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If you owned the UK’s 4 Merlin theme parks, what would you do to each of them?

Matt N

CF Legend
Hi guys. Merlin currently owns 4 theme parks in the UK; Alton Towers, Thorpe Park, Chessington World of Adventures and Legoland Windsor. They are arguably the UK’s 4 most popular theme parks, but I’ve noticed that there generally seems to be a lot of disagreement with some of the decisions Merlin make at the parks (I personally think they’re doing a fantastic job on the whole, even though there are some things I’d do differently, but each to their own!), so I’d be intrigued to know; if you were in charge of the 4 UK Merlin theme parks, what would you do with each one?

I’ll get the ball rolling with what I would personally do, listing each park in turn.
Alton Towers
  • I would build a roller coaster with a heavy focus on airtime. I feel as though this is something that the park lacks at present; even though the park has numerous rides with airtime (and in some cases, such as Wicker Man, quite a lot of airtime!), I don’t really think they have a properly airtime-focused coaster, and there are many roller coaster models available on the market that could satisfy this brief. In terms of a more specific ride type, I’d probably go with an Intamin LSM Launch Coaster, as I do feel that a multi-launch would work really well at the park, as well as satisfying the brief of airtime. Either that, or some form of RMC. In terms of where it would go, I’d personally either go with the area at the top of Forbidden Valley, currently occupied by Blade, Ripsaw’s empty site, Sub-Terra, and the food outlets (which would unfortunately necessitate the removal of Blade), or I’d possibly remove the Congo River Rapids and put it on that site; it could create a really nice Klugheim-esque vibe within Katanga Canyon (what with the thrill coaster joined with the family coaster), with lots of interactions with the Runaway Mine Train!
  • Expanding upon the point about potentially removing Congo River Rapids, I would also install a new water ride of some sort. I’m not sure what kind, but I think a Mack water coaster would work quite well; I’ve heard that the newer models do have sensors that adjust the wetness depending on the temperature (correct me if I’m wrong), so that would be well suited to the British climate. You could also do some really interesting things with it; I’ve always wanted to see a full-circuit, launched water coaster, so maybe that would be a fun world’s first for Alton to try?
  • I would also install a few flat rides, as there are quite a few places you could put them, and not that many left at Alton. In terms of what kinds, I’d personally go for a combination of more thrilling flat rides, as well as things with a broader appeal; I think a frisbee/gyro swing of some form would work well, and maybe a Zamperla Disk’O, for something with slightly broader appeal?
  • Furthermore, I would convert the Alton Towers Dungeon back into a family dark ride of some sort. As much as I’m sure that the Alton Towers Dungeon is fantastic if you’re into that sort of thing (I’m not into live actor attractions at all, personally), I think that that ride system would really work well as a family ride with more universal appeal, like what it was back before the Dungeons were a thing.
  • While we’re on the topic of dark rides, I might also potentially replace Duel with a spooky-themed trackless dark ride. I’ll admit that I’ve always really liked the idea of a spooky-themed trackless dark ride, and I think Duel’s space would have a huge amount of potential for one. I can just imagine a lovely, ambient, immersive spooky dark ride working so well in Gloomy Wood!
  • Finally, I’d either relocate or remove Spinball Whizzer in order to necessitate expansion of CBeebies Land onto that area. At the moment, it just kind of sits out on its own, and there’s something quite satisfying about the thought of CBeebies nicely fitting into that entire corner of the park.
Thorpe Park
  • Firstly, I’d build Thorpe Park a B&M hyper coaster, utilising the island next to Swarm and the land around the back of the park. As with Alton Towers, the park currently lacks a true airtime machine, as well as a non-inverting thrill coaster of a substantial length; I personally feel that a B&M hyper coaster would tick both of these boxes, while also being very reliable, high throughput, and providing the park with a true icon, in the same vein as the Big One is for Blackpool Pleasure Beach. I might make it big enough to be the UK’s tallest roller coaster, topping the Big One, but I even feel that a smaller B&M hyper of around 200ft, similar to Mako, would work fantastically.
  • In terms of a coaster, I’d also replace Logger’s Leap with one, although I’d replace it with something somewhat smaller in scale; a more moderate thrill, if you like, which is again something that I feel Thorpe Park would benefit from. In terms of specifically what, I feel that a GCI wooden roller coaster would work well; it would suit the Western theme of Old Town quite nicely, while also striking a nice balance of thrill and family appeal, with a low 1.2m height restriction (I think some GCIs might even be 1.1m, actually!). I’d probably build something more similar in scale and intensity to Joris as opposed to a massive beast like Troy or Wodan, as I feel something like that would still be very popular amongst thrill seekers while also tapping into the family thrill market somewhat, which I’d argue that no current coaster at Thorpe really does. I could even make it dual-tracked, like Joris is; that would add a nice unique feature to the ride, while also doubling capacity!
  • Furthermore, I would either remove or majorly rework Derren Brown’s Ghost Train. I know that it was expensive, and is also still fairly new, but the ride doesn’t seem to have been greatly successful thus far, and is also somewhat of a weight on Thorpe’s shoulders from a technical standpoint, what with all of the VR and effects to maintain. If it were possible, I would reuse the ride system that’s already there to make something with a slightly more universal appeal, as opposed to the adult horror attraction that it is currently. I get the impression that the ride system is actually very technically impressive, with a lot of potential, so I think it could possibly make a very good family dark ride!
  • I would also make the park into more of a resort, and push the Island Like No Other branding a lot more. I must admit, I’m actually a fan of the whole Island identity with the IMAScore audio; I think it’s quite clean, fresh, and suits the park well, so I’d push it a lot more, and I think making the park into more of a resort, with a larger hotel or two and maybe some other activities, such as an indoor waterpark like Alton Towers has, or a mini golf course or high ropes course, would be a great idea. Maybe even a nice entertainment complex. I feel like something like this would really boost Thorpe Park’s universal appeal; as well as their core thrill seeker market, making themselves into more of a resort might also make them appeal to families too.
