long is that train?
Anyway, it was smooth and fun and we were soon going down the leaving ramp when some of the other staff came over to ask if we were the weird coaster people who had come here just to ride this. News obviously travels fast in small parks! Overall, a very cute park and great for families with lots of humour and kookiness. Why does the arse end of nowhere get two amazing little parks right next to each other and we get crappy Old MacDonald’s Farm? Seems rather unfair. Refunds and thank yous later, we were getting itchy feet about making Animal Farm Adventure Park.
Pretty sure that the Animal Farm website said the place closed at 5pm but Will had rung them and made sure they were open to 6.30pm and that we could get in after the last official entry of 4pm. Fab. But it would still be tight and we ended up racing each other down the motorway pushing three figures with cred anxiety. The things we do for creds! Animal Farm was dead. We were the only people there so I’m kind of inclined to think they kept the place open for us (so I better not be too mean). Have to say though that the theming and ride selection left a lot to the imagination. There were some (rather too small for my liking) animal cages, a home-made roundabout mid-way through construction, a very kiddie water ride and the cred.
The ride-ops walked us over and opened up the cred just for us. ‘Shame’ rang the bell, very loudly across the empty park. Again, more friendly quizzing from ride-ops about just what the hell we were doing with our lives. We left them to go home to their dinners but the day wasn’t over for us yet.
I have had the no-so-delightful pleasure of visiting Brean three times now. Haven’t you all got the damn creds yet? Snuggled between Billing Aquadrome and Bobbejaanland as places beginning with ‘B’ I’d rather not return to, Brean unapologetically mixes the post-apocalyptic theme with Skeggy’s traveller vibe and ghetto market stalls. Having said that, it’s open till 9pm and near the Welsh border so I guess it’s a kind of unavoidable enthusiast crossroads. I wanted to re-ride the four-man bob (that only seats three) because, as I’ve established, I don’t like my knees and because I have a thing for indoor space themes. JayJay needed some of the other creds, Mike another, and Will wanted to ride the ghost train. Well in for a penny, in for a pound – I just went with it and did the lot. The rest of the creds were forgettable but the ghost train is still fab - thoroughly recommend it for the sheer number of scares that come thick and fast.
And that was it for day one. There was a short drive to Western-Super-Mare and a hunt for the travelling cred that couldn’t be found in June, as well as great food at The Landing Light pub (must remember Marston’s chain is good) – harissa paste baked aubergine ummm. After saying our goodbyes to Will, we headed down to our Travelodge in Wellington, Somerset (strategically placed half way between Animal Farm and tomorrow’s Crealy in case we missed things and needed to backtrack). Sleep was very much welcome that night.
Next day, we were still enthusiastic having had so much gone to plan. We were ready to tackle all that the UK’s little parks (and Glastonbury weekend traffic) had to offer us. First up, as the sun began to shine, was Crealy Devon. Annoyingly, they had gained a new cred since my last visit so I couldn’t wait in the car like last time. Much better value for money than the other ex-Crealy though, with a large number of kiddie rides including the three creds. Twister was up first, the new SBF Visa spinner. I was a little impressed as I was expecting one of the titchy ones and it was actually a decent size and even had its own over-dramatic music in the queueline. What are those cars though? Up the hill was Maximus, the RCT-style, Roman train(?)-themed cred. Anyway, it’s quite cute and had a short queue. Then it was time to ring the shame bell once more for the indoor Shark Trip kiddie cred. The ride op taunted us but I just think he was bitter that the park had made him work in the ocean-themed building because he looked a bit like a walrus. Crealy was better than I remember it. I think last time, I had dragged round one of my non-goon friends and found the whole thing a bit embarrassing. Not much else of note to ride so we left Crealy behind for Dawlish.
JayJay was getting excited on approach because Dawlish has a train track that runs alongside the seafront and he gave us an education about the Brunel Sea Wall. Fab. I’d never been to Dawlish before and it was very cute – a perfect little seaside town that hasn’t yet succumbed to the seediness that plagues most of the UK’s costal resorts. Totally coming back here one day for non-goon purposes. Anyway, Funder Park wasn’t on Google Maps and at one point I took what I thought was a wrong turn towards Dawlish Warren before doubling back into the main town. It wasn’t until after I’d parked up and spend £4 on parking that we realised the cred is, in fact, in Dawlish Warren after all. Boo. Back up the road and we found the cute little Funder Park glistening and colourful in the sunshine. On one tiny patch of ground they’d crammed several rides and they all looked nice and new and clean. There went the shame bell again for the mysteriously named Wacky Warm. A pint on it being a mistranslation when being made in China.
One and done and it was time for the longest ‘inter-park’ drive of the trip. Traffic was not being kind, however, and we sat for a while on the motorway before finally calling time on Weymouth. If anything was going to get spited this trip, it was always going to be Weymouth. We’d arranged special entry at the next park, Adventure Wonderland, which usually only allows in adults with kids and we needed to be there by 4pm. Also, Weymouth snails is a very debatable cred XD.
Two hours or so later and we rocked up at Adventure Wonderland. I don’t know why but I’d always just assumed it was on the beach near Bournemouth. Err no. It’s actually inland in an odd place, smack bang next to the fence of Bournemouth airport. How odd. The cred is just inside the gate and after showing our emails to the lady on the gate and getting another free entry (thanks so much), we nipped in, got the cred and was out again in five minutes. No idea what the rest of the park was like. It looked ok if you have kids. The cred has a dog statue peeing up it because, why not, eh?
That was supposed to be the end of the planned trip but we decided to see if we could cram anything else in just in case. As it turned out, Clarence Pier and Hayling Island didn’t shut till 8/9pm and were sort of in the direction home. It was on! After another pub stop, obviously.
I think that Clarence Pier is secretly quite fab. It doesn’t hold much weight as a pier, but the cred can be seen for ages along the drive in and makes quite the goon landmark on the horizon next to the Spinnaker Tower. Having got the creds already, I stood and watched the delighted faces of the boys as they rode yet another Pinfari and kiddie cred. The ride op tried to put us off the kiddie at first but as soon as we coughed up to being enthusiasts, he just laughed at us and told us the tale of some German goons he had once had visit.
And what a way to finish then with the ever delightfully bleak Hayling Island. At least it had free parking and a Super Dragon which are cute and have a tiny amount of airtime. The kiddie cred that I’d tried and failed to get on two separate occasions before had finally gone so I got to sit out on the creds again and be smug.
And that was it!
The long trek back was interspersed with Disney sing-a-longs, cheesy 80s music and cred-based car games, as it should be. A grand total of 11 parks in two days. Western-Super-Mare was closed and Weymouth was skipped but the bonus Clarence and Hayling helped us to beat our original plans and end up on 20 creds! Just six new for me but it was worth the effort and well, it’s not about the creds really is it? We all had a laugh.
So who’s up for the next one? Scotland anyone?
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