Jordanovichy
Credit Whore 2016
When there are creds to be got, you'll often find many goons piling into a car and travelling 100s of miles just to find a couple of +1s, and that is exactly what happened on Sunday 29th March.
I had stayed at Neal's the night before after travelling from Portsmouth to my parent's in Cambridge as my University semester has just finished. He cooked a lovely lasagne. Then it was time for bed, we had an early start...no not because Sue was coming early, don't be silly, but because we had to watch a series of cars drive in circles for two hours. I got bacon so it's not the end of the world.
Sue finally arrived at Neal's at 11 the next morning. We'd heard from the Maycocks that they now wouldn't be coming as Daniel wasn't well. On the way we hit a few April showers (in March, yes), and they did dump quite a hefty amount of water! We stopped off at Cherwell Valley Services for a cultural burger.
We arrived at West Midland Safari Park at around 2.45pm.
West Midland Safari Park
We paid the extortionate £20 each to get into the safari, but it's ok, we were greeted with a welcome sign.
They had displays of Easter Eggs made by local schoolchildren, some of which were really good.
But we made our way over to the theme park area to buy our wristbands. Another £11 gone! I really liked the zebra (in a literal sense) crossings.
But there were creds on offer! We headed over to the Big Apple. It was a really nice apple too, bright red, freshly painted and not mouldy.
Two circuits later we were done and on to the next thing. Dr. Umboto's Catacombes.
In the words of Jordan, it was f**king s**t. It was just awful, it didn't really do anything apart from scream at you and house some cobwebs. We moved on to the Rhino Rollercoaster.
It's actually quite fun. The lift hill seems quite high to be honest. I sat back row first and thoroughly enjoyed myself, for what it is, it's quite good, reasonably speedy, some airtime and flings you around a bit. I liked it.
The last cred of the park next, Twister Coaster.
Ugh, it was s**te. Utter crap. You never expect these to be great but that doesn't mean you almost regret bothering with a plus one.
I have to say I did quite like the colour scheme, but with this, that's as far as the niceties go!
Next we rode the Jungle Cat Dodgems.
The cars were exceptionally cute, they looked beautiful.
We took a selfie before riding.
They were good fun, quite violent head on...but you shouldn't technically do that anyway
I never realised you can reverse on dodgems by turning the steering wheel the whole way around. I was most impressed.
Next was Venom, the drop tower.
These aren't really my cup of tea but I can appreciate when I ride a good one. And this was a good one! It was windy at the top and it seemed to take ages to drop when suddenly, whoooooooosh. My gosh it packs a punch! Really really enjoyed it. We were all so surprised at how good it was. Excellent ride.
Despite it being a pretty cold and damp day we decided to ride the rapids. We thought you can't get that wet. Yes I am foreshadowing here for the next ride.
It was pretty good fun. It's like a small version of Storm Surge at Thorpe Park. It certainly went around the corners at quite a pace and the splashdown was quite violent, how likely are these things to tip? I quite enjoyed it. The ride ops said would we like to go around again as there was no queue, we thought we didn't get that wet so might as well. We got wetter second time around, but still enjoyed it all the same. I should add the water was impressively clean and smelt fresh, always important!
Next up was Shark Attack!
Shoutout to Neal, Mike and Sue who have been looking forward to reading my take on this
We boarded in high spirits. To put it simply you have a water gun and you have to shoot water at targets in the middle whilst the cars spin around the outside. Simple. I took my seat...after wiping a puddle off the chair. I could see Neal in the next-but-one carriage facing me and the ride began.
Literally seconds after the ride started I heard my rain mac suddenly get pelted with water. I looked up to see large drops of water flying towards me, I yanked up my hood. I could just see Neal in the distance laughing hysterically. I spent 4 **** minutes being pelted with **** water...getting absolutely soaked. I have no idea if the targets did anything when you hit them with water, all I know was I was trying to shelter from the oncoming bombardment of water from the lovely Neal. I got up to find I was sat in 2 inches of water, my jeans, shoes, underwear, coat and even hoodie underneath were dripping. Have one of Mike's photos.
Neal, I think, actually felt genuinely sorry. And tried to console me...ugh.
Shark Attack was fun though I suppose, I was just glad that, as I had stayed around Neal's the night before, I had spare jeans otherwise, I'd have really suffered on the journey home.
Next we went to their 'new for 2015' area, Land of the Living Dinosaurs.