  • This one might possibly be controversial, but I’d also remove the beach and the water slides (Depth Charge/Wet Wet Wet). In terms of what I’d replace them with, I’d probably go with some form of family ride package with a beach theme, to keep up the whole beach vibe that the area has currently and fit in with the island theme of the park, as well as boosting the amount of rides the park has for families. I’m thinking a couple of family flat rides, possibly a mid-ground family coaster too; I think a spinning coaster would be a nice fit at Thorpe. Something like Storm Chaser at Paultons. And maybe some sort of water ride too; perhaps a small log flume would fit nicely, to fill the void left by Logger’s Leap?
  • I would replace Slammer with a new thrilling flat ride. However, I’d also go with something that while thrilling, has a slightly more universal appeal, and a certain customisability that would differentiate it from Thorpe’s other flat rides; I’d personally put in a Gerstlauer Sky Roller there, as that is a ride that the rider can pretty much make as thrilling or as sedate as they want, which really widens the appeal. I believe these rides also have pretty low height restrictions, correct me if I’m wrong? I could theme it to a water tower, or a totem pole or something, to fit in with Old Town. I’m not really sure.
  • Finally, I’d remove The Walking Dead: The Ride and replace it with either a dark ride of some sort or a new enclosed roller coaster. I reckon a trackless dark ride would fit nicely, or maybe an Intamin Multidimensional Coaster; something enclosed and well-themed, that appeals to the whole family, kind of like what Movie Park Germany is building for this year.
Chessington World of Adventures
  • Admittedly, I’m not as familiar with Chessington (my last visit was in 2014), but I’d personally give the park a proper entrance area, with some nice shops and maybe a nice centrepiece drawing you in. From memory, Chessington’s current entrance just sort of puts you straight in the park next to Dragon’s Fury, so I think it would be nice to give the guest a real welcome experience.
  • In terms of rides, my first priority would be to put some sort of new roller coaster in. I think a family launch coaster of some form would work nicely; maybe something like Juvelen from Intamin, or maybe a Gerstlauer creation like FireChaser Express? The intention with this would be to make it Chessington’s new flagship coaster, something for all the family, and really heavily-themed. In terms of where it would go, I’d probably put it on the big lawn by Land of the Dragons.
  • This one might be a little controversial, but with this new headline coaster being installed, I would personally remove Vampire. I’ll admit that I’m not personally a huge fan of it, it’s getting quite old, and it annoys the neighbours near the park due to its location and the noise it generates. In terms of what I’d replace it with; taking into account the noise issues, I’d go with some sort of enclosed roller coaster. In terms of what type, I’d personally go with something that offers potential for a really immersive experience coaster, with some cool tricks on offer. I reckon a Mack Inverted Powered Coaster could work nicely, as it would provide an immersive experience, would also keep the suspended seating position of Vampire, and also offer quite a unique twist on the ride type. Maybe theme it to a tour of a vampire’s castle or something?
  • I’d also put in a new water ride somewhere within the park; in terms of proper water rides, they only currently have Tiger Rock (some might count Gruffalo too, but I’d call that more of a dark ride than a proper water ride). I reckon a rapids ride might work nicely, personally; I’d maybe put it on that big plot of land behind Wild Asia, and give it some nice Asian theming. I’d make sure to offer a nice element of chance, as a lot of my favourite rapids rides have, with plenty of different effects and waves, and I’d probably put a drop in there too, similar to what Infinity Falls at SeaWorld Orlando has.
  • While we’re in Wild Asia, I’d personally remove the indoor play area (I’ve forgotten what it’s called; isn’t it something like Temple of Mayhem?) and replace it with a dark ride, more specifically a Vekoma Madhouse. I think a Madhouse themed around a booby-trapped temple or something would work nicely, maybe with a nice pre-show or two to set the scene a bit a la Hex.
Legoland Windsor
  • As with Chessington, I’ll preface this by saying I’m not too familiar with Legoland; my only recent visit was on a very busy day in 2017, and I didn’t get to see too much of the park.
  • One thing I remember from my last visit to Legoland was that the paths were all very cramped, making it difficult to move around, and it made me quite anxious. Admittedly, it might not have helped that it was a busy day in the summer, so I might not be being entirely fair in that regard, but my point still stands. What I’m leading onto is that something I would firstly do is invest a bit into the infrastructure at the park, mainly widening the paths and making it a little easier to move around the park. This would be in order to help it cope a little more easily with those busier days.
  • The next thing I would do at Legoland Windsor is invest into a middle-ground family coaster of some sort, at a level of intensity above anything that they currently have. One thing I’ve always noticed about Legoland Windsor is that compared with the other Legoland parks, they seem to have a somewhat more kiddified roller coaster selection. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I feel as though the addition of a more thrilling family coaster would widen the park’s appeal. If you look at some of the other Legoland parks, most of them have at least one larger family coaster. For example, Legoland Billund has Polar X-plorer, a lot of them have fairly substantial wild mouse coasters, some of the newer Dragon coasters are actually pretty large in comparison to Windsor’s. In terms of what I’d go for, I’d personally go for something along the same sort of lines as Polar X-plorer, as I think that something like that could go down very well at Legoland and be quite different to any of their other rides.
  • I know this might seem oddly specific, but I’d also put in a clone of the new Lego Factory Adventure trackless dark ride being built at Legoland New York. I think it looks really cool, and I think the whole idea of having a tour of a Lego factory suits a park themed to Lego really well! In terms of where I’d put it, I’d probably try and put it near Miniland and all the other “building” type areas, so as to link all of those attractions together and create a whole “Lego building” type area of the park.
So, that’s what I’d personally do with the 4 UK Merlin parks if I were in charge! Do you like my ideas?

I encourage you to put on your own theme park management hats, and think of some things you’d really like to do at each UK Merlin park. So, what would you personally do if you were in charge?
 
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Ethan

Strata Poster
An interesting topic, Matt!

Thorpe Park: Complete refresh of Entrance Area & Dome (thinking IOA Port of Entry style but with a bridge) , retheme the entire park to something that doesn't suck. RMC over Logger's Leap.

Alton Towers: Refresh Towers street and monorail stations. Tear Rita to the ground so it can't hurt me anymore.

