Remember when you were a kid and mum said "you can pick out any sweet treat you want" but the shop only had Turkish Delite and Wine Gums left?
That's how it feels to be an enthusiast in the UK right now. We can finally visit parks again! Sweet, sugary creds! But boy, is the selection dire.
"Thanks mum" I would sigh, grabbing a packet of Werthers Original and pretending to savour them as we made our way on the 2 hour drive to Pembrokeshire, Wales.
It's 1998, and I'm excited to ride my first wooden coaster in the form of Megafobia. It seemed so huge and amazing at the time. But alas, those were the naive, pre-enthusiast days. A foolish child I was, so easy to please. I probably would have thought an SLC was the best thing since sliced bread. *rolls eyes at former self*
So how does Oakwood hold up now, 653 creds later? Is Megafobia worth the mega long drive? Does Speed really have No Limits? Do you still need to bring a packed lunch? Fear not, reader. I have visited this hell hole in search of these answers so you don't have to!
I'd like to sum up my arrival experience with a question: Has Oakwood always looked this abandoned?!
When entering one must trek through vast fields of nothingness just to find a ride.
Oh hey! I found a ride! A water ride called Drenched! It's tall...it's steep...it's...
very much closed. Off to a great start!
Oooh here's another coaster with some sort of pumpkin themeing! It's cute...its spooky...
it's also closed.
Let's hike across the plains and see if we can find Megafobia. There is it! It looks like it's rotting! Cool!
Wow, only 10 people in front of us in the queue, shouldn't be waiting long...
...half an hour later, I board the back row. The entire train smells of mould. The operations are the slowest operations I have ever witnessed. It's truly staggering to behold the slowness.
Megafobia in the back row rides like Grand National now. Too rough to be fun.
Time to bounce back from disappointment on a new-to-me ride, the shot tower: Bounce.
Oh wait, it's closed.
What's that across the sprawling plains of emptiness? Ah yes! Why it's Speed, the UK's first Eurofighter, in all it's orange and green glory.
Speed: No Limits to give you it's full name. And yet, I must say, there are quite a few limits when you decide to run a Eurofighter on ONE TRAIN.
ONE. MEASLY. TRAIN.
The most frustrating thing about this is, Speed is a pretty good coaster! Excellent first drop, nice airtime, hilarious square corner. If, like me, you are a sadist who enjoys Eurofighters, this one has got it all!
Shame we only got to ride it once due the ride boasting a throughput of 24 people an hour.
As far as enthusiasts go, I definitely pride myself on being an enthusiastic enthusiast. Someone at Thorpe recently laughed at how "easily excited" I was to revisit Thorpe for the millionth time. But why hold back the love? I never want to be a jaded enthusiast moaning about how nowhere compares to Cedar Point. Every park is beautiful in it's own amazing / humourous / quirky / crappy way.
But Oakwood. Oakwood was really taking the wind out of my positive sails. The day was starting to feel arduous. No day at a park should feel arduous! That's a feeling I save for work, not weekends!
Redemption almost graced in the form of Waterfall. How on earth does this ride exist?! It is terrifying! It's basically an aggressive bath. I managed to not get soaked, a smugness that has remained with me since the visit.
Should we do the SkyCoaster 'Vertigo' just for something to do? Oh wait, it costs a million pounds. No thanks.
Got in another agonisingly slow queue to reride Megafobia. Managed to get front row and it wasn't as bad. It's not the best woodie in the UK though, that crown now belongs to Wickerman.
It was 2pm. Thoroughly deflated, we decided to leave the park. We actually spent longer driving to and from the park than actually in the park. And that sums up Oakwood.
It may be dire not being able to travel abroad for theme parks right now, but please don't make the same mistake I did and get so desperate that you end up revisiting Oakwood. Not visiting a park at all is better than visiting this dump.
That's how it feels to be an enthusiast in the UK right now. We can finally visit parks again! Sweet, sugary creds! But boy, is the selection dire.
"Thanks mum" I would sigh, grabbing a packet of Werthers Original and pretending to savour them as we made our way on the 2 hour drive to Pembrokeshire, Wales.
It's 1998, and I'm excited to ride my first wooden coaster in the form of Megafobia. It seemed so huge and amazing at the time. But alas, those were the naive, pre-enthusiast days. A foolish child I was, so easy to please. I probably would have thought an SLC was the best thing since sliced bread. *rolls eyes at former self*
So how does Oakwood hold up now, 653 creds later? Is Megafobia worth the mega long drive? Does Speed really have No Limits? Do you still need to bring a packed lunch? Fear not, reader. I have visited this hell hole in search of these answers so you don't have to!
I'd like to sum up my arrival experience with a question: Has Oakwood always looked this abandoned?!
When entering one must trek through vast fields of nothingness just to find a ride.
Oh hey! I found a ride! A water ride called Drenched! It's tall...it's steep...it's...
very much closed. Off to a great start!
Oooh here's another coaster with some sort of pumpkin themeing! It's cute...its spooky...
it's also closed.
Let's hike across the plains and see if we can find Megafobia. There is it! It looks like it's rotting! Cool!
Wow, only 10 people in front of us in the queue, shouldn't be waiting long...
...half an hour later, I board the back row. The entire train smells of mould. The operations are the slowest operations I have ever witnessed. It's truly staggering to behold the slowness.
Megafobia in the back row rides like Grand National now. Too rough to be fun.
Time to bounce back from disappointment on a new-to-me ride, the shot tower: Bounce.
Oh wait, it's closed.
What's that across the sprawling plains of emptiness? Ah yes! Why it's Speed, the UK's first Eurofighter, in all it's orange and green glory.
Speed: No Limits to give you it's full name. And yet, I must say, there are quite a few limits when you decide to run a Eurofighter on ONE TRAIN.
ONE. MEASLY. TRAIN.
The most frustrating thing about this is, Speed is a pretty good coaster! Excellent first drop, nice airtime, hilarious square corner. If, like me, you are a sadist who enjoys Eurofighters, this one has got it all!
Shame we only got to ride it once due the ride boasting a throughput of 24 people an hour.
As far as enthusiasts go, I definitely pride myself on being an enthusiastic enthusiast. Someone at Thorpe recently laughed at how "easily excited" I was to revisit Thorpe for the millionth time. But why hold back the love? I never want to be a jaded enthusiast moaning about how nowhere compares to Cedar Point. Every park is beautiful in it's own amazing / humourous / quirky / crappy way.
But Oakwood. Oakwood was really taking the wind out of my positive sails. The day was starting to feel arduous. No day at a park should feel arduous! That's a feeling I save for work, not weekends!
Redemption almost graced in the form of Waterfall. How on earth does this ride exist?! It is terrifying! It's basically an aggressive bath. I managed to not get soaked, a smugness that has remained with me since the visit.
Should we do the SkyCoaster 'Vertigo' just for something to do? Oh wait, it costs a million pounds. No thanks.
Got in another agonisingly slow queue to reride Megafobia. Managed to get front row and it wasn't as bad. It's not the best woodie in the UK though, that crown now belongs to Wickerman.
It was 2pm. Thoroughly deflated, we decided to leave the park. We actually spent longer driving to and from the park than actually in the park. And that sums up Oakwood.
It may be dire not being able to travel abroad for theme parks right now, but please don't make the same mistake I did and get so desperate that you end up revisiting Oakwood. Not visiting a park at all is better than visiting this dump.