It was absolutely fantastic! It's basically a walkthrough through the age of the dinosaurs and beyond, starting in the Permian and finishing today. I loved the misty volcano.
Sue thought why not?
They moved, some were big, some were small, they were all lifelike.
They'd made a dirty swamp.
I just loved it, the attention to detail was fantastic, the swamp, the low trees and bush, the movements. I know I haven't seen many but it was the best dinosaur enclosure I've been to, it's just brilliant.
At the end they had a series of footprints, as how they had changed throughout time, which were a nice touch.
Once done we headed to the penguin enclosure. They came over to greet us.
After this we headed back out to the car park in preparation to go on the safari. Sue and I went to get changed though, I was still absolutely soaking and really cold and uncomfortable. We got back to the car just after 5 to see the safari gates had been shut! Turns out, that while the attractions don't close until 6, the safari closes at 5. We were never told this but there was a sign as you came in to the park, we just didn't see it, we were all disappointed but we had had a good day at least.
So we drove off to get one last cred.
Treasure Island
What a hell hole this place is. It's not even funny.
Basically some rides stuck on a river bank. You know a place is s**t when it's the Wetherspoons that actually brightens the place up a bit. Have a couple of photos.
I wanted to take more but got shouted at by a member of staff for taking photos. I can only assume they don't want other people knowing what a **** place it is.
Mike and I went over to the cred, Dragon Coaster (Neal and Sue had already ridden).
It was dull, and actually quite violent, the last corner it flings you round and you almost go flying! Because he hadn't punished me enough today, Neal thought it'd be funny to ask the ride op to send it round 4 times rather than the usual 2, I wouldn't have minded but you can't count League of Goons points for multiple circuits without getting off. But still, +1 and done.
On the way out I took a selfie with an ape. Guess who is who.
We went to the next door Wetherpoons for some dinner, I had a gourmet burger because I'm classy, it was very nice despite only having 12 chips.
We then got in the car and made the long journey back to London. I still needed to get the train back to Cambridge so Sue dropped me off at Wembley Park tube station and I made my way to Kings Cross and on to Cambridge, finally getting home at just gone midnight.
It was a really good day, despite getting much wetter than expected. I really liked West Midland Safari Park, the dinosaur enclosure is fab and the attention to detail is amazing. Treasure Island however...glad we didn't have to spend long there, just the cred and out.
Thank you very much for reading.
I had stayed at Neal's the night before after travelling from Portsmouth to my parent's in Cambridge as my University semester has just finished. He cooked a lovely lasagne. Then it was time for bed, we had an early start...no not because Sue was coming early, don't be silly, but because we had to watch a series of cars drive in circles for two hours. I got bacon so it's not the end of the world.
Sue finally arrived at Neal's at 11 the next morning. We'd heard from the Maycocks that they now wouldn't be coming as Daniel wasn't well. On the way we hit a few April showers (in March, yes), and they did dump quite a hefty amount of water! We stopped off at Cherwell Valley Services for a cultural burger.
We arrived at West Midland Safari Park at around 2.45pm.
West Midland Safari Park
We paid the extortionate £20 each to get into the safari, but it's ok, we were greeted with a welcome sign.
They had displays of Easter Eggs made by local schoolchildren, some of which were really good.
But we made our way over to the theme park area to buy our wristbands. Another £11 gone! I really liked the zebra (in a literal sense) crossings.
But there were creds on offer! We headed over to the Big Apple. It was a really nice apple too, bright red, freshly painted and not mouldy.
Two circuits later we were done and on to the next thing. Dr. Umboto's Catacombes.
In the words of Jordan, it was f**king s**t. It was just awful, it didn't really do anything apart from scream at you and house some cobwebs. We moved on to the Rhino Rollercoaster.
It's actually quite fun. The lift hill seems quite high to be honest. I sat back row first and thoroughly enjoyed myself, for what it is, it's quite good, reasonably speedy, some airtime and flings you around a bit. I liked it.
The last cred of the park next, Twister Coaster.
Ugh, it was s**te. Utter crap. You never expect these to be great but that doesn't mean you almost regret bothering with a plus one.
I have to say I did quite like the colour scheme, but with this, that's as far as the niceties go!
Next we rode the Jungle Cat Dodgems.
The cars were exceptionally cute, they looked beautiful.
We took a selfie before riding.
They were good fun, quite violent head on...but you shouldn't technically do that anyway
I never realised you can reverse on dodgems by turning the steering wheel the whole way around. I was most impressed.Next was Venom, the drop tower.
