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Rank the Thorpe Park coasters

Matt N

CF Legend
I haven't updated my Thorpe ranking in a while... a fair amount has changed!

  1. Nemesis Inferno - This never used to be top, but I've got to say that it's grown on me a fair amount over time! The forces are solid without being too excessive (no unpleasant grey out moments here!), the ride holds its pace well throughout, it's smooth, it has some nice inversions, and overall, I just think Inferno is a really solid coaster! I never fail to enjoy it, and it always offers a solid inverted coaster experience, in my view. As for the Nemesis comparison... I'm in the minority who actually prefers Inferno. I find Inferno to keep its pace more consistently throughout, I find that it hits a nicer sweet spot intensity-wise (I find the grey out in Nemesis' helix a bit unpleasant), and Inferno is also smoother. Overall, though, Inferno is a very solid coaster in my view! 8/10, #13/91
  2. Stealth - Coming in at a close second, this is a ride I do really like! Stealth might be a one trick wonder, but it does that trick very well indeed, in my opinion; that punchy hydraulic launch never fails to deliver, and there's some decent airtime to be had over the top hat! It also felt a fair bit smoother on my recent visit; I don't know if they've done something to it for 2022, but the roughness that was there in 2021 seemed mostly gone aside from a fairly mild rattle, which enhanced my enjoyment of the ride a fair bit compared to last year! It is a great ride! However, there are a few reasons why it's not higher. The first is how short it is; I love what the ride does, but there's just so little of it. Even compared to a fellow one trick ride like Oblivion (firmly in my top 10!), it does seem like a bit of a "blink and you'll miss it" type ride, which will inhibit how highly it can rank for me. The second one is comfort; I'm not a huge lover of the ride's restraints, and I'd like it a bit more if it had different ones. The final one is consistency; I've done the ride on the front row, and it is legendary (you'd be surprised by just how much difference the front row makes to Stealth)... but none of the other rows hit quite as hard. Even though the ride goes very fast and you definitely feel the force of the launch, you feel somewhat shielded from the sense of speed in the other rows in a way that you don't on the front. One quality I really rate in rides is consistency, so Stealth does suffer for me due to the fact that it has quite a distinct "magic seat" that outweighs all of the others. Still, it's a cracking coaster, and one I always enjoy! Although perhaps controversially, I actually prefer Rita of the two British Intamin launch coasters... 8/10, #15/91
  3. The Swarm - Swarm is good fun, but a slightly sad one to write about for me. Swarm is a coaster I enjoy, don't get me wrong... but I've gone off it somewhat in recent years. It spent a 2 year stint as my all time number 1 before I rode Mako in 2016 (well, technically Montu, but Mako was its more significant successor on the same trip, a day later), and it spent many years as both my favourite Thorpe coaster and one of my favourites in the UK. It's my most ridden coaster outside of Alton Towers. In terms of what I love about it; I think the winged seating position produces such a brilliant sense of speed, and I think some of those elements are terrific (that first drop where you rush towards the ground, and that final inversion that flings you out of your seat over the station, are just pure ecstasy, in my view!). However, I've been increasingly finding a few niggles with the experience that are becoming harder for me to overcome with time, hence why the ride has slid down my rankings over the years. The first is the smoothness, and overall consistent delivery; the ride isn't as smooth as it used to be, and while the inner seats are still fine for the most part, the outer seats seem to jitter a fair bit these days, which does detract a bit for me and make the ride lose points for consistency. The second is the intensity; I almost consistently grey out for multiple seconds during the low turn over the water, and while I know some enjoy this sensation, I personally find it somewhat unpleasant, and it does detract from my enjoyment. The third, and probably most pressing, niggle for me is the restraints. I used to love the B&M vest restraints, but as I've aged and gotten bigger, I've grown to not particularly like them. I'm not a fan of how rigid they are and how they tighten throughout the layout; I find that the tightening can sometimes really take away from the experience, and take the sting out of some of the ride's best elements (that sublime inversion at the end can certainly have some of the sting taken out of it by a tight restraint, as was the case on my last ride in 2022). Overall, Swarm is a fun coaster that I do enjoy for some of its stronger aspects, but various niggles are keeping it from ranking any higher for me these days. 7/10, #23/91
  4. Saw The Ride - Saw is a weird one for me. There's many elements of it I really like; the airtime is absolutely smashing, the dark ride section is great, and the pacing is really good! However... I can't rate it overly highly because it's just so rough in places. Admittedly, my last few rides haven't been too bad, hence why the ride doesn't fare too badly placement-wise at the moment, but there are some very prominent headbanging moments on it that detract from the ride fairly significantly for me, namely the transition from the first drop into the Immelmann and the dive loop after the MCBR. These can leave you with a real headache if you ride the ride on a bad day, and they're pretty unpleasant moments of roughness even on a good one. The ride can also be fairly rattly in other places, and I always come off it feeling somewhat battered and bruised, even on one of the ride's better runs... which is a shame seeing as I actually really like the layout itself. The roughness doesn't seem to have been quite as bad as in the past recently, though, hence why it doesn't fare too badly compared to where it has ranked in the past... my recent rides have been a spate of "good" runs. 5/10, #47/91
  5. The Walking Dead The Ride (last ridden as X) - I haven't actually done this since it was rethemed to The Walking Dead, so I'm basing this review off of one ride back in 2014, but I remember X being a perfectly fine, if not earth-shattering, family roller coaster. It was perfectly adequate as a family coaster, but nothing about it really stands out in my memory 8 years on. 4/10, #56/91
  6. Flying Fish - This is a perfectly fun little powered coaster; not one of the stronger powered coasters I've done, but for what it is, I think Flying Fish is a perfectly fun ride; it has some nice speed in those helixes, and it's overall not a bad little family ride! 4/10, #67/91
  7. Colossus - I've ridden this numerous times as of late really wanting to like it, but I never seem to enjoy Colossus at all. From my experience, it is excruciatingly rough to the point where I never fail to walk off with a headache and very bruised ears, and I don't like the cars/restraints at all; I'm not particularly tall, but I find them hard to get in and out of, and I find the restraints really clasp to my thighs and leave me feeling pretty uncomfortable. Roughness and cars notwithstanding, I'm also not a fan of the series of slow heartline rolls that make up a considerable percentage of the ride; I find the slow hangtime uncomfortable, and I tend to just cling on and wait for the rolls to end rather than enjoy them. It's a shame that it's so rough and uncomfortable, because the ride looks stunning, and even though the second half isn't my cup of tea regardless of the ride comfort, I think the first half actually has real promise! Sadly, though, I don't enjoy Colossus at all; it's easily one of my least favourite coasters of all time. 1/10, #90/91
I apologise if I come across overly negative or nitpicky in some of these reviews; I try to be a balanced, constructive and generally positive reviewer, but I also strive to be 100% honest about my opinions and experiences. I do think Thorpe has a good coaster selection, but strangely, none of their coasters are among my very favourites. Hopefully Exodus will change that!
 