Legoland: Just freshen up the entire place, could do with a bit of paint and TLC in my opinion!

Chessington: Honestly just burn it down and start afresh. The entire park looks like an abandoned mall with a plastic bag flying around it.

Get rid of the zoo, rebuild it all with the same Africa/Asia theme, but do it well instead (looking at you, Tiger Rock)
 

Heth

Mega Poster
1. Thorpe

- redo the entrance and reinstall the Atlantis / aquatic theming.
- tidy and clean areas such as Lost City / Colossus. Install more theming.
- bulldoze and refurbish the Old Town area. Replace slammer and Loggers with a new modern log flume.
- replace DBGT with a proper dark ride. A trackless dark ride with the same train theme would suffice.
- add a family thrill coaster to the unused island next to Swarm.

2. Legoland

It's basically fine, it just needs a clean. I also miss the cute elements like the Explorer's Institute.

3. Alton

- Replace Dungeon with a proper water dark ride.
- Return Duel to the Haunted House

4. Chessington

- Return the entire park to how it was in 1995:

Professor Burp back,
Vampire theming intact,
Terror Tomb freshly opened,
Runaway Mine Train theming intact,
pristine new Rameses Revenge,
Dragon Falls with original theming

- Keep Dragon's Fury as it's the best thing to happen to the park in this century.
- Add a new family thrill coaster.

As much as I bemoan most choices Thorpe has made since the 2010s, Chessington was literally better in 1995 than it is now.
 

Howie

Donkey in a hat
If I woke up tomorrow morning and suddenly found myself owning the UK Merlin parks, what I'd be most likely to do if I'm being honest is sell all four of them as quickly as possible and use the money to build a new theme park from scratch. They're too far gone, they've been Merlinised too much. Can you imagine the stress and ballache in trying to sort that lot out? Especially Alton Towers. I mean, would you want to own The Smiler, knowing that it has a habit of shredding wheels or that sections of track could ping apart at any minute? That would make my arse twitch more than riding the bastard thing.

I suppose I could be talked into keeping Thorpe Park, as I reckon it would take the least amount of work to bring up to scratch, and it has the most potential for improvement. Replace flume for new water ride. Replace Slammer with new flat. Bin Storm Surge, bin Depth Charge, bin the dome and the beach, definitely bin Derren Browns LBGT thing.
New bridge, new entrance plaza and, as discussed in this thread :

... a new B&M hyper in the reclaimed space. A big'un, Shambhala sized or bigger, named Beowulf, with theming and soundtrack to match.
Boom. Job done.
 
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Pokemaniac

Mountain monkey
Staff member
Administrator
Moderator
I know little about three of the parks, so I think I'd sell off some of them to raise funds and focus on Thorpe:
  • I'm pretty sure The LEGO group would like to have Legoland back, and I'd have some IP issues if I kept it (adding new attractions would have been a nightmare), so they get to buy it back ... at a premium. After I've personally raided the gift shop, of course.
  • I'd sell Alton to spare Britain from the horrible monopoly situation for thrill parks it's currently mired in. Competition breeds innovation, so it'd keep me from becoming too lazy as well. Plus, the park needs a bit of sorting out and I wouldn't have the funds to repair both it and Thorpe.
  • I'm not too sure about Chessington, but I've got a feeling it might be bad business to sell that one too. Retaining a monopoly of sorts in London (minus Legoland) would lower the risk of my next move. I think I'd let Chessington amble on somewhat autonomously.
So, onto Thorpe. That's a park that needs some mucking out after years of Merlin being Merlin. Luckily, I have the funds from the sale of two major theme parks to work with, and I fleeced The LEGO group enough that I consider my money near-infinite. Maybe not enough to build a Brooklands-Chertsey-Staines-Heathrow light rail line with a stop conveniently placed right outside the park gates, but I'd definitely put in the proposal with the local council. For now, I'd focus on the island itself.

First off, everything between Swarm and Rush gets to face the wrecking ball. The front of Thorpe Park is an absolute mess that needs immediate sorting out, and by that I mean merciless demolition. The dome, Flying Fish, the party tent, the stupid water slides, the pools ... raze it all to the ground and take great care to recycle the materials so they can't be rebuilt. I'd keep Thorpe Shark around for as long as necessary, but not a second longer. For now, the park is getting a layout makeover. A central plaza where the dome once stood, with three main paths radiating out.
  • The southern path would thread the gap between Zodiac and Quantum, leading to a mini plaza around The Cantina. The main path onward would go along the lakeside, where guests can admire the smoking ruins of that butt-ugly warehouse leading up to Saw and the pyre of discarded claw machines. The other path through Colossus remains ... for a season or two.
  • The western path would go from the dome towards the KFC restaurant, forming the park's main street. More on that later.
  • The northern path would connect the central plaza to Swarm.
Storm Surge is disassembled and moved. I think it adds something of value to the park as a water ride, but its placement is horrible. Whose idea was it to plonk a water slide in the middle of the park, where guests have a constant view of the dirty, dripping underside of the tray? Probably the same guy who proposed the five other water slides plus Tidal Wave. Thorpe Park really has too many water slides. It is put out of the way to preserve the sightline towards the pyramid holding the Walking Dead ride, and to keep the park's main street straight and tidy. Seriously, this ride is so much in the way of absolutely everything. Put it behind the Burger King or something instead. There'd also be the requisite sprinkle of minor kiddie rides.

For the first new attraction, I'd bring the Flying Fish back, in a way. A quick phone call to Mack to hear if they still remember how to build a Max and Moritz-type coaster. That's right, we're getting two Flying Fishes, and they'll be dueling. They'd be the main attraction along the main street, taking up most of the area between the dome, Swarm, and Tidal Wave. I'd also phone Huss or Zierer and ask them for something to be put on the old Slammer site. A Star Shape or something like that.

Meanwhile, on the mainland, I'd look into building a proper hotel with a year-round indoor waterpark. And a built-in stop for the Brooklands-Chertsey-Staines-Heathrow light rail line. I presume the Amity Beach area currently serves some sort of function, and this would be retained by building a separate waterpark.

