What is the identity of Europa Park?
Is it a corporate showcase for Mack Rides to demonstrate their latest ride technology? Yes.
Is it a soulless amusement park with huge thrill coasters, emblazoned with sponsorship deals, plonked down on concrete car parks a'la Six Flags? Yes.
Is it a beautiful theme park with detailed dark rides that pay unashamed homage to the Disney World classics? Yes.
Is it a world class resort with posh hotels and a snazzy new water park? Yes.
Can it be done in one day? Yes.
Do you need 2-3 days? Yes.
Europa Park...
Some parks are dead easy to figure out. You have the subtle, forest hues of Efteling - where the entire park feels like one themed land. The media patchwork of Thorpe Park - where Angry Birds, The Walking Dead, Love Island and Saw co-exist as if they're a sensible pairing. Then you have the enigma that is Europa Park...I've visited three times and I still don't know what it's supposed to be. Or whether I like it. I guess that's what keeps me coming back. Like eating a sprout every Christmas to see if I like them. Gotta keep checking. Maybe one day I'll have the palette for Europa Park.
Enough rambling, let's get to the coaster talk.
Arrived on Saturday morning and headed over to the parks *ahem* Star attraction. You know the one. Shambhala's older, wiser cousin who sits at the table quietly eating airtime pie, whilst Shambhala hogs all the attention from the family. Lovely, lovely Silver Star - the shyest of the B+M Hypers.
My heart sank when we were allocated to the middle of the train. You know what they say, middle of the train = middle of the road. But it was actually great, full of floater! What a pleasant surprise. A less, pleasant surprise was the removal of the old cheesy Silver Star rock song from the queue. I guess there's no longer a place for silly coaster songs with daft lyrics in the IMAscore world we live in.
I can't really remember what else we did or in what order. But the main thing is we rode Silver Star four times and the back row rides were glorious. I'm contemplating putting it back in my top 10, based purely on consistency. I've had some bad rides on Shambhala and some 10/10 rides on Shambhala, whereas Silver Star has always delivered a solid 8/10 experience for me. I think I'd take that over the highs and lows of Shambhala. Maybe.
...are you....still there? Still reading this offensive piece of coaster blasphemy?
Anyway. A new-to-me experience was Volatarium, the parks Flying Theatre ride. The building is impressive, the indoor queue is gorgeous. But DAMN IT EUROPA, I WANT TO RIDE A FLYING THEATRE THAT ISN'T LIKE WATCHING A CHILDS' CLUMSY FIRST ATTEMPT AT VIDEO EDITING!! Honestly, why are the transitions between scenes so jarring? I was half-expecting a bloody star wipe between the snowy peaks to the sandy beaches! It's so frustrating, because I feel this ride technology has so much potential to tell a story in a moving way.
But every single Flying Theatre I've ridden has no story, no consistency, no flow - just a cobbled montage of different screen-saver scenes. Why would you build such a mega building and queue, but have this dire footage on screen? Ugh. Voletarium. What. a. waste. (No, I haven't ridden Flight of Passage yet - but I am 90% sure it'll be the answer to my flying theatre prayers)
Do you ever get it on a ride, when the ride makes you.. long for another ride? Sometimes I get it on Wickerman. As it traverses The Boring Corner, I bow my head in loving memory of The Flume and yearn for a giant duck to scare the living daylights out of me. Well, this also happened on Europa's world-class family dark ride coaster - Arthur. All I could think about on board was how much I want to ride Dragon Gliders at Motiongate. All the joy of this fantastic ride system, fused with an IP I actually care about. Just imagine. Imagine how good Dragon Gliders is. Alas, Arthur is a lovely attraction and the word 'minimoy' is hilarious, so I'll let them off.
Something else I find hilarious is how the England area of Europa is the worst area by a mile. How apt is this! The most prominent attraction in Europa's England is the toilet block. I feel this sums us up well as a country. It's also funny that Europas' Iceland has the lions share of the big creds, when Iceland the country doesn't even have any creds! Wild stuff, guys. I know.
Speaking of Iceland, let's have some updates onPoo Fire Blue Fire. 1. It's no longer sponsored by Gazprom! 2. It has really gross massive wrap around screens in the queue 3. It actually rides rather well in the front. And that's all from my correspondent at Underwhelming Mack Coasters.
Speaking of fire, the Pirates im Batavia dark ride has been rebuilt and re-opened and it is absolutely stunning. Easily a top 10 dark ride for me, I prefer it to all the Disney Pirates rides. Europa has a lot of silly dark rides, but this is the one you absolutely do not want to miss out on riding. Simply gorgeous.
Snorri Touren, on the other hand, felt like a Mack Technology showcase. The transition between dark ride sets and screens wasn't smooth and the 3D section felt randomly tacked on. It is very much a "look investors, we can also build this type of ride" ride. The mermaids make sexy noises as well, which is a bit weird for a kids ride.