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thepoweroften

Roller Poster
Updating my ranking here now that I’ve ridden them all as of finally doing Stealth (and re-ridden a couple of others)…

1) Swarm
2) Colossus*
3/4) Stealth and Inferno, tied
5) TWD*
6) Fish
7) Being pushed down the stairs in a trolley
8) SAW

*These are the only two I didn’t get on yesterday (because Colossus is obvs still closed and TWD closed around midday before we got to ride it and never reopened), so I’m ranking both from memories of previous years as opposed to how they’re running right now.

For the record I genuinely like and enjoy all of the coasters at Thorpe except for SAW. Overhated line-up of rides imo.
 

Inverting_Thrills

Mega Poster
I'll preface this by saying I've never been to Thorpe; I have ridden rides similar but at the end of the day these are just guesses

7: Flying Fish: It's a kiddie not much else to say.

6: TWD: Looks like a pretty solid ride but not better then any of the other attractions at the park.

5: Colossus: While i've heard it's pretty rough I normally can see behind that and enjoy a somewhat decent ride. While it doesn't look to be the most creative attraction out there it still looks pretty fun. I'm particularly interested in those repeating heartline roles in both an on and off ride sense

4: Swarm: Probably a bit of a hot take here but I would see myself enjoying the rides later on the list more then Swarm. This is by no means a jab at Swarm, it's theming looks great, the ride's layout looks good, and the near miss elements look great but X-Flight at my homepark looks to do the wing coaster layout better and that ride is okay.

3: Nemesis Inferno: Building upon my last point, X-Flight at Great America is a good ride but I personally have the parks Batman clone above it. Nemesis Inferno looks like a smaller Batman clone similar to Swarm looking like a smaller X-Flight. The prelift section on Inferno looks very unique and I'm quite a fan of the interlocking corkscrews on an invert.

2: Saw: Another hot take here; as I said while I was talking about Colossus I don't really mind rough rides. Saw looks like it has a good layout, a fun prelift, unique theming, and some decent airtime. Not really much else to say.

1: Stealth: I love launch coasters and Intamin hydraulic launches look to be by far the best. Stealth also has the strongest acceleration of any hydraulic launch. The tophat looks solid and the small hill into the breaks looks to give some more good airtime. While it's not the longest ride it would most likely take the top spot for me.


Honorable mention: Exodus: You all know it's gonna be the best in the park and I don't need to tell anyone why
 

FogZog

Roller Poster
1. Stealth
2. Saw
3. Swarm
4. Colossus
5. Walking Dead
6. Flying Fish
7. Nemesis Inferno … Gives me the worst headache 🙃
 
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