With the fundamentals taken care of, and a bit more sensible layout for the park to be built on, I'd consider the park sufficiently mucked out to begin expansion. Thorpe doesn't have much room, being on an island and all that, but there's a fair amount of stuff that needs to be replaced. First off, Colossus. It's a painful, awful ride. I'd throw a bone to the fanboys and build that RMC they've always asked for. There's not a whole lot of room to work bit, but knowing RMC, they'd come up with something.

Somewhere around this point there'd be some TLC of the various areas in the park. The Walking Dead pyramid would definitely be re-painted, perhaps even re-clad. It's an iconic structure, but a little too ugly for my taste. Derren Brown's Ghost Train would be ripped out, replaced by some dark ride or other. Rumba Rapids would receive some themeing, but otherwise remain mostly as-is. The Swarm area would get something, anything, of substance to complement the main coaster.

Next up, the island behind Stealth and Swarm. Those two locations need to be connected, since they're currently so far from everything else. It would be the site of the Thorpe Park Hypercoaster. I'd call Intamin. There's not overly much space there, but they should be able to squeeze in something like Skyrush or Flying Aces nonetheless. I'd also throw in a flat to replace one from the aging lineup in the east corner of the park.

Not sure what it's possible to do with the old Logger's Leap site, but I'd try to put something there too. At this point, I'd be running somewhat low on cash, but the two huge thrill coasters should be able to keep the public interested in the park for several more years. Tidal Wave would probably be old enough to be retired by this point, and I can't imagine there being much left of the 2001-2004 flat rides either. On the off-chance I hadn't been ousted by the board of the park yet, I'd start looking into replacements for Stealth. It would have a launch, it would have a tophat, but it would have a bit more too. Velocicoaster, anyone?
 

Matt N

CF Legend
I know little about three of the parks, so I think I'd sell off some of them to raise funds and focus on Thorpe:
  • I'm pretty sure The LEGO group would like to have Legoland back, and I'd have some IP issues if I kept it (adding new attractions would have been a nightmare), so they get to buy it back ... at a premium. After I've personally raided the gift shop, of course.
  • I'd sell Alton to spare Britain from the horrible monopoly situation for thrill parks it's currently mired in. Competition breeds innovation, so it'd keep me from becoming too lazy as well. Plus, the park needs a bit of sorting out and I wouldn't have the funds to repair both it and Thorpe.
  • I'm not too sure about Chessington, but I've got a feeling it might be bad business to sell that one too. Retaining a monopoly of sorts in London (minus Legoland) would lower the risk of my next move. I think I'd let Chessington amble on somewhat autonomously.
So, onto Thorpe. That's a park that needs some mucking out after years of Merlin being Merlin. Luckily, I have the funds from the sale of two major theme parks to work with, and I fleeced The LEGO group enough that I consider my money near-infinite. Maybe not enough to build a Brooklands-Chertsey-Staines-Heathrow light rail line with a stop conveniently placed right outside the park gates, but I'd definitely put in the proposal with the local council. For now, I'd focus on the island itself.

First off, everything between Swarm and Rush gets to face the wrecking ball. The front of Thorpe Park is an absolute mess that needs immediate sorting out, and by that I mean merciless demolition. The dome, Flying Fish, the party tent, the stupid water slides, the pools ... raze it all to the ground and take great care to recycle the materials so they can't be rebuilt. I'd keep Thorpe Shark around for as long as necessary, but not a second longer. For now, the park is getting a layout makeover. A central plaza where the dome once stood, with three main paths radiating out.
  • The southern path would thread the gap between Zodiac and Quantum, leading to a mini plaza around The Cantina. The main path onward would go along the lakeside, where guests can admire the smoking ruins of that butt-ugly warehouse leading up to Saw and the pyre of discarded claw machines. The other path through Colossus remains ... for a season or two.
  • The western path would go from the dome towards the KFC restaurant, forming the park's main street. More on that later.
  • The northern path would connect the central plaza to Swarm.
Storm Surge is disassembled and moved. I think it adds something of value to the park as a water ride, but its placement is horrible. Whose idea was it to plonk a water slide in the middle of the park, where guests have a constant view of the dirty, dripping underside of the tray? Probably the same guy who proposed the five other water slides plus Tidal Wave. Thorpe Park really has too many water slides. It is put out of the way to preserve the sightline towards the pyramid holding the Walking Dead ride, and to keep the park's main street straight and tidy. Seriously, this ride is so much in the way of absolutely everything. Put it behind the Burger King or something instead. There'd also be the requisite sprinkle of minor kiddie rides.

For the first new attraction, I'd bring the Flying Fish back, in a way. A quick phone call to Mack to hear if they still remember how to build a Max and Moritz-type coaster. That's right, we're getting two Flying Fishes, and they'll be dueling. They'd be the main attraction along the main street, taking up most of the area between the dome, Swarm, and Tidal Wave. I'd also phone Huss or Zierer and ask them for something to be put on the old Slammer site. A Star Shape or something like that.

Meanwhile, on the mainland, I'd look into building a proper hotel with a year-round indoor waterpark. And a built-in stop for the Brooklands-Chertsey-Staines-Heathrow light rail line. I presume the Amity Beach area currently serves some sort of function, and this would be retained by building a separate waterpark.

With the fundamentals taken care of, and a bit more sensible layout for the park to be built on, I'd consider the park sufficiently mucked out to begin expansion. Thorpe doesn't have much room, being on an island and all that, but there's a fair amount of stuff that needs to be replaced. First off, Colossus. It's a painful, awful ride. I'd throw a bone to the fanboys and build that RMC they've always asked for. There's not a whole lot of room to work bit, but knowing RMC, they'd come up with something.

Somewhere around this point there'd be some TLC of the various areas in the park. The Walking Dead pyramid would definitely be re-painted, perhaps even re-clad. It's an iconic structure, but a little too ugly for my taste. Derren Brown's Ghost Train would be ripped out, replaced by some dark ride or other. Rumba Rapids would receive some themeing, but otherwise remain mostly as-is. The Swarm area would get something, anything, of substance to complement the main coaster.