Having visited Europa several times before, Baa Express was the only cred I didn't have. Could I be arsed to get it? Nah. I'm very firmly in Camp @Howie in that I'd rather spend my time riding the good, big coasters (read: Silver Star) than faffing about on a kiddie cred. I only like getting Big Apples when it's with a group of CFers and we can all embrace the silliness. A fair weather cred whore, if you will.
In other news, Wodan was running like a beast. I still rank it behind Troy, Thunderbird (Finland) and Joris. But at least I've finally been exposed to it's relentless charm. Just don't expect much in the way of airtime.
Visually, I think I've decided that my favourite areas of Europa are Portugal and Switzerland. I love sitting on the steps with a hot dog looking at Atlantica Super Splash. I love pottering around the cobbled streets by the rivers and overhanging trees of Switzerland. My least favourite areas are France and Russia. Russia is home to Euro-Mir which instantly makes it the worst area in the entire park. France is just a bit too garish for me.
Speaking of garish, the Dinosaur Dark Ride, AKA Madame Watchamacallits Museum of Curiosities, is a fabulous spark of pure nonsensical joy. The final scene made me squeal with delight. A must ride.
So. Rulantica then.
Never would I have guessed that 4 hours would not be long enough for a water park. This beauty deserves a full day. Don't go expecting Wet N Wild - the slides aren't really the main factor here, despite their abundance. It's just a really lovely place to chill out. There's a heated outdoor pool with a swim up bar. It stays heated all night so you can swim under the stars, which was my personal highlight. There's little indoor pools with bubble sections, lined with trees and blue lights. Tres romantic. The Snorri rapids river is cool and atmospheric, and don't you worry - the sexy mermaids do make an appearance again *swoon*. The slides are decent but short. They lack the wow factor of the Florida water slides. The main pool with the stalagmites looks fantastic in person, especially when night falls and the lighting comes into effect.
A few flaws: the lockers are exactly one billion miles away, so bare that in mind should you want to retrieve something
The food stalls all shut early, meaning we ate no dinner. At all. Rulantica shut at 10pm and all the restaurants surrounding the Kronesar hotel area also shut at the same time. It was a Sunday. Nowhere else was open and they had no vending machines. Seems a bit silly to me. What about all the people who want to eat after they swim?!
If you like floating about in an atmospheric setting, Rulantica is definitely the water park for you. If you want thrills, maybe not. It's the Hex of water parks.
All in all, I had a nice time at Europa Park. It was so good to get back on a Hyper; and the water park makes for a varied weekend visit - should you be accompanied by a non-cred-based holidaymaker. I still haven't the foggiest what the identity of Europa Park is. But whatever it is, I give it a solid 7.5/10 (4 of those points being for each ride on Silver Star)
Thanks for reading my nonsense
Is it a corporate showcase for Mack Rides to demonstrate their latest ride technology? Yes.
Is it a soulless amusement park with huge thrill coasters, emblazoned with sponsorship deals, plonked down on concrete car parks a'la Six Flags? Yes.
Is it a beautiful theme park with detailed dark rides that pay unashamed homage to the Disney World classics? Yes.
Is it a world class resort with posh hotels and a snazzy new water park? Yes.
Can it be done in one day? Yes.
Do you need 2-3 days? Yes.
Europa Park...
Some parks are dead easy to figure out. You have the subtle, forest hues of Efteling - where the entire park feels like one themed land. The media patchwork of Thorpe Park - where Angry Birds, The Walking Dead, Love Island and Saw co-exist as if they're a sensible pairing. Then you have the enigma that is Europa Park...I've visited three times and I still don't know what it's supposed to be. Or whether I like it. I guess that's what keeps me coming back. Like eating a sprout every Christmas to see if I like them. Gotta keep checking. Maybe one day I'll have the palette for Europa Park.
Enough rambling, let's get to the coaster talk.
Arrived on Saturday morning and headed over to the parks *ahem* Star attraction. You know the one. Shambhala's older, wiser cousin who sits at the table quietly eating airtime pie, whilst Shambhala hogs all the attention from the family. Lovely, lovely Silver Star - the shyest of the B+M Hypers.
My heart sank when we were allocated to the middle of the train. You know what they say, middle of the train = middle of the road. But it was actually great, full of floater! What a pleasant surprise. A less, pleasant surprise was the removal of the old cheesy Silver Star rock song from the queue. I guess there's no longer a place for silly coaster songs with daft lyrics in the IMAscore world we live in.
I can't really remember what else we did or in what order. But the main thing is we rode Silver Star four times and the back row rides were glorious. I'm contemplating putting it back in my top 10, based purely on consistency. I've had some bad rides on Shambhala and some 10/10 rides on Shambhala, whereas Silver Star has always delivered a solid 8/10 experience for me. I think I'd take that over the highs and lows of Shambhala. Maybe.
...are you....still there? Still reading this offensive piece of coaster blasphemy?