These aren't really my cup of tea but I can appreciate when I ride a good one. And this was a good one! It was windy at the top and it seemed to take ages to drop when suddenly, whoooooooosh. My gosh it packs a punch! Really really enjoyed it. We were all so surprised at how good it was. Excellent ride.
Despite it being a pretty cold and damp day we decided to ride the rapids. We thought you can't get that wet. Yes I am foreshadowing here for the next ride.
It was pretty good fun. It's like a small version of Storm Surge at Thorpe Park. It certainly went around the corners at quite a pace and the splashdown was quite violent, how likely are these things to tip? I quite enjoyed it. The ride ops said would we like to go around again as there was no queue, we thought we didn't get that wet so might as well. We got wetter second time around, but still enjoyed it all the same. I should add the water was impressively clean and smelt fresh, always important!
Next up was Shark Attack!
Shoutout to Neal, Mike and Sue who have been looking forward to reading my take on this
We boarded in high spirits. To put it simply you have a water gun and you have to shoot water at targets in the middle whilst the cars spin around the outside. Simple. I took my seat...after wiping a puddle off the chair. I could see Neal in the next-but-one carriage facing me and the ride began.
Literally seconds after the ride started I heard my rain mac suddenly get pelted with water. I looked up to see large drops of water flying towards me, I yanked up my hood. I could just see Neal in the distance laughing hysterically. I spent 4 **** minutes being pelted with **** water...getting absolutely soaked. I have no idea if the targets did anything when you hit them with water, all I know was I was trying to shelter from the oncoming bombardment of water from the lovely Neal. I got up to find I was sat in 2 inches of water, my jeans, shoes, underwear, coat and even hoodie underneath were dripping. Have one of Mike's photos.
Neal, I think, actually felt genuinely sorry. And tried to console me...ugh.
Shark Attack was fun though I suppose, I was just glad that, as I had stayed around Neal's the night before, I had spare jeans otherwise, I'd have really suffered on the journey home.
Next we went to their 'new for 2015' area, Land of the Living Dinosaurs.
It was absolutely fantastic! It's basically a walkthrough through the age of the dinosaurs and beyond, starting in the Permian and finishing today. I loved the misty volcano.
Sue thought why not?
They moved, some were big, some were small, they were all lifelike.
They'd made a dirty swamp.
I just loved it, the attention to detail was fantastic, the swamp, the low trees and bush, the movements. I know I haven't seen many but it was the best dinosaur enclosure I've been to, it's just brilliant.
At the end they had a series of footprints, as how they had changed throughout time, which were a nice touch.
Once done we headed to the penguin enclosure. They came over to greet us.
After this we headed back out to the car park in preparation to go on the safari. Sue and I went to get changed though, I was still absolutely soaking and really cold and uncomfortable. We got back to the car just after 5 to see the safari gates had been shut! Turns out, that while the attractions don't close until 6, the safari closes at 5. We were never told this but there was a sign as you came in to the park, we just didn't see it, we were all disappointed but we had had a good day at least.
So we drove off to get one last cred.
Treasure Island
What a hell hole this place is. It's not even funny.
Basically some rides stuck on a river bank. You know a place is s**t when it's the Wetherspoons that actually brightens the place up a bit. Have a couple of photos.
I wanted to take more but got shouted at by a member of staff for taking photos. I can only assume they don't want other people knowing what a **** place it is.
Mike and I went over to the cred, Dragon Coaster (Neal and Sue had already ridden).
It was dull, and actually quite violent, the last corner it flings you round and you almost go flying! Because he hadn't punished me enough today, Neal thought it'd be funny to ask the ride op to send it round 4 times rather than the usual 2, I wouldn't have minded but you can't count League of Goons points for multiple circuits without getting off. But still, +1 and done.
On the way out I took a selfie with an ape. Guess who is who.
We went to the next door Wetherpoons for some dinner, I had a gourmet burger because I'm classy, it was very nice despite only having 12 chips.
We then got in the car and made the long journey back to London. I still needed to get the train back to Cambridge so Sue dropped me off at Wembley Park tube station and I made my way to Kings Cross and on to Cambridge, finally getting home at just gone midnight.
It was a really good day, despite getting much wetter than expected. I really liked West Midland Safari Park, the dinosaur enclosure is fab and the attention to detail is amazing. Treasure Island however...glad we didn't have to spend long there, just the cred and out.
Thank you very much for reading.