Next up, the island behind Stealth and Swarm. Those two locations need to be connected, since they're currently so far from everything else. It would be the site of the Thorpe Park Hypercoaster. I'd call Intamin. There's not overly much space there, but they should be able to squeeze in something like Skyrush or Flying Aces nonetheless. I'd also throw in a flat to replace one from the aging lineup in the east corner of the park.

Not sure what it's possible to do with the old Logger's Leap site, but I'd try to put something there too. At this point, I'd be running somewhat low on cash, but the two huge thrill coasters should be able to keep the public interested in the park for several more years. Tidal Wave would probably be old enough to be retired by this point, and I can't imagine there being much left of the 2001-2004 flat rides either. On the off-chance I hadn't been ousted by the board of the park yet, I'd start looking into replacements for Stealth. It would have a launch, it would have a tophat, but it would have a bit more too. Velocicoaster, anyone?
So you’re saying that you’d essentially replace or majorly renovate the entirety of Thorpe Park besides Swarm, Inferno and Saw?
 

Inthi

Roller Poster
  • d sell Alton to spare Britain from the horrible monopoly situation for thrill parks it's currently mired in. Competition breeds innovation, so it'd keep me from becoming too lazy as well. Plus, the park needs a bit of sorting out and I wouldn't have the funds to repair both it and Thorpe.
  • I'm not too sure about Chessington, but I've got a feeling it might be bad business to sell that one too. Retaining a monopoly of sorts in London (minus Legoland) would lower the risk of my next move. I think I'd let Chessington amble on somewhat autonomously.
Merlin has already sold Alton, Thorpe, Warwick and Mme Tussauds for £622m in a leaseback agreement back in 2007 (i.e Merlin pays rent on those properties on a renewable contract which lasts 35 years starting from 2007) so they don't physically own the parks anymore.
The CEO of the company that owns the parks, castle and Mme Tussauds is Nick Leslau and his investment company Prestbury.

If I owned the parks I'd probably look at what draws people to theme parks in the UK, identify target markets and marketing strategies (controversial I know) and then build, maintain and upgrade existing and new products that the customer wants that fits into the marketing brand and strategy (e.g. Chessie's Croc Drop - notice how almost no one on here says it doesn't "fit" Chessington. If you were a 7 y/o kid who didn't know how appalling the ride hardware is that's thinking about going Chessie this new ride with all its theming might make you beg your parents to buy some tickets).
This potential strategy of mine for each park will have been discovered through extensive market research from companies that can run theme parks well abroad (Disney/ Europa) as well as linking it to what the expectations and desires of the UK consumer are and attempting to beat these.
I'd then change sections of the parks, little by little, as appropriate.
 
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Pokemaniac

Mountain monkey
Staff member
Administrator
Moderator
So you’re saying that you’d essentially replace or majorly renovate the entirety of Thorpe Park besides Swarm, Inferno and Saw?
You're not wrong, but let me put it this way instead: I'd replace or majorly renovate the stuff that has reached or is about to reach the end of its functional lifespan (or in the case of Derren Brown/Storm Surge, was misplaced to begin with). It says a bit about Thorpe that so few of its rides fall outside of this category.
 

HeartlineCoaster

Theme Park Superhero
Much as we moan about Merlin, the strategies obviously work on some level, so I'd just embrace the shortcomings in the short term, be lazy and install something I (and hopefully everyone else) would like to ride, just to give me an excuse to visit regularly again and then, maybe, tidy up as we go along.

So this means Gravity woodies for all!

Legoland
Something Roar-O-Saurus sized. There's quite a bit of dead space inside the footprint of the Dragon so squeeze it in there, give it a complimentary name and have some nice interaction between the two. Apparently choice of manufacturer is enough to get a 'first' these days, so Legoland can open theirs first and get 'first woodie in the UK of this type'.

Chessington
Switchback, both in size and shuttle-ness. Bring some life and colour back into Wild Asia, move Monkey Swinger and Tuk Tuk Turmoil elsewhere in the park (they're good at doing this by now) and wrap it around that side of the land, out towards the entrance as a bit of a showpiece (which can have a bit of a spruce up as @Matt N rightly suggested, although technically it's not the official entrance it is now the busy one).
Panda Express - no one's used that name for anything yet. Oh, and 'first shuttle woodie in the UK of this type.'

Alton Towers
Something Fjord Flying Dragon sized, with an inversion for an easy public distinction from Wicker Man. We could even ditch Haunted Hollow (or move the exhibits to those boring bits of path from Katanga to Duel and Duel to Nemesis) and have the two next to each other as I quite like the overall theme and concept (save the valley for later). Give it a complimentary name and have a bit of interaction between the two (WM layout sucks for making this work, but maybe we can at least liven up that flat turnaround).
While we're in there, put an actual finale in the ending shed of WM with at least some narration and fire. Oh, and 'first inverting woodie in the UK of this type.'

Thorpe Park
Something Voyage sized, bigger if we get a good quantity discount on these, but obviously far less 'out and back' in design. The larger parts can encompass the water behind Swarm and then culminate in a mess like Boardwalk Bullet on the actual island there. Take the opportunity to interact with the silly turnaround at the end of Swarm and give it a complimentary name and theme (we're still embracing the Merlin-ness for now, remember). Rejig Stealth's queue and finally connect the two areas by path.
While we're in there, put brave it backwards back on Swarm and some new lap bar trains on Stealth. Oh, and 'UKs tallest, longest and fastest woodie'.
 

JoshC.

Strata Poster
Ooo, okay. Thorpe will be the one I have the most ideas for, because it's much easier to have ideas for them...