Anyway. A new-to-me experience was Volatarium, the parks Flying Theatre ride. The building is impressive, the indoor queue is gorgeous. But DAMN IT EUROPA, I WANT TO RIDE A FLYING THEATRE THAT ISN'T LIKE WATCHING A CHILDS' CLUMSY FIRST ATTEMPT AT VIDEO EDITING!! Honestly, why are the transitions between scenes so jarring? I was half-expecting a bloody star wipe between the snowy peaks to the sandy beaches! It's so frustrating, because I feel this ride technology has so much potential to tell a story in a moving way.
But every single Flying Theatre I've ridden has no story, no consistency, no flow - just a cobbled montage of different screen-saver scenes. Why would you build such a mega building and queue, but have this dire footage on screen? Ugh. Voletarium. What. a. waste. (No, I haven't ridden Flight of Passage yet - but I am 90% sure it'll be the answer to my flying theatre prayers)
Do you ever get it on a ride, when the ride makes you.. long for another ride? Sometimes I get it on Wickerman. As it traverses The Boring Corner, I bow my head in loving memory of The Flume and yearn for a giant duck to scare the living daylights out of me. Well, this also happened on Europa's world-class family dark ride coaster - Arthur. All I could think about on board was how much I want to ride Dragon Gliders at Motiongate. All the joy of this fantastic ride system, fused with an IP I actually care about. Just imagine. Imagine how good Dragon Gliders is. Alas, Arthur is a lovely attraction and the word 'minimoy' is hilarious, so I'll let them off.
Something else I find hilarious is how the England area of Europa is the worst area by a mile. How apt is this! The most prominent attraction in Europa's England is the toilet block. I feel this sums us up well as a country. It's also funny that Europas' Iceland has the lions share of the big creds, when Iceland the country doesn't even have any creds! Wild stuff, guys. I know.
Speaking of Iceland, let's have some updates on
Speaking of fire, the Pirates im Batavia dark ride has been rebuilt and re-opened and it is absolutely stunning. Easily a top 10 dark ride for me, I prefer it to all the Disney Pirates rides. Europa has a lot of silly dark rides, but this is the one you absolutely do not want to miss out on riding. Simply gorgeous.
Snorri Touren, on the other hand, felt like a Mack Technology showcase. The transition between dark ride sets and screens wasn't smooth and the 3D section felt randomly tacked on. It is very much a "look investors, we can also build this type of ride" ride. The mermaids make sexy noises as well, which is a bit weird for a kids ride.
Having visited Europa several times before, Baa Express was the only cred I didn't have. Could I be arsed to get it? Nah. I'm very firmly in Camp @Howie in that I'd rather spend my time riding the good, big coasters (read: Silver Star) than faffing about on a kiddie cred. I only like getting Big Apples when it's with a group of CFers and we can all embrace the silliness. A fair weather cred whore, if you will.
In other news, Wodan was running like a beast. I still rank it behind Troy, Thunderbird (Finland) and Joris. But at least I've finally been exposed to it's relentless charm. Just don't expect much in the way of airtime.
Visually, I think I've decided that my favourite areas of Europa are Portugal and Switzerland. I love sitting on the steps with a hot dog looking at Atlantica Super Splash. I love pottering around the cobbled streets by the rivers and overhanging trees of Switzerland. My least favourite areas are France and Russia. Russia is home to Euro-Mir which instantly makes it the worst area in the entire park. France is just a bit too garish for me.
Speaking of garish, the Dinosaur Dark Ride, AKA Madame Watchamacallits Museum of Curiosities, is a fabulous spark of pure nonsensical joy. The final scene made me squeal with delight. A must ride.
So. Rulantica then.
Never would I have guessed that 4 hours would not be long enough for a water park. This beauty deserves a full day. Don't go expecting Wet N Wild - the slides aren't really the main factor here, despite their abundance. It's just a really lovely place to chill out. There's a heated outdoor pool with a swim up bar. It stays heated all night so you can swim under the stars, which was my personal highlight. There's little indoor pools with bubble sections, lined with trees and blue lights. Tres romantic. The Snorri rapids river is cool and atmospheric, and don't you worry - the sexy mermaids do make an appearance again *swoon*. The slides are decent but short. They lack the wow factor of the Florida water slides. The main pool with the stalagmites looks fantastic in person, especially when night falls and the lighting comes into effect.
A few flaws: the lockers are exactly one billion miles away, so bare that in mind should you want to retrieve something
The food stalls all shut early, meaning we ate no dinner. At all. Rulantica shut at 10pm and all the restaurants surrounding the Kronesar hotel area also shut at the same time. It was a Sunday. Nowhere else was open and they had no vending machines. Seems a bit silly to me. What about all the people who want to eat after they swim?!
If you like floating about in an atmospheric setting, Rulantica is definitely the water park for you. If you want thrills, maybe not. It's the Hex of water parks.
All in all, I had a nice time at Europa Park. It was so good to get back on a Hyper; and the water park makes for a varied weekend visit - should you be accompanied by a non-cred-based holidaymaker. I still haven't the foggiest what the identity of Europa Park is. But whatever it is, I give it a solid 7.5/10 (4 of those points being for each ride on Silver Star)
Thanks for reading my nonsense
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