Anyone up for...
Day 2 - Holiday Park?
Well tough, because here it comes. Europa is going to be the real epic day/s report, but there's oddly a lot about Holiday Park too.
I'll start off where I finished last time, there just didn't seem to be a lot of excitement about Holiday Park at all. I think there's a kind of "it's the best thing ever" fatigue that eventually starts to drain you as an enthusiast. The number of times you hear the "it's the greatest/it's overrated" discussions spinning around coasters tend to lose their appeal in your mind.
So on top of there being the almost guaranteed disappointment of Expedition GE Force, there's just nothing else at Holiday Park and the weather was grim, seriously grim.
Tripsdrill had been a lot of fun, we knew that was our "jolly" day. Europa to come, that would be our "all you can ride, park buffet" day. So we're now looking at a "get the supposed great cred and get the hell out of Dodge" day. So people were almost as overcast as the sky when we arrived, but hell, things soon turn around.
The "new" entrance plaza is really neat and appealing, with added "bigness" to it. A faux grandeur that almost works:
There are the huge gates you can't get through, but you can see something else lurking underneath too...
There's a homely, organic, "old" park laying behind the scenes. The whole park is like this, a clash between the fresh and new and the lovely and old.
I guess that the park has to move with the times to be profitable and the like, and they have a direction, but it did often seem at odds. The park is more herbaceous than a 70's porn flick, especially around GE Force, so the plastic characters grate a little.
The really odd thing though? We've no seen the lift hill for EGF and suddenly the mood has swung. It's lifted and there's an air of excitement and expectation, one of optimism and barely controlled joy. We're excited.
It's amazing what the sight of a fantastic looking lift-hill can do to raise your spirits.
We're not hanging around then at the gates, there's just one ride we all want. As the rain started to come down, we headed onwards...
Closer...
Cloooser...
Can almost taste it...
And we're in the queue. I was near the back with Gavin and I think we kind of both thought the same thing... "you know what, I'm a bit nervous". It's an anticipation that's such a joy to get these days. We're so spoilt and jaded, cynical and dreary - enthusiasts are the worst kind of critic and too blasé by far. Jared issued the challenge of not holding on (look, ma, no hands) which we took with gusto as we went up the hill.
Expedition GE Force - The lift from the hill is superb. You look over to your right and all you can see is Intamin Mega track weaving in and out, up and down through the trees. It's like the German countryside has been stitched together by the coaster. You suddenly realise just how much there is to this coaster, how much track you're going to cover. Instead of expecting three airtime hills, a swivel and brake run, we're now looking at a full blown coaster experience and it's breathtaking. To talk of anticipation with hundreds of coasters ridden, you know it's got something - and that first drop? It looks monstrous.
It isn't though. That's not to say it's bad, it makes The Big One's first drop feel like sliding down the bannister, but I'm not really into "steep and fast first drops that twist". I find the twist takes some of the "oomph" from it for me. No, it's all about that second hill now and can it deliver. Can it deliver? Well, if it doesn't considering the speed and force you hit the bottom of the drop I'm going to wither and die inside with disappointment.
It delivers. BAM! Eject as you crest, land somewhere on the other side - probably Austria. And another is coming up. Same again, this time I'm landing in 2014.
I can't remember the exact layout, but it does the whole. Eject, eject, eject thing for a bit and then meanders... Eugh... It's a nice meander, a pleasant rollercoaster wander through the trees and woods to get back to... EJECT, EJECT, EJECT, **** ME SIDEWAYS WITH A GERSTLAUER! Brakes.
What can you say? It's good. It's damn good. It's not Bizarro good. Well, not yet, but without a doubt, it's a 10/10 coaster.
Train of goons
We continued to ride for a while, I don't know? Seven times maybe? There wasn't a queue so it wasn't an issue. We tried front, back and middle and it's all great. We've got all day though to ride, so we carried on through the park to see what else it had to offer...
Views of the first drp for those of you who like first-drops.
Expecting a lot from the German Flumes after Tripsdrill, we headed for the odd Devil themed Log Flume.
It's got a revering section like Tripsdrill's, and a laughing devil and imps and things. It's okay, but it really wasn't as good. It may have been that we were not in "fun mode" anymore, or the overcast/slight drizzle weather, or just it's not as good. Still, it was worth a quick go.
They're going backwards, honest
Opposite the Flume was a Breakdance. I've been on three of these I think now, including one at an Austrian Fair. I think they're rubbish. I keep trying them to see if they've got any better, but they're always rubbish. Tiem to try one at a real German park then and see what the fuss is about.
Nah, they're still utter pants. Big, smelly, grandmother knickers.
Wandering through the park then to our next Cred, Super Gerbil, we pass one of these Condor rides (which we rode later on):
Just in case you've never seen one of these rides in a badly composed photo before
Then to the subtle and well blended Corkscrew clone!
It's a Corkscrew clone. I don't count clones so I sat it out. I think this may have met with some derision and wildly made up facts about the "hidden extra corkscrew" and things that made it not a clone. For me, it was one less ride to hurt my back which would have meant at least one less ride later on on GE Force.
Everyone came off with the opinion of... Well, "meh". It IS lovely and yellow though...
I had noticed (as had everyone else) that the Star Flyer (which had looked wonderfully dormant so far) was running...
This was a bit of a problem for me. I suspect I've said in the past that I would ride one "for the experience" and "to say I've done one" and "to overcome my fear of high places when held on only by a little chain". So I knew that if it was running, I'd have to do it. It was running, so I had to do it.
Fortunately, Darren B was a great big girlie blouse and sat it out. So no matter how scared I was on the ride, I'd still be braver than him
Just looking at the photo now my stomach still turns...