Thorpe
The more boring stuff
-Get a new Top Scan to replace Samurai (likely helps long-term with maintenance)
-New restaurant in the Old Town area (using the building opposite Rocky Express, plus the space where the train tracks still are)
-Retheme Angry Birds and get a new 4D show (just have it as a bridging area for Amity, transitioning between the fishing village style to the racing style)

The more exciting things
-Bye bye Ghost Train. Building repurposed as some sort of shooting dark ride. Maybe not use the whole space, so part of the building can house a Fright Nights maze.
-Use the area behind Swarm for an intertwined Mine Train and Log Flume. There would have to be some silly Merlin-ism in there somewhere I guess, but it can cope with that. Just two solid family rides. Obviously have a shop and couple of food places there too, make it a nice new area. It's what the park really needs at this point.
-New thrill coaster. Now let's just be crazy for a second: have it replace Slammer, the adjacent outdoor restaurant, and go over the pathway to the empty space next to Jungle Escape. Not too fussed what; single rail could be good if it was high enough throughput. If not, maybe just a bog standard Intamin sit down (a mini Kondaa). Basically, just something thrill-focused, which will give good airtime.

Other stuff
-I'm always in two minds about the Beach. It's still popular enough during the summer, and somehow lots of families still visit. Removing it won't stop the families coming, but it'll make them complain more. In an ideal world, I'd love to see it removed and replaced with a small lake capable of hosting a fountain show (a lite Aquanura at Efteling, if you will).
-The interior of the Dome needs sorting properly. It's stuck between bland walls, the aged-Atlantis-style floor and a mish mash of themes elsewhere. I'd like to stick with the aquatic / shark motif personally. But really, I don't mind. Just do something good with it.

Alton Towers
-Flat rides. The park needs filler rides. An air race. A dodgems. Open the Zamperla catalogue to a random page and get whatever's on there. It really doesn't matter. Just get some flats.
-The park could do with another water ride. I think something like The Grand Splash's ride system at Asterix would work well in Towers. The obvious issue is where can you put it. I seem to remember some talk of a coaster using the Ripsaw, Blade a surrounding area space a few years ago? Maybe using the Ripsaw space and the surrounding area that's possible for it?
-They're not really in need of a new coaster for a good long while in my opinion (as long as they can keep interest with other investments and events). I genuinely would not be fussed if we didn't get a new coaster till past 2025.
-Alton Towers Dungeon. If you want to keep it, make it part of the resort (ie have it on the outskirts of the park so it can be accessed by day guests, but also accessed by hotel guests in the evening). That would involve moving it (realistically, only the car park by Galactica would work). Add some other resort stuff there too. Either do that, or don't bother and scrap the Dungeons (and in either case, get a new family attraction in that space).

Chessington
-They need a new coaster. Honestly, any family thrill ride would work. I think they can use the huge grass patch opposite Fury (or at least part of it?), so stick it there if they can.
-Actually properly sort out Tomb Blaster. It's had so many rethemes, tweaks and stupid changes that it comes across like a patchwork quilt of ideas at this point.
-Outside of those two thing, I don't really know? Chessington is a difficult park to deal with really. I guess if you can use the grass patch area for a new coaster you can expand that with some other things too, but for the most part, I don't really know what the park can add that wouldn't feel tacky.

Legoland
-Let's be blunt here: The Dragon is bad. People gloss over it because it's Legoland blah blah blah, but it's a bad coaster. Keep the indoor section as much as possible, but it should be replaced with a better family coaster. Even a custom Zierer or Zamperla family coaster would be a massive, and welcome, upgrade. Call it The New Dragon and boom, sorted.
-Outside of that, I think their investments in recent years have been pretty bang on and really added to the park. They're stuck with the size and can't really expand any more. At this point, it's more about keeping the park ticking and interesting for repeat visitors. Maybe retheme the rapids (and make it look better in general). The odd new small kids ride to keep rides fresh too likely wouldn't go amiss.

I tried to stay pretty grounded. Some Thorpe stuff might be a bit pie in the sky, but equally, if I'm in charge of those parks and have a company the size of Merlin behind me, it's not unachievable financially I'd guess.
 

Joseph Hudson

Roller Poster
If I owed merlins 4 uk parks and this what I would do(completely unrealistic)

Alton Towers
Remove and replace spinball with a mack extreme spinner
retheme x-sector around the simlier
rip out rita and replace with intimin bltiz
take out the dungons and replace with dinosuar themed dark ride
new mack hyper coaster on the air car park

Thorpe Park
get rid timber tug and lumber jump and put a gci wooide on old loggers site
remove slammer, darren brown, walking dead and storm surge and replace with a jungle themed B&M giga and a family drop tower
take out the beach for a family mack spinner with a dark ride section
B&M Dive Machine on swarm island
Angry Brids dark ride in 4d cinema building

Chessington World Of Adventures
A chinese legend themed B&M Wingrider where explores glaping is and the areas behind that
Move the from zoo where it is to more land behind the wingrider
rip out rattlesnake and replace with preimer ride skyrocket
intermin biltz themed around the black forest
Mack Water Coaster on grass by dragon fury
a intermin family launch coaster on area streching from the rainforst to Adventure Point
GCI Woodie on old Wayama reserve area
African themed Splash battle on old sea life / grassy area by room on a broom

Legoland Windsor
intermin family launch coaster and family drop tower for the lego city area of the park
new artic themed area with a Zierer drop coaster like Pola X-ploer and a family flat
removal of lasier raiders for new Egyptian themed non shooting dark ride
a boat ride round mini land
two flat rides for dulop valley
 

MemeWorldOfficials

Roller Poster
Alton Towers:
I might get Alton Towers an RMC Raptor custom layout that can’t be over the trees.

Thorpe Park:
Convert from Thorpe Park into Six Flags Thorpe Kingdom by adding Super Nintendo World.

Chessington Worlds of Adventures:
Get a B&M Orion clone themed to the Chinese legend.

Legoland Windsor:
Nothing
 

Professor

Previously AndrewRollercoaster
If I were Planet Coaster God in charge of Merlin's parks:

Alton Towers
Closures:
  • Close Gangsta Granny before it even opens and cancel all contracts with Walliams.
  • Remove Cuckoo land. CBBeebies land to fully entertain youngsters.
  • Close and remove the Dungeon stuff.
  • Close and remove Rita.
  • Close and remove Spinball Wizard.
  • Close and remove Octonauts.
  • Possibly remove rapids if it makes way for a coaster at least.
  • No more scare mazes bs. Someone else can entertain that. Spectacular Halloween decorations and parade instead.

