I wonder how Dorney managed to talk their way into getting a new coaster. Brand new at that. One can only imagine the scene at the grand board meeting...
Cedar Fair executive: "Okay, that's next year's pot of money distributed. And we're proud to announce a new wooden shuttle coaster for ... Cedar Point!"
(General polite applause around the room. Nobody looks surprised.)
Cedar Point executive: "Um, I think that would be too low capacity for us. We've got little space left to expand, and I don't think we can afford to use that much for such a low-capacity ride. I'm afraid we'll have to decline the offer"
(Dorney Park executive raises hand)
CF executive: "No problem, we'll give it to a different park instead. Kings Island, you'll get it instead!"
Kings Island executive: "We're currently putting our marketing focus into Orion. We wouldn't be able to get any extra mileage out of a coaster like that. I'm sure it could be put to better use elsewhere."
(Dorney Park executive starts waving the raised hand)
CF executive: "Oh, no problem. We have plenty of deserving parks in our chain! Canada's Wonderland it is!"
Canada's Wonderland executive: "Actually, we're getting more visitors every year than Cedar Point. If it's too low capacity for them, it's too low for us as well. But the chain has other parks."
(Dorney Park executive keeps hand raised and waving, uses other hand to point at himself)
CF executive: "Oh, we do indeed. Knott's Berry Farm, you can squeeze it in somewhere, can't you?"
KBF executive: "Capacity might be an issue for us too. We're actually getting more visitors than CW again. And we have less space to work with than CP. We'll have to decline, but if you will take a moment to look at the Giga request I sent-"
(Dorney Park executive, hands still flailing, stares intensely at CF executive, trying to capture his gaze)
CF executive: "Ah, of course! Carowinds! You can have it!"
Carowinds executive: "A wooden coaster that looks like it might actually be somewhat good?!? Not in our park."
(Dorney Park executive clears throat)
CF executive: "King's Dominion, then! Take this thing, since we obviously don't have other parks to put it in!"
KD executive: "We're already working on that B&M Wing Coaster, remember? Can't you put the wooden shuttle in one of the smaller parks?"
(The entire room gasps and falls silent)
CF executive: "Insolence! That B&M coaster... You can forget it! We'll make it a... a... an S&S Free Spin instead! Off the shelf model! One of the leftover ones from Six Flags' bulk purchase! Now don't open that mouth again or I'll call my contacts in the UK and swap the Free Spin for a twenty-fourth hand Pinfari instead!"
Dorney Park executive: He might have a point, though! There are other parks in this chain, you know!
CF executive: "Only California's Great Adventure, to the extent of my knowledge. Will you have it?"
CGA executive: "We've got our hands full with the waterpark expansion. You must find somebody else."
(Dorney Park executive clears throat again)
CF executive: "Valleyfair?"
Secretary: "I think Valleyfair stopped attending these meetings seven years ago. Gave up, he said."
(Dorney Park executive stands up)
CF executive: "Michigan's Adventure?"
(MA executive looks up, as if in shock. This is the first time anybody has even remembered his presence in the annual meeting since Valleyfair left. As if in a dream, he hears his own, hoarse voice say: "Yes, grand boss?" and feels a faint spark of hope for the first time in ages)
CF executive: "By the way, we're giving you some money to move your smallest kiddie coaster to a different corner of your park. That ought to suffice as investment in your park for the next ten years. Now, back to this wooden shuttle. Who can we give it to?"
(Dorney Park executive climbs onto his chair - not an easy feat, since he's waving one hand in the air while pointing at himself with the other simultaneously)
CF executive: "Worlds of Fun?"
(Everybody laughs. The Worlds of Fun executive says nothing. That's because he's just a scarecrow somebody fit into a suit. Nobody ever cared enough to notice.)
CF executive: "Okay, that only leaves us one choice. We'll put this thing up at Gilroy Gardens. It's sure to be a hit.
Secretary: "Umm, it looks like the representative for Gilroy Gardens chose to stay at home tending to a sick houseplant. He said nothing relevant ever happened on these meetings."
(Dorney Park executive mouths "Me! Me! Me!" while jumping up and down on his chair)
CF executive: "Can't fault him for that. No, we've gone through the entire chain and nobody seems to have the room, capacity, or desire to build this new coaster. We'll just have to sell it on, or move it straight to the graveyard for hopeless projects. The place coasters go to die in this chain. The last stop before the soup can factory. The place I keep forgetting that we even own. Every time I'm reminded of its existence, I vow to remove a coaster from that park. This one goes to ... :sigh: ... Dorney. Now scrap their impulse coaster immediately!"