I managed to nab Lord Morton to sit with me, rather than one of the peasants who would mercilessly take the piss, swing the chairs, etc.
I don't think I did too badly, just one bit of stringed together swearing as the wind caught the seats and made them swing a little wildly. Other than that it was okay... Honest
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
Well, the experience was over and the cred hunger was in the eyes of everyone else. So we explored behind Super Gerbil to find...
The amusingly named Wild Mouse.
Guess what? I already have one of these in my count so I don't need to ride this one! Suddenly people are thinking that maybe there's not such a bad thing in the way I count my coasters
So off they went to endure the Wild Mouse while I went to the excellently themed toilets
and emptied the Star Flyer detritus from my trousers...
They'll all come off this complaining ti was rubbish
And painful
So everyone came off complaining about how rubbish and painful (and pointless) the ride was. I was alone in my smugness as we continued round the park, heading for an eatery.
Sadly, I never met Wicki who was a childhood hero of mine, I don't think people really understood about it. They didn't have an Wicky tee-shirts in my size either, which would have been the only park tat I'd have bought at all. I guess it's a 70's thing...
We spotted a food court area, but Jared suggested we ride the "omnimover" first. When asked to explain, he said it had boobs in it, so we couldn't refuse.
Inside this building is a ride so terrible even Drayton Manor would turn it down. It makes Pirate Adventure look like that new Cars ride thing. I actually can't think of a single good thing to say about the ride. It was just utter turd. Complete dog fart with a white tinged follow through. And the boobs? As exciting as my fungal infection.
So we ate... and sulked... and tried to find something more interesting and exciting to take our minds off the awful ride...
Even the giant empty wine barrel was more fun... A barrel of... No, I can't do it. Just talking about that awful dark ride has left me too depressed to even make completely **** jokes
Rapids then...
Hmmmmm.... You're doing it wrong
Well, Torpids really. They looked good and splashy, but never really amounted to anything. All fart and no skid marks.
I'd like to say maybe it's because we were spoilt etc, but if you don't get splashed at all, they're not good rapids.
The group is heading around now towards the entrance. It seems to be that the park is starting here with "improvements" and working into the park. There was an odd ride just littered on a path, and...
Plastic
Eugh. It just clashes!!!
It can look nice though, kind of...
It's quite confusing as a visual impact thingy goes.
Anyway, everyone decided on the drop tower, and as I've done one of those I didn't feel inclined to do another - so took photos
It's recently been rethemed to Anubis (which may make Nic get excited), but I don't really know how much farther than "a poster" it went?
And here it is in all it's "Intamin Tower" glory... Meh...
I also grabbed a quick look around the new area that isn't open yet. I felt a bit odd taking photos of the kids on the rides that weren't open yet though as they all enjoyed themselves on the unopened rides. It's a but sparse to be honest. Again it's plastic theming on a flat bit of ground much the same as Peppa Pig, Nick Land, etc.
The porn ponies here are porn grasshoppers:
You get to ride on a pumping thorax... Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd use a second time in my life!
That's pretty much it then, there aren't really any hidden surprises or wonderfully overlooked little treats. The park really
is EGF... Except... Maybe...?
A story boat ride, much like Eye-Spy Riverbank at Alton only with less interaction and a much longer ride with much more complicated story.
The story is pretty much as follows (using my excellent German skills)
There's a dragon and a mole, the find a vulture baby hiding behind a rock which leads them to somewhere icy...
A friendly cardboard wolf waves frantically to warn you of an slippery patch up ahead and a potential danger to yaks.
Phew, good job we had the warning or that yak may have been the last thing we saw!
The yak is meditating, so forgot to tell us about Mad Snowman Doors!!!
Everyone at this point must feign shock, horror and suspense and we look like we're going to crash into the scary snowman doors! Which open to reveal!
Mad Scary Snowman floating at you. At this point everyone screams before...
It's suddenly spring again and everyone is happy.
It's a fascinating tale you know?
So what is there left? Well, EGF then I guess?
We arrived to find the rain really starting. Not crap drizzle now, but the real stuff. That ride hurts like a Lego brick to the foot in the rain, so after another half dozen or so (fantastic) rides, we headed off for Ian to be a goon and to twat-cam the Star Flyer.
Which he held instead of twat-camming, so disappointing.
Erm, then Mushroom lay there invitingly until we headed back for a last few rides on... EGF!
It's amazing to think that it's actually getting close to park closing time by now. We've done bugger all, but the days has flown by. It's one of those parks that just eats you time (though lots of re-riding EGF helps).
So last goes then, the rain has cleared, the sun has popped out and I'm in the middle of EGF "to see what it's like".
I'll quote myself from earlier here...
furie said:
It's not Bizarro good. Well, not yet,
Now it **** is! OMG! The coaster is suddenly a different beast. The air time has changed subtly somehow, less ejector, but in the perfect balance between pure ejector and B&M floater. It's exciting AND does all that orgasmic stuff in the hip area. The slow meander is now a superbly paced and thrilling duck and dive through the trees. The ride doesn't give up at any point. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. It hits you again and again with something.
Wow, what a ride. I could understand "picky people" having a ride like earlier in the day and thinking the ride is over-hyped and needs to be taught a lesson. However, nobody riding the coaster on that last ride for me could ever say it was anything other than sheer brilliance. I'd have to ride Bizarro again very soon to compare the two, but I'd say they're easily on a par when EGF is running well, with perhaps EGF just topping the SFNE coaster on that final run. I can't say for sure, but it's a close run thing to being one of the best ever coaster experiences of my life.
So, on that high note we left for a rather choreful trek to Rust and Europa Park - a park that was very high on the expectations list and there was no way it could let us down... Surely..?