Creations:
  • Parade route & daily parades
  • Install permanent metal detectors for improved security.
  • Themed chair swing with reactive fountain like Wellenflug at PHL end of Towers Street.
  • Intamin Blitz themed to Ghostbusters (pending deal with Sony).
  • Intamin double launch family quad bike coaster themed to Goosebumps (pending deal with Sony).
  • Vekoma family suspended coaster in Cbeebies land "Eagle Flight"
  • Trackless dark ride with a magic Merlin magician theme. "Merlin's Magical Castle"
  • Mack Water Coaster
  • Summer closing time fountain display at lake with loud orchestral music.

Improvements:
  • Extend opening hours every day. No closures before 8pm from May - October.
  • Better food options, potential deal with Subway, more health conscious options.
  • Replace Runaway minetrain completely with latest Mack versions, keep layout as is or improve if rapids are gone and interact with new coaster in its space.
  • 8-9pm Hotel guests only rides on two coasters for example.

Thorpe Park
Objective: make it more family friendly.

Closures:
  • Close and remove all current ageing flat rides.
  • Remove Derren Brown's Ghost Train
  • Remove Colossus
  • Remove Beach area
  • Remove Walking Dead coaster
  • Remove Bombs away
  • Remove Shark Hotel
  • Remove Burger King
  • Remove all three big water rides

Creations:
  • Massive new entrance with new luxury hotel above.
  • Install permanent metal detectors for improved security.
  • Wider entrance bridge for security reasons.
  • Mid range proper hotel in shark hotel site and next to space of Swarm.
  • Parade route & daily parades
  • Themed chair swing with reactive fountain like Wellenflug at PHL.
  • Intamin Water Coaster like Speed
  • Vekoma mine coaster centred around the old west
  • Vekoma indoor launcher centred around space flight
  • Intamin Hyper coaster like Hyperion
  • Intamin drop tower like Mystery Castle
  • GCI coaster like Troy
  • Intamin family double launcher themed with jet skis, partly over water
  • Top spin themed like Talocan
  • Trackless dark ride themed to underwater exploration like Journey to Atlantis.
  • Summer closing time fountain display both sides of new bridge with loud orchestral music.

Improvements:
  • 8-9pm Hotel guests only rides on two coasters for example.
  • Better food options, potential deal with Subway, more health conscious options.

Chessington & Lego Land
Never been, no idea.
 
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Changa

Mega Poster
This got a bit out of hand but still really fun to think about!

Thorpe Park
[Aim: Replace outdated rides, improve overall value and rework Thorpe into a strictly thrill park for older families, teens & adults]
Yeah... I would add a LOT here. All of this is incredibly unrealistic but I tried to keep the changes sensible, so any combination of these within an astronomical budget:

  • Get rid of Neptune's beach and the dome. Rework that whole area into a Mediterranean style entrance plaza with more direct pathways to different areas. Relocate & lightly retheme depth carge to accommodate this. Also, rebuild the ticket check building so something larger and more modern.
  • Relocate storm surge to Canada Creek/Old Town & repaint it to fit. Its great fun as a ride but just bizarrely placed. Plonk a flat ride in its place or extend the main shop. Then rework the pathways to TWD to improve access to it.
  • Lower TWD's height limit back to 1.2m.
  • Scrap the Saw alive barge and use the queue space for a restaurant.
  • Rework or replace Stealth's trains with Lap bars.
  • Replace Colossus' trains with a new design.
  • Remove most of the tiny kiddie rides & relocate to the other parks where they fit.
  • Refurbish Quantum & replace Zodiac with an endeavour, send the spare parts to Alton.
  • New rollercoaster 1! Use the loggers leap area for a double launched family coaster (either quadbikes or general sitdown) flowing through the trees Vulcania-style. No dark themes or surprises, just a nice family ride with a bit of thrill.
  • Connect the reclaimed Islands to the stealth area (goodbye sunken garden) and fill the second island wiiiiith... a Hyper! Either vekoma's or intamin's hyperion models that travels over the water, behind stealth and features a twisted section in the rumba rapids area (removing rumba to fit it) before coming back to the station with a low skim over the water. The rumba area can also be used for a good flat (top spin?).
  • Strip the cheaper implemented IPs from the park. TWD and Saw get a pass because of how much is invested in their theming, but Black mirror, Love island and Angry birds get the boot. Also, freshen up the pyramid with a repaint to better fit the theme.
  • Rework angry birds land to an amity cove surf theme. Refurbish KFC and BK at the same time so the ceiling is no longer caved in.
  • A small starflyer in Detonator's spot. Then either relocate detonator to Slammer's spot, OR buy apocalypse from drayton instead. Either way, it can be themed to a redwood tree.
  • And finallyyyy, the hotel! A nicely themed waterfront hotel in the proposed site north of the car park. Not much detail here but it would feature a ferry from the waterfront to a jetty where Thorpe shark is. (Ferry tickets available as an uncharge package when booking the hotel and come with early entry to the park)

Legoland Windsor
[Aim: Keep legoland as the main kiddie park by generally improving the park’s immersion and guest quality of life]
Mostly made up of lots of little changes rather than anything drastic

  • Air conditioning within the show buildings... I cannot stress this one enough.
  • Main addition would be a high capacity family rollercoaster as most rides have DIRE throughputs.
  • Replace the skyride completely with a new ride system and longer track over more of miniland.
  • Add extra theming to VRS, its mostly a concrete trough with a few very nice models but not really enough (and the station mural needs a rework)
  • Refresh miniland considerably, a lot of it looks tired and there is a lot of dead space in the dioramas.
  • Extend the theming for certain rides beyond a basic facade. Ninjago and Monster party are the worst offenders for this and the whole park would look a lot better if their showbuildings were well themed.
  • Also for mosnter house, add shading to the queueline.
  • Refurbish Laser Raiders with better themeing and a queueline that doesn't include a railway crossing.

Alton Towers
[Aim: Rework the park to better suit the audiences and expand the offerings at either end of the thrill spectrum]
Not as extensive or drastically needed as Thorpe as Alton is currently great. Just what I'd love to see in the park!

  • Extend the opening times! 10-6 would be incredible. And improve the shuttle-bus links to the park from Stoke (making it possible to realistically get there without a car).
  • Rebuild the ticket booths and entrance building to expand capacity and generally look nicer for guests walking from the car park.
  • Remove Spinball whizzer, despite how fun it is. Expand cbeebies land into the area taken up by it.
  • Gut out duel & replace with a Triotech or Sally darkride with the same theme. Keep the front facade but rework it into a new attraction.
  • Move rides from cloud cuckoo land into the expanded cbeebies land to bolster its offering.
  • Level Cloud cuckoo land. Gangsta granny and the dungeons can stay in their own weird pocket, but create a new land with a style similar to Untamed with a bright, nature-reclaimed apocalypse aesthetic to mirror the dark forest. The key attraction here being... the UK RMC!
  • Change the dark forest around th13teen. Replace rita with a blitz or a vekoma launch with a new location at the bottom of the land. Bring the entrance and queue for 13 up to the top of the land (where ritas station is), better containing each ride and the flow of the land. It could be an official search through the forest for survivors. The area could also be bolstered by a thrilling flat ride instead of midway games. Also, create an access path to the gardens from the bottom of the area so it isn't an unnecessary dead end.
  • Rework Oblivious queue with shortcuts and an updated theme (A test that the ministry of joy uses brainwashed guests to participate in?) Also, floorless trains!
  • Replace ripsaw and sub terra with well integrated, permanent flat rides.
Chessington
[Aim: Make Chessington the bridge park between Legoland and Thorpe with a wide range of thrill levels and good themeing]
I don't know much about Chessington but it seems to already achieve this Aim well, so I don't have much to add:

  • New entrance plaza on both sides of the park. Both are very small and understate the value of the park.
  • Add a Juvelen-style coaster on the empty plot of land by dragons fury themed to quadbiking.
  • Replace Rattlesnake with a Gerst bobsled coaster.
Generally, I would aim to have the three London parks complement each other by focusing on a certain age and maturity demographic, due to their proximity to each other the option would be convenient to make. While Alton Towers serves on its own by catering to everyone.

Sorry if I went overboard but I loved pondering this and reading everyone else's ideas!
 

Professor

Previously AndrewRollercoaster
Some great points above.

The Spinball Wizard / extending Cbeebies is pretty much what I meant in my post for Towers too. It seems such an obvious win indeed.
I think your post was less out of hand and probably far more realistic than my Planet Coaster God mode one. Lol.
 
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CoasterCrazy

Giga Poster
As this is all hypothetical:

Give Alton a cross-valley RMC to fulfill every British enthusiast's wet dream, then...

Sell all of them off, each to a separate well-funded company, to break up the Merlin monopoly that has been holding the UK industry back for far too long. Use the big ol' profit to pay RMC back, lobby the government to apply antitrust laws to theme parks and retire to a private tropical island, only returning to the UK to ride the massive new investments produced by the resulting UK coaster wars.

Sound about right?
 

Pokemaniac

Mountain monkey
Staff member
Administrator
Moderator
Seeing all the suggestions for Thorpe in this thread got me thinking a bit again.

What is so interesting about that park, I think, is that it's in a mire in so many ways, yet also has the target demographics and building permissions to do something great. There are so many way you can see it needs improvement, in very clear and realistic ways. It makes the ways to improve the park so apparent.

Most notably, I think, is that the entrance area is an absolute mess. I don't know who had the idea of putting a kiddie pool between the entrance and the park proper, and build the dome so that you end up on a veranda if you continue straight ahead from the park entrance, but I'd love to hear how they could ever think it made a lick of sense. I doubt anyone here would keep the current entrance area if given the chance to redo the park.

Secondly, there are some noticeable holes in Thorpe's layout. Swarm is awkwardly located far away from everything else at the moment, but there is clearly an intention to link it up with the rest of the park. The unused island between Swarm and Stealth is one of the most noticeable pieces of land set aside for expansion in any park I know of. It's a gap screaming to be filled. Likewise, the husks of Slammer and Logger's Leap cry out for something to be placed in their stead. Thorpe might as well have "NEW THINGS GO HERE" signs installed in several locations across the park.

Thirdly, Thorpe has some very noticeable duds among its recent decisions, making you think "I could have done this better". Nobody likes DBGT, for instance, so it automatically invites ideas of how to use the show building better. Storm Surge is also an interesting ride in the wrong place. It ruins the view of the X pyramid, places the park's main gift shop in an awkward far-off corner, and complicates the path from the entrance to the midway even further than it already was. One look at that attraction, and you're automatically thinking "this should have been placed somewhere else". You get an itch to rip it up and put it down in a more suitable location.

Fourth, the bells are tolling for parts of Thorpe's current attraction lineup. At some point relatively soon-ish, the park will have to build something major just to maintain its size and scope. It is relatively dependent on a lineup of aging flats to keep guests occupied for a full day, and a decade with nearly no new additions has given the park very little to fall back on the day they retire. Zodiac, Detonator, and Vortex are all 20 years old this year. Quantum, Samurai, and Rush were all installed in 2005 or earlier as well. Aside from those six flats, installed within four years of each other, Thorpe's thrill lineup consists of six coasters, the hated DBGT, Storm Surge, and Tidal Wave. The latter two rides were manufactured in 2004 and 2000, respectively. As far as I can tell, Thorpe really only has three permanent, non-family attractions that are less than 15 years old: Saw, Swarm, and DBGT. I don't know how long an attraction's functional lifespan generally is, but by 2035, 17 of Thorpe's 25 current attractions will be more than 30 years old (and 6 of them will have reached 40). Assuming half of them will be retired by that age, Thorpe will have to build at least one major attraction every other year just to maintain the lineup it has today.

So in short, I think big things will happen at Thorpe over the next decade. Not only does it have great and obvious room for improvement, but also great and obvious need for improvement. If it continues at its current pace, there won't be much of a park left to speak of by 2030. It's not quite a do-or-die situation, but ... well, given five more years of status quo, it won't be far off.
 